behind because you’re still with me, and you always will be; just as I’ll always be with you in your heart, until we really are together again. It doesn’t matter how long that is. Time doesn’t really exist. It’s just an illusion.
Pippa dropped her head into her hands. That was how love should be, how it never would be for her. She knew that now.
She laid everything away tidily, turned out all the lights and went to bed. A faint gleam from the window showed her the toy bear on her dressing table. In this poor light his shabbiness was concealed and his glass eyes seemed to glimmer softly.
‘No,’ she told him. ‘I’m not listening to you. You want me to believe one thing, and I know it’s different. I believed you once. I believed Gran. She used to talk to me about her and Grandpa, saying that one day it would happen to me. And I thought it had when I met Jack. He made me feel so safe and loved, and sure of the future. And now I don’t
But he had no reply for her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHARLIE called the next day, his voice full of excitement over the line.
‘Bless you for what you’ve done for me,’ he said. ‘And I’m not talking about the trial.’
‘You’ve seen Lee?’
‘Yes, I’ve just had a long talk and it’s looking good for a couple of weeks’ time. Oh, boy, wait until Roscoe hears about this!’
‘Don’t be in a rush to tell him, Charlie, and don’t do anything rash. Wait until you’re a little more certain.’
‘All right, Miss Wise and Wonderful. I’ll do it your way. And thank you again.’
She wondered if she would hear from Roscoe but days passed in silence. Just as well, she told herself. If she saw him she might weaken, and that must not happen. Much better this way.
But the ache persisted.
Days passed, nights passed. She told herself that it was getting easier, except that every knock at the door was him. Until it wasn’t.
But then, one evening, it was.
One look was enough to tell her that if anything had changed it wasn’t for the better. Now his face wasn’t just cold but furious.
‘We need to talk,’ he said.
She stood back and he walked in, turning on her as soon as the door closed.
‘My God, I never thought you’d stoop to this,’ he raged.
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Oh, please, you wreck his life and then you don’t know what I mean?’
‘If you’re talking about what I think you are-’
‘I’m talking about Charlie walking out of the firm, blowing his life chances to chase a chimera. I’m talking about you persuading him to do it. How could you sink so low? Were you really that desperate for revenge?’
‘Revenge?’ she echoed, astounded. ‘I didn’t want revenge. Why should I? You did me no harm. If anything, it was me who… What did you mean about Charlie leaving the firm? That wasn’t in the plan.’
‘But there was a plan? You admit that?’
‘Yes,’ she said, her temper flaring, ‘there was a plan-an innocent plan to help Charlie follow his own path in life. He’s a natural entertainer and I have a friend, Lee Renton, who’s in the business. He sets up those television programmes where amateurs perform and viewers vote. I recommended Charlie to him after that evening we spent at The Diamond. He did an impromptu performance for me at the table and he was so good that I thought he should take it further.
‘Lee has auditioned him and because he’s the big boss he’s been able to pull strings and include Charlie in a show in two weeks’ time. If he’s no good, OK, but the top two performers go through to the next round, and I’d back Charlie to be one of them.’
‘And then what?’ Roscoe demanded scathingly. ‘An existence spent on the grubby fringes of show business?’
‘Or as a star, however it turns out.’
‘However-? That’s how you see life, is it? Leave it to chance?’
‘What do you suggest instead? Opt for safety every time? Choosing safety doesn’t always
He turned away from her, walking about the room like a man who no longer knew where he was going.
‘You said Charlie walked out,’ Pippa reminded him. ‘Did he? Or did you force him out because you were so determined to make him do it your way?’
He turned a haggard gaze on her. ‘I wanted him to go on a course to learn some more about the business,’ he said. ‘He’d have acquired an extra qualification, boosted his prospects. He refused to go because it would have meant missing the television show. I told him he had to make a choice.’
Pippa groaned and clutched her forehead. ‘Tell me I’m not hearing this,’ she muttered. ‘You forced him to choose and you’re surprised that he chose his freedom?’
‘Freedom? You call that kind of life freedom?’
‘To him, yes. Freedom isn’t just not being in prison. You could keep Charlie out of trouble with the law but you’d do it by trapping him behind the bolts and bars of finance. For him, that would be a life sentence. He’s made his choice.’
‘Or you made it for him.’
‘No, I helped him do what he wants to do.’
‘Behind my back. You did encourage him to deceive me, didn’t you?’
‘I advised him not to tell you too much too soon, in case you tried to interfere.’
‘Interfere? I’m his brother.’
‘Yes, his brother, not his keeper. And you did interfere with that damn fool choice you forced on him. “Do it my way or get out.” The clever thing to do would be to leave the door open for him to come back if his new career failed. But you slammed that door shut so you’re not really a clever man at all, are you?’
The next moment she was sorry she’d said it because his face changed. The anger died out of it, replaced by a weary sadness that broke her heart.
‘No,’ he said slowly. ‘I guess the truth is that I’m a fool. I’ve always been a fool. I’ve trusted people who couldn’t be trusted, and I never learned from my mistakes.’ He gave a soft, mirthless laugh. ‘How big a fool is that? The biggest in the world.’
They weren’t talking about Charlie any more. He was saying that he’d trusted her, and he felt betrayed by her. Nor could she blame him when she remembered how he’d confided in her that night, talking about his father, his fiancee, his desolation at the way he’d been abandoned. He’d confided in her as to nobody else in his life, and just a few hours later she’d rejected him, her rejection coming out of the blue, with no real explanation.
And it had to stay that way. She didn’t dare tell him the whole story of her inner destruction in case he opened his arms to her in sympathy and understanding. Then she would weaken, seeking his love where once she’d found the strength to reject it. And she would destroy him.
Whatever happened, she would protect him from that. Protect him from herself.
‘I see you don’t deny that you made a fool of me,’ he said. ‘And that’s all I was-just one more fool among many. I fell for you totally, nothing held back. Boy, that must really have given you a laugh.’
‘No, I’m not laughing,’ she said quietly. ‘But I do know that I’m no good for you. I’m poison, and you’re better off without me.’
‘Oh, please!’ He warded her off again, this time actually backing away. ‘Spare me the pathos. You’ve done so well up to now. I was a scalp you had to add to your collection. You as good as admitted it.’
‘I didn’t-’
