She nodded.
He touched a puckered oval on her thigh. “Bullet.”
“Just missed the bone.”
“Good thing.” Flesh could survive a bullet; bone usually shattered.
She sniffed.
He cupped her face and brushed his thumbs under her eyes.
“Don’t cry for me. I’m not worth it.”
She bent forward and clung to him. “You are to me.”
He swallowed hard. She knew too much. How was he supposed to hide from someone who could see into his very soul? The urge to run away was strong, but he forced himself to hug her close and murmur her name.
She rocked against him, reminding him parts of his body were growing impatient. She shifted slightly, rising up, then coming down on him, taking all of him in one liquid movement. He arched toward her and swore violently. She smiled her pleasure.
She rode him like a rodeo queen. Head back, hair flying, breasts bouncing, body alternately yielding and pushing him to completion as her paleness slipped up and down over his engorged organ.
She reached forward and they locked hands, fingers squeezing tight. He could feel her collecting herself again. He held back, wanting to watch her, wanting to see the flush of pleasure rise from her breasts to her face.
But at the first ripple of her climax, he found himself forced to follow with her. He thrust up and exploded, ripped apart by the pleasure, caught up in a moment of intimacy so intense, so purifying, he knew he would never be the same again.
Jamie snuggled close to Zach and absorbed his heat. She didn’t know how long they’d been entwined together, sharing their bodies long after the lovemaking was complete.
She inhaled the musky scent of him and smiled. She could pick him out of a lineup blindfolded. All she would have to do was sniff some exposed bit of skin and she would know where he was. The mental image of her wearing a blindfold in front of a line of men made her giggle.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, his voice husky and sensual.
“I was just thinking about how much I like the way you smell.”
“That’s amusing?”
“Sort of.”
They lay on their sides, facing the window. Zach curled against her back, their legs tangled, his arm around her waist. She rested her hand on top of his.
“I had a great time tonight,” she said. “Dinner was wonderful. Very romantic. I liked the dancing.”
“Me, too.” His voice rumbled in his chest. She could feel it vibrating against her back. “You’re a pretty good dancer.”
“I’m perfect if all we have to do is sway. Don’t test me on anything more complicated.”
“What about the rest of it?” he asked. “You know-dessert.”
She turned onto her back and stared up at him. “Gee, Zach, we didn’t have dessert. What are you talking about?”
He raised his eyebrows and waited.
She pretended confusion for a minute, even though she knew he wasn’t fooled. “Dessert? Hmm…oh, do you mean the sex? Well, I can’t possibly talk about it.”
“But you can do it? Is that what you’re saying? What, good girls don’t actually discuss the act in polite company?”
“You’re hardly polite.”
He reached for her and started tickling. She shrieked and tried to scoot away, but he still had an arm around her waist. He hauled her hard against him and nibbled on her neck. One of his hands searched out tender spots on her tummy. She wiggled and squealed until he let her go.
He released her and smoothed the hair from her face. Affection shone from his eyes. She understood this man. She knew what he wanted and what he feared.
In his heart, he wanted to walk away from the agency as much as she did. He wanted desperately to put it all behind him, but he was afraid. Being like everyone else meant facing the demons he’d locked inside for fourteen years. He would have to deal with everything he’d done, all he’d seen.
There were stories around the agency, of old-timers who retired somewhere quiet, as they’d always planned. Some were fine, but others lasted only a few months in the woods or by the shore. They either returned to the game and died in the field or took their own lives in that gray hour before dawn.
Zach wouldn’t accept either fate. If he stayed in the game too long, he wouldn’t be the best, and that would destroy him. If he walked away, then he had to wrestle the past and win. She felt confident he would be the victor, but how did she convince him of that? How did she find that magic combination of words to give him the strength to move forward? How did she convince him she loved him?
She stared up at his familiar, handsome face. She didn’t have those answers yet, and obviously he didn’t, either. So he advanced and retreated. Played at being strangers, then lovers. Held her in his arms, all the while believing he was going to be the one to walk away when this was over.
She smiled. “I really did have a good time today. Everything was great. Our run, the zoo. Even the shopping wasn’t so bad.”
“Told you,” he said, then kissed her briefly and rolled onto his back. He pulled her along with him, settling her so her head rested on his shoulder.
“Remember that family at the zoo?” she asked.
“Hmm.” His voice rumbled in his chest.
“They made it look so easy. That little girl was really cute. So much personality and so trusting.”
“And all that leopard could think was snack time.”
She brushed her hand over his chest, then tucked her fist under her chin. “Whenever I’ve thought about couples and children, I always thought it would be so complicated. But I’m beginning to see it doesn’t have to be. I’m making it complicated because I don’t understand the dynamics. Then I think of that old couple in the restaurant. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be married to someone for that long. Yet they looked really happy together. So it can be done, if you’re willing to work at it. There’s no magic, there’s just believing.”
“What’s your point?”
She ignored the slight stiffening of his body and snuggled closer. “I know why you’re afraid, Zach,” she whispered. “Despite that, it’s still worth the effort.”
“I won’t pretend to know what you’re talking about.”
She sat up and shifted so she was cross-legged. The sheet pooled around her waist, but she didn’t bother pulling it up. After all, he’d seen every part of her already. She had nothing to hide.
“I finally figured it out,” she said. “I know what happened in the past. It took me this long to figure it out because I couldn’t get beyond my own hurt to look at the bigger picture. I was so angry, for years I didn’t care about your feelings.”
He started to roll away. She placed her hand on his shoulder and held him in place. When he sagged back on the bed, she exhaled a sigh of relief. He could have defeated her physically. The fact that he didn’t gave her hope.
“Seven years ago-”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, cutting her off. “I don’t have any magic answers for you. I’m not interested in finding a way back to the world you so admire.” He glared at her but didn’t move away.
“We have to talk about it,” she said. “It’s important.” She paused to gather her thoughts. “Seven years ago, you told me I had to make a choice. Do you remember?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but continued. “I could either be a good agent or I could have a normal life. I couldn’t do both.”
He glanced away without saying anything.
“You were right,” she continued. “The agency requires a hundred percent commitment. I couldn’t have done that kind of work if I’d been worried about a husband or a family. But no matter how much I used work to fill my life, I couldn’t help but feel empty inside. For a long time, I thought it was just anger at you. I thought you’d led me on-got me to believe in you and care about you, then dumped me. I thought it was about your ego rather than my feelings.”
