“What about on a day-to-day basis?'
“Unfortunately there aren't a lot of people lining up to play second string,' she admitted. 'But I do okay.'
“Is okay good enough?' This line of conversation could lead to very dangerous territory, she thought. Dangerous and tempting. While she might not mind fantasizing about Nash stepping in to provide backup, reality was very different, and she had to remember to keep the two worlds separate.
“Hard question to answer, as I don't have a choice in the matter.' She squeezed his fingers. 'Hey, let's change the subject. Your entire responsibility for me consists of pleasing me in bed. Nothing more.' • He studied her as if he wanted to say more, then nodded.
“They were talking about our father tonight,' he said. 'Earl Haynes was something of a bastard.'
“I've heard bits of gossip over the past few years.'
“He slept around and didn't seem to care about his wife or sons. All the brothers worry that they'll turn out like him.'
“From what I've seen, none of them have. Are you worried, too?' He shrugged.
She leaned close. 'You can let that one go.”
“Why? How do you know I'm different? I'm sleeping with you.'
“Yes, but that's simply proof of your excellent taste.' The corners of his mouth curved up. 'You think?'
“I know.' They were close enough that she could inhale the scent of him and feel his heat. Wanting flooded her, but she didn't act on the need. Part of it was she wanted to give the boys a few more minutes to fall asleep, and part of it was how much she liked the anticipation. After so many years of chaste living, it was fun to suddenly feel like a sex kitten.
“Having the information about your father means that you get to make informed choices,' she said. 'You know what to look out for.'
“One of your choices was staying with Marty,' he said. 'Was it a good one?' She sighed. 'As far as my sons are concerned, yes. I wouldn't give them up for anything. But asfar as making me personally happy in my marriage, no. Marty wasn't a good choice.' He reached out and stroked her cheek. 'Are you okay? Financially?'
“Didn't we already have this conversation?' she asked.
“Yes and you didn't answer the question.'
“Let me guess. You're not going to let it go until I do, right?' He nodded.
She knew she could shut him down by pointing out that none of this was his business. But Nash wasn't asking out of anything but concern. Although she had no clue what he would do if he thought she was in need. Offer her a low-interest loan? The thought was mildly amusing, but not much of a distraction. Was she going to tell him the truth or not? She settled on the truth because she'd never been a very good liar.
“We're doing okay,' she said slowly. 'I've told you what life was like with Marty so you know that there wasn't a lot of extra cash each month. I held down the only steady job in the family, so that made things tight. When Marty got the inheritance, it seemed like a miracle.'
“I was surprised when you told me he'd agreed to buy a house. It doesn't sound like his style.'
“Oh, it wasn't. We had huge fights. In the end, he gave in, but with a twist. We bought this place instead of a regular single-family home.' She glanced around at the high ceilings of her third-floor living area. 'At first I hated it. The last thing I wanted was a big mortgage and a lot of re- modeling. When Marty died, I was furious. I'd been left with this disaster. But over time, I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. We get a lot of tourists up here, and many of them love the idea of staying at a bed and breakfast. I've been able to do most of the remodeling myself, which has saved a lot of money. I make my own schedule, and I'm here when the boys get home from school. A regular job would mean day care and that would be financially impossible.'
“Interesting information,' he said, 'but you haven't answered the question.'
“We do okay,' she told him. 'Some months are tight, some aren't. I did manage to keep a small life insurance policy up on Marty so when he died there was some money from that. I put it away. If push comes to shove, it's my emergency fund. Fingers crossed I never have to use it.' She held up one hand.
“If all goes well,' she continued, 'I'll use it to pay for the boys' college. So I'm fine. Really.' He smiled. 'You're more than fine. You're responsible, giving and a great mom.' His compliment pleased her, which she told herself was silly. Still, she sat a little straighter and fought the urge to beam.
“I try.
“You succeed.' She shifted and, still facing him, leaned against the back of the sofa. 'Okay, fair's fair. You got to ask me a very personal question and now I get to do the same.'
“All right.' She thought about all the possibilities and settled on the one that troubled her the most.
“Tell me about your wife.' She watched closely, but Nash's expression didn't change. 'What do you want to know?'
“Whatever you want to tell me. Whatever…' Her voice trailed off as a horrifying thought occurred to her. Did he not want to talk about the woman because she still mattered so much? He'd claimed not to be thinking about her when they made love, but what if he'd been lying? What if there were ghosts who
“That's not the reason,' he said.
She blinked at him. 'What are you talking about?'
“I'm hedging because I don't know what to say about her, not because I'm heartbroken.'
“That's a relief.' She pressed her lips together. 'Wait a minute. How did you know what I was thinking?'
“It was a logical assumption.'
“Uh-huh.' She didn't buy that for a second. But what other explanation could there be? How strange that Nash knew her so well after just a short period of time, and despite all their years together, Marty had never known her at all. Was Marty's lack of knowledge due to some flaw within him, or had he never found her all that interesting?
“When I started working for the FBI,' he said, 'I quickly learned that emotional detachment was an asset. Nearly every situation is difficult on some level and leading with your heart is a good way to make the wrong decision. Staying emotionally dis- tant was something I'd learned while I was growing up and it served me well at the bureau.' Having heard about his close family, Stephanie couldn't imagine how or why Nash would detach. Sometimes he seemed a little distant with his family, but that could have been shyness or emotional reserve. Nothing about his relationship with her and her kids indicated he was anything but emotionally available, but this wasn't the time to go into that particular subject. She filed the question away to spring on him later.
“I've told you a bit about Tina. She was my opposite. Emotional, disorganized, leading with her heart instead of her head. I wasn't even sure I liked her at first.' His gaze narrowed slightly. 'I'm talking about after she was an agent. I never considered her as anything but a co-worker during training.'
“Of course not,' she murmured, believing him. Nash would never break that kind of rule.
“Dating led to more dating. After a while Tina suggested we live together. Marriage seemed like the next logical step.' How interesting, she thought. Had Tina been the one guiding the relationship? Nash almost made it sound like he was only along for the ride.
“How old were you when you got married?' she asked.
“Twenty-seven.' Okay-the right age for most guys to think about settling down. So had Tina been in the right place at the right time? Not a question she would be asking.
Stephanie resisted the urge to slap herself upside the head. She knew exactly what she was doing. Ifshe could convince herself to believe Nash had married Tina because it was 'time' and not because he was wildly in love with her, somehow that would make Stephanie feel better about their relationship. Crazy but true. She told herself to get over it.
“You didn't have a chance to have kids,' she said. 'I guess she passed away before you got around to that.' He shrugged. 'We never talked about it. I always wanted children. I guess Tina did, too. Then she was killed.'
“How?' she asked before she could stop herself.
“In the line of duty. A bomb exploded.' She'd been expecting a lot of answers, just not that one. A bomb sounded so violent. Because it
“I'm sorry,' she whispered.
“Thanks.' Nash's expression hadn't changed as he talked, but there was something in his eyes that tugged at her heart.
“Want to talk about this more or change the subject?' she asked.
