We danced around in a tight, difficult circle, me holding on to her wrists for dear life—getting killed was one thing, but having my eyeballs clawed out was something else again—and her straining to mess up my pretty face in all sorts of nasty ways.
“Can’t--we--just--get--along?” I managed.
“You go to hell,” she snapped.
“But I don’t want to see your mom anytime soon.”
“Stop calling her that!”
“Fine. I don’t want to see the fallen angel who gave you life. See? I didn’t use the M word.”
She yanked me forward, which I wasn’t expecting, and gave me a savage head butt. Stars actually exploded behind my eyes and I sagged in her grip.
Which is when she picked me up and threw me out the window.
I heard the glass shatter but, fortunately, didn’t feel it. Mostly because my entire face had gone numb. When the hell had Laura learned to fight dirty?
I’d actually thought I could take her, reasoning that I’d been in more fights than she had. It was only about the tenth time I’d underestimated the Big Bad.
I hit the lawn with a teeth-?rattling thud, thought about passing out for a few seconds, then painfully climbed to my knees.
Where I spotted the feet.
Clad in Vera Wang strappy gold sandals in mint condition.
Only one creature in the galaxy has such great shoes.
I flopped over on my back and stared up into the devil’s smiling face.
Chapter 53
Hello, Betsy,” Satan said cheerfully. “Having a bad week?”
“You,” I groaned.
“Yes, me. That’s it? That’s the best you can do? You were never the sharpest knife in the drawer, Betsy, when it came to rejoinders.”
“Fuck rejoinders. This is your fault. You drove Laura crazy.”
“I certainly did not.” The devil had the nerve to look offended. She was a petite woman with gray-?streaked hair pulled back in a bun. Her navy blue suit ruffled, showing her indignation.
“Did, too.”
“No, I stayed well away from Laura.” The devil smiled, revealing dimples. “I might, however, said a word or two in Dr. Marc Spangler’s ear.”
“Oh, man,” I said. It occurred to me I was still lying on the lawn, broken glass everywhere, bleeding, and Satan was standing over me.
Yep. Things could not get any worse.
That’s when Marc came sailing out the same window and landed right on top of me.
Chapter 54
Marc squashed me so thoroughly it was a damned good thing I didn’t need to breathe much. I lay on the grass like a landed trout, my mouth opening and closing, shoving and pushing at his carcass.
“Betsy,” Marc said, remarkably unharmed. Of course, I’d broken his fall. Stretch some rubber over me and call me a trampoline. “This is all my fault.”
“It’s not,” I wheezed.
“No, really, it is. I—”
“Marc, do you think you could get the hell off me sometime today?”
He leaned back, squashing just one lung now. “I’m the one who—”
“It’s not your fault. Marc, this is Satan. Satan, this is—”
“I know Dr. Spangler, thank you.”
Marc was gaping up at the devil. “Satan? Laura’s mother, Satan? That Satan?”
“How many do you know?” I pushed him the rest of the way off me and climbed slowly to my feet. “We’re the flies in her web, as usual.”
The devil shook her head. “I never interfere with free will.”
“No, but you’re sure good at inspiring it. I’ve got to get back in there.”
“But we were having such a nice talk. Where are you going?”
“I’m gonna go tell Laura what you did.”
The devil raised a dark eyebrow. “You’re going to tattle on the devil?”
“Damn right!”
I began the painful climb back up through the window, pausing just long enough to tell Marc, “Will you for God’s sake get the hell out of here? Somebody’s likely to get killed and I’d rather it wasn’t you.”
I’d rather it wasn’t me, either, but I wasn’t placing any bets on that one.
Chapter 55
Dude,
You are not even going to believe what happened next. I was there, and I hardly believe it myself.
I pulled another one of the hooded jerks off Sinclair—there appeared to be an unending supply—but one of them fell back so fast he knocked me through a window. It was a little like being in a Western. The window, luckily, had already been broken.
By Betsy, whom I landed on. It was the closest thing to straight sex I’d experienced in years. Although I have to say, she was more bony than lush. It was those long femurs of hers.
Betsy, clearly squashed, managed a weak groan. I tried to explain what had happened, which is when she introduced me to the devil. The devil. Then she (Betsy) scrambled back through the window.
I decided there was a strong possibility that I was concussed, and reminded myself to watch for symptoms. Surely this was the result of a mind weakened by blunt-?force trauma.
“So, Marc. Let’s talk. How have you been?”
I gaped at her. This was Lucifer? The Fallen One? Samael? The Morningstar? She looked like a beautiful middle-?aged, gray-?streaked brunette with pretty shoes. And those ankles! I was getting straighter and straighter by the moment.
“What do you want with us?”
“Nothing at all.” The devil gazed thoughtfully at the broken window. “Laura’s my primary interest. The rest of you—you’re just wrenches in the toolbox of life. Things to use. Tools.”
“That was a terrible analogy.”
The devil gave me a decidedly unfriendly look.
“Why don’t you just leave Laura alone, to live her own life?”
“Dear boy. Even mothers who aren’t me can’t do that for their children.”
“She could have a happy life if you’d just leave her alone.”
Satan snorted through her nose. “Leave her alone? Never! She’s been poisoned by humanity. She actually thinks what happens to other people matters. I have the cure for that diseased worldview.”
I stood, brushing grass off my knees. “I don’t like you one bit.”
“Ooooh.” The devil smirked. “That one hurt. By the way, Marc, he knows.”
