the sheets, his features racked with pain.
And suddenly, her stomach flipped and her heart stalled. And she couldn’t stop the memories from slamming through her, of herself on that gurney years back-alone and in pain, bleeding and suffering badly.
Her knees grew weak at the memory, and she leaned against the wall for support. God, it had been so hard. That terrible fear, the awful pain. The misery of losing her child. The worry that she’d somehow caused it.
The absolute devastation of knowing Cade would rather leap from airplanes than stay with her.
But that wasn’t true. Cade hadn’t abandoned her. She blinked as reality came seeping back, and with it, the truth. Cade wasn’t like her father. He would have rushed to her side.
She was the one at fault. She hadn’t trusted him or his love, hadn’t given him a chance to help her. Then she’d left him without explanation and blamed him for her mistakes.
How could she have been so foolish?
Her blood still slamming in her ears, she struggled to regain her composure. Just then two women rushed past.
“We’re right behind you, Tommy,” one woman called.
Jordan watched them scurry into the curtained space behind the gurney, and then another truth rocked through her. Unlike her, that man wasn’t alone. He had friends to visit him, a support group, people eager to help-whereas Jordan had cut herself off from society back then. Even when they’d moved to Missoula, she hadn’t tried to fit in.
A bitter taste wedged in her throat. She didn’t like that glimpse of herself, but she had to admit it was true. She hadn’t made friends. She’d used her childhood as an excuse to withdraw from people, then blamed Cade for leaving her alone.
She closed her eyes. How could she have been so immature? Hadn’t she done anything right?
Still reeling from this view of her past, she opened her eyes and hobbled off. The bay doors opened with a quiet whoosh as she limped from the emergency room into the lobby, and then out the hospital’s main entrance. The automatic doors slid open to the dark night and a blast of cool air.
She worked her way to the curb, stopped and stared at the near-empty lot. So here she was again, alone. She didn’t have family or friends in Missoula, didn’t know anyone who could help her, aside from Cade. And she had nowhere left to go.
And that was her own damned fault.
She stumbled to a bench beneath a light pole and sat. Moths swarmed above her in the halogen haze. A few cars passed on the nearby road, people going home to waiting families. But no one was expecting her. She didn’t have that family she’d always longed for or the husband she’d always desired.
Because she’d pushed him away.
Her throat cramped with another spasm, and she blinked furiously to stem the hot tears. She’d messed up everything, all right. She’d wounded the man she’d loved and destroyed his trust.
But she couldn’t alter the past. And she couldn’t just sit here and weep. She wasn’t that weak girl anymore, and those helpless days were long gone. She sniffed back her tears and thought hard.
She could check herself into a motel, the same one she’d stayed in when she’d first arrived. She could take a taxi there and spend the night. Then, in the morning, she could resolve the rental car problem and take the first available flight back East.
But why bother? What did she have waiting in Virginia, aside from her job? She loved her work and had built herself a solid career, but nursing homes existed all over. She could find another job here if she decided to stay. Plus, she no longer had a boyfriend there; she couldn’t date Phil when she still loved Cade.
An ache pulsed down her throat at the thought of Cade, followed by a spurt of dread. She needed to break up with Phil. He was a kind, decent man, and she couldn’t lead him on any longer. No matter how distasteful the task, she had to tell him the truth.
She pulled her cell phone from her bag and turned it on, glad that the battery still worked. Then she paused. She couldn’t do it this way, not by phone. It wasn’t fair to Phil. She’d be taking the coward’s way out, running from her problems again.
And she wasn’t doing that anymore. She wasn’t that scared, immature girl; she was an adult, and she would face her problems head-on.
Which meant she had to tell Phil in person.
And then she had to decide what to do with her life.
A sharp, heavy longing pressed on her heart. God, she missed Cade. Only a few hours apart and already she couldn’t stand it. She missed his eyes, that rumbling voice, that sexy, confident grin. How could she bear to spend her life without him?
Was there any chance he would forgive her? She’d hurt him so badly and ruined the trust between them. Could she convince him that she’d changed?
She had to try.
Because she really wasn’t that young girl anymore. She’d changed over the years. She’d proven that up on the mountain. She’d forded a river and battled a cougar. She’d hiked miles on a wounded ankle and escaped a raging fire.
And no way was she now slinking out of Montana without fighting for the man she loved.
Just then, her cell phone beeped, and she held it up to the light. A text message had arrived from Phil.
Surprised, she punched the buttons to retrieve the message. Then she blinked. Phil was here in Missoula, waiting at her motel. He’d heard about the fire and had come to find her.
Her astonishment turned to dismay, and then settled into resolve. She hadn’t expected him here, but his arrival couldn’t be better. First, she would meet with him, explain that she didn’t love him and that he deserved a more suitable wife.
Then she’d track down the man she did love and plead for a second chance.
An hour later, she stood in front of Phil’s motel room and balanced her crutches on the faded red carpet. Muted voices from the television seeped through the door, so she knew that he was awake. She knocked, sending a loud rap echoing down the deserted hallway, then winced, hoping she wouldn’t disturb the neighbors. It was after midnight, too late for a social call, but past time to own up to her mistakes.
Seconds later, the security chain rattled, and then the door swung open and Phil stepped into view. His brown eyes blinked behind his wire-rimmed glasses. “Jordan?”
“Hi, Phil.” Warmth slid through her chest, along with a strong spurt of fondness, the delight at seeing a friend. There was no nervous anticipation, none of the thrilling jolts she felt whenever she saw Cade.
“Holy cow.” His jaw slack, he opened the door wider. His eyes grew dazed as he scanned from her torn jeans and dirty face to the bandages on her hands. “What happened to you?”
“I got caught in the fire.”
“Oh, man. I was afraid of that. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He stepped forward and opened his arms, then enveloped her in a hug. “Stop,” she protested. “I’ll get you dirty.”
But he squeezed her anyway, surrounding her with his strength. And she realized that it was this friendship, this dependability that she had confused with love. He was a safe and solid man.
Just not the right one for her.
“I came as soon as I heard about the fire,” he said, pulling away. “No one knew where you were, and I was going nuts trying to get news.”
He surveyed her, worry creasing his brow. His khaki slacks were wrinkled, his polo shirt askew. His normally neat hair was mussed, as if he’d tugged each strand from its place.
“I can’t believe this,” he continued. “You look…”
“Filthy, I know.” And like the fire survivor she was, bruised and battered, smeared with ashes and grime. Her matted hair tumbled wildly over her shoulders, and she reeked of smoke and sweat.
“And you’ve got crutches,” he noted, still looking stunned.
“It’s just a sprained ankle. Nothing serious.” She gazed into his familiar face and felt his warmth and concern.
A weight loosened around her heart, and any doubts she might have harbored vanished. And suddenly she felt
