Tales of Ethshar

intricate patterns.

Deyor held back, knowing it could be dangerous to interrupt a wizard at his work, but Shanelle strode across the garden, greenish gown in hand. “Hai!” she called. “Wizard!”

Manolo paid no attention as he plunged the blade of his knife into the pot of boiling water, then brought it up and flung several drops on the statue. “Pyrzqxgl!” he shouted.

There was a shimmer, and the air seemed to change color for an instant; then the statue’s white surface began to melt away, revealing black hair and light brown skin.

“Ha!” Manolo exclaimed. “I told them it was too accurate for a mere carving!”

Deyor stared in amazement as the woman who had been a statue a moment before gradually returned to life, blinking in surprise and turning to look at her surroundings.

Shanelle, however, paid no attention as she stamped up to the wizard. “Hai!” she said, waving the gown. “I’m talking to you! Unhappy customer here!”

“What?” Manolo turned, startled, as he finally realized he was not alone in the garden — or rather, that he and the former statue were not alone.

“That wardrobe you sold me!” Shanelle shouted. “Do you have any idea how hideous the stuff it’s making is?”

The former statue turned to stare at the wizard and his angry customer. “Where am I?” she asked. “Who are you people?”

Manolo smiled at her, and bowed. “I am Manolo the Blank, master wizard,” he said. “I have just reversed a petrifaction spell someone cast on you long ago.”

“Wizard!” Shanelle demanded.

Annoyed, Manolo turned to her. “Could you wait for just a moment, please? I have just rescued this lovely woman from a fate worse than death, by means of a very dangerous eighth-order spell, and I would like to have a few words with her. I will attend to your complaint shortly.”

“You’d better,” Shanelle said. She glared at the naked woman. “Who are you, anyway, and who turned you to stone?”

“My name is Vweeton,” she said. “I assume it was the wizard Ballensyagga who petrified me — he objected to having to compete with a witch for business.”

Shanelle looked dubious. “What kind of a name is Vweeton?” she demanded. She turned to Manolo. “You know, I don’t think she was petrified at all; I think your magic brought a real statue to life.”

“Oh, no,” Manolo said. “Javan’s Restorative won’t do that. Here, look.” He dipped the dagger in the pot again and flung a few drops at the beast statue. “Pyrzqxgl,” he said.

The air flickered, and the white surface began to dissolve, revealing tawny fur; Manolo’s mouth fell open in astonishment. “But it can’t!” he said. “That’s an imaginary monster!”

“What, the lion?” Vweeton said, stepping down from her pedestal. “No, it’s not imaginary; why would you think that?” She walked toward the emerging beast and reached out a calming hand. “You might want to find some way to restrain him, though. I can keep him happy with my witchcraft for awhile, but I’m eventually going to get tired, and he’s going to get hungry, and yes, he’ll happily eat people.”

“Augh!” Manolo said, backing away.

“You might also find me some clothes,” the witch said, as she petted the lion’s head. “I suppose Ballensyagga caught me in my bath — at least, the last thing I remember is hearing a noise as I got out of the tub.”

Manolo looked around and saw the gown draped on Shanelle’s arm. “What’s that?” he asked.

“That,” Shanelle said, “is why I’m here. It’s hideous! Your magic wardrobe is turning out the ugliest clothes I’ve ever seen!”

“It’s still better than nothing,” Vweeton said. “Toss it here.”

Shanelle obeyed. “Go ahead and put it on, if you want,” she said, “but don’t blame me if you look like a clown.”

Vweeton stepped away from the lion and untangled the dress, then pulled it over her head, tugged it down, and settled it on her hips. She looked down at it critically.

Shanelle, Deyor, Armani, and Manolo stared. The chartreuse that had looked so ghastly in Shanelle’s bedroom went surprisingly well with the witch’s brown skin, and the absurd single shoulder was oddly fetching.

“You know,” Deyor said, after a long moment of silence, “on you, it looks good.”

Notes

All the characters who appear in the story are named for fashion icons:

Shanelle = Chanel

Deyor = Dior

Guchi = Gucci

Manolo the Blank = Manolo Blahnik

Armani = Armani

Vweeton = Vuitton

Ballensyagga = Balenciaga

General Gor, Lord Wulran, Javan, and Piskor the Generous are established figures in Ethshar’s history, and the geography (this is set in Ethshar of the Rocks) is accurate and consistent with all other Ethshar stories.

In case you didn’t pick up on it, the “blue breeches” are a pair of jeans.

“Timsez mekkitwerk” = “Tim says, make it work,” a reference to Tim Gunn’s signature line on TV’s “Project Runway.”

“Pyrzqxgl” is the magic word used by Kiki Aru to transform himself and others in L. Frank Baum’s The Magic of Oz.

Armani’s initial refusal to admit the visitors to see the wizard is modeled on a scene in MGM’s 1939 film of “The Wizard of Oz.”

And I trust the presence of a lion, a witch, and a wardrobe requires no explanation.

About “The Warlock’s Refuge”

Back in the 1990s I wrote Night of Madness, describing how warlockry first arrived in the World, and how an accommodation was reached between these new magicians and the existing society. That story introduced Lord (later Chairman) Hanner, and established how the Calling worked. It also showed how there might be an obvious way to avoid the Calling. Clearly, I needed to explain why warlocks never exploited this, so I plotted “The Warlock’s Refuge.” I didn’t actually get around to writing it for a decade or so, though. I only finally did so because I needed readers to be familiar with it before tackling the novel that eventually became The Unwelcome Warlock. I had been planning that story (then called The Final Calling) since the 1980s, but kept putting it off, as there were all these other pieces that I thought should be done first, such as The Vondish Ambassador and “The Warlock’s Refuge.”

I did get to it eventually. “The Warlock’s Refuge” was published on my website in April of 2010, and then republished as Chapter One of The Unwelcome Warlock, and here it is again.