‘I never said so,’ Angela hurried to say. ‘Oh, but I wouldn’t need to say so, would I?’
‘No. But he wouldn’t say anything either, and so you lost each other all these years ago.’
Angela was silent, looking sad, and after a moment Pippa ventured to ask, ‘Was your husband at all like that?’
‘Oh, no. William was talkative and open-hearted. He told me everything-absolutely everything. Our marriage was blissfully happy.’
She held up the hand with the glittering diamond ring. ‘At least I’ve always had this as a symbol of his love. I kiss it goodnight every evening when I go to bed, and for a moment I can imagine he’s still there. We loved each other so much until he…until he…’ She was suddenly shivering. ‘He died in a car crash. Taken from me suddenly, with no goodbye. Oh, if he’d had the chance to say goodbye he would have been so kind-’
With a feeling of sick dread, Pippa realised that Angela knew the truth, despite her frantic denials. Beneath her smiling facade, she was hiding another self, permanently tormented. It was a self that the outside world must never be allowed to see, and in that she was just like her elder son.
Now Pippa knew what she must do. Going to sit beside Angela, she put her arms gently about her and held her close.
‘You remember him as a kind man who loved you,’ she said. ‘And that’s what really matters-all the good years you shared-loving each other-’
‘Yes, yes-
‘That’s not true,’ Pippa said, tightening her arms. ‘He didn’t stop loving you. He was just full of despair. His mind was so dark that he wasn’t his real self. It was another man who took his own life, not the one you knew. He didn’t reject you. That was someone else who only looked like him.’
She wondered if she had any right to say this when she didn’t really believe it. William Havering’s suicide had indeed been a betrayal of those who loved and needed him, and she’d said as much to Roscoe. But this desperate woman could not have endured it.
She knew she’d made the right decision when Angela raised her head, her eyes frantically searching Pippa’s face.
‘Do you mean that?’ she whispered.
‘Yes, I do. He must have been terribly ill, and it was the illness that made him act, not his own heart. He never rejected you, and I know that wherever he is now he wants you to understand that. He can’t have peace until you have it first. You still love him, don’t you?’
‘Oh, yes-yes-’
‘Then do this for him. Speak to him in your heart and tell him you forgive him because you know he didn’t mean it. Tell him-’
She stopped for the air was singing. Suddenly, Dee was there with her, pointing to the words in her diary-words she’d spoken to the man she loved, not knowing if he could hear them, if he would ever hear them.
‘Tell him…tell him…’
‘What is it?’ Angela asked in wonder. ‘You look as if you’d seen a ghost.’
‘No,’ Pippa whispered. ‘You don’t need to see a ghost to feel it.’
‘What should I tell him?’
‘That he’s still with you,’ Pippa said slowly, ‘and he always will be, just as you’ll always be with him in your heart, until one day you really will be together again.’
‘And he won’t reject me?’ Angela whispered longingly. ‘After so long?’
‘It isn’t long. Time doesn’t really exist. It’s just an illusion.’
‘Yes, yes,’ Angela said eagerly. ‘I didn’t understand before, but I do now. You’re so kind and understanding.’
She buried her face against Pippa, still trembling, but no longer in agony.
A sound from the door made Pippa look up, and what she saw made her stiffen with shock.
Roscoe stood there. He was staring, seemingly dazed by the sight that met his eyes-his mother, in transports of joy and relief, in Pippa’s arms.
This was what he was trying to do for her, but never managed it, she thought. Perhaps he’ll hate me.
She recalled his chilly hostility when he’d discovered she knew about his father’s suicide. To him, this would seem even more of an intrusion.
She patted Angela’s shoulder. ‘Roscoe’s here.’
Angela raised her head. To Pippa’s pleasure, she smiled at the sight of Roscoe and reached out a hand.
‘Mother, what is it?’
‘It’s all right. Dear, dear Pippa has made me understand so much-she said such wonderful things-’
‘I heard what she said,’ Roscoe told her quietly. He took out a handkerchief and dabbed Angela’s face. ‘Don’t cry, Mother. There’s nothing to be sad about.’
‘I know. It was wonderful. Charlie won and he’ll be in the next round and, before we know it, he’ll be rich and famous.’
The phone rang and she snatched it up. ‘Charlie, darling, we were just talking about you-’
Pippa took a step away from Roscoe. Everything-her mind, her heart, her flesh-all were in turmoil at his appearance and the uncertainty over what he’d heard. Only one thing was sure. She must get away from him.
But she felt her hand taken between his in a grip she couldn’t resist, and he drew her away, out of Angela’s sight.
‘How can I ever thank you?’ he asked in a low, passionate voice. ‘I never dreamed I could see her so at peace again, and you did it.’
He raised her hands to his lips, kissing them, while she felt a happiness she’d feared never to know again. She tried to fight it, but it wouldn’t be fought.
‘You don’t mind that it was me?’ she asked.
‘If you mean would I rather have been the one who brought my mother peace again, then yes, I would. But as long as somebody can make her such a priceless gift, that’s the only thing that matters.’
‘Thank you,’ she said softly. ‘It hurt so much when we quarrelled, but at least we can part friends.’
‘Part? Are we going to part?’
‘We’ve already parted, Roscoe. You know that.’
‘But I don’t. Just because we said some terrible things-you pretended to be a floozie and I pretended to believe you. We can get past that if we want to.’
The turmoil of feeling that went through her was part joy at his love, part misery at the parting that she knew was inevitable, although he could not see it, and part terror that her own nerve might fail. She must leave him, but the knowledge filled her with anguish.
‘Surely you’re ready to try again,’ he said in a pleading voice. ‘The fact that you’re here-’
‘Charlie told me you wouldn’t be here tonight.’
‘He said that? Surely not? He knew I was coming.’
‘Maybe I misunderstood,’ she said huskily. ‘But it’s too late for us.’
‘It’ll never be too late while we love each other.’
She didn’t answer that. She didn’t dare.
Hearing Angela hanging up, Pippa said quickly, ‘I’ve got to go.’
‘I didn’t see your car outside.’
‘It’s finally had it.’
‘Then I’ll drive you. Don’t argue.’
Angela kissed her goodbye and watched them depart with a smile that said she was crossing her fingers for her hopes to come true.
‘Wrap up warmly; it’s snowing again,’ Roscoe said as he helped her on with her coat, drawing the edges together. ‘Your trouble is that you haven’t got anyone to look after you. Never mind, you’ll have me in future.’
She didn’t protest. It wasn’t true but she didn’t have the strength to dispel the beautiful dream right now. There would be time enough for heartbreak later.
