there was a woman, she was a big woman and she was a sad
woman, she had been in her life to the mountains and to the ocean,
she had seen the sand, she did not go to the desert.
she had never been sad before, she had felt everything else, she had
been very smart all the years she was growing up. she had had big
beautiful eyes, she had opened her legs a lot. she didnt remember
much of all that.
she had been very powerful, she had absorbed all the men she
knew into her, one by one, two by two, then, as time passed, three by
three and four by four, she remembered her husband, she
remembered her first love, she remembered the first 4 men even
when she forgot the rest.
sometimes she would walk down the street, then she would see a
face that remembered her. she walked faster then.
when she was married she had a dog and a cat. she did not think
much of people then, each day she thought less of people.
her friends liked her a lot. they thought that she was strong, they
were good to her. sometimes they touched her. sometimes they fed
her. sometimes they put on a record, sometimes they walked
with her.
her friends gave her money, because she was poor, her friends
always cared what happened to her. the more they cared, the less she
let them know, the more they cared, the sadder she became.
she never betrayed her friends, she never betrayed strangers, she
had a code, she wanted to be good, she wanted to be strong, she
wanted to feel everything all the time, and she wanted to feel so
much all at once that she would die young, and never have to grow
old and never have to live all those years, she wanted to pack everything into a short space of time, her first goal was 19. then she became 19, and she didnt die. it surprised her. nothing had ever surprised her like that.
when she didnt die at 19 she became confused, so she got married,
when she got married she wanted to live to be 80. that was her goal,
so she dressed well then, and made a schedule, and fed her husband,
and talked politely to his friends, and was faithful, and kept the
house clean.
soon she was in great pain, soon she was so lonely, soon she woke
up, made the beds, cleaned the house, did the laundry, made the
dinner, did the dishes, watched television, and went to sleep, soon he
stopped coming home, and soon they stopped making love, and soon
she knew she would live to be 80, and she didnt want that anymore.
so she left her husband, and she was poor again, and this time she
thought 33.
she liked movies and books and music, it was harder to like
people.
she liked animals and she liked to talk to old people, she asked
them where they had been and how they had lived, she asked them
who they were and what had happened to them over the years.
she was poor, and she went to the city, she remembered the mountains and the ocean and she remembered that she had never seen the desert.
