in the city there was great pain and suffering, in the city there were
poor people and hungry people and angry people and brutal people,
in the city she sat alone, in the city she was alone.
everything changed, all day long she was alone, everything was different. all day long she was alone, everything changed, she was big and she was sad.
now there were young boys, now they were young and soft and unsure. now they were children that she turned to, one by one, then two by two, and as the days passed, three by three and four by four.
there was a special one. he was short, and he smiled, he had 2
dogs, she didnt have any power anymore, she had given it all away,
she didnt have any power and she wanted young boys.
the special one lived near her. he hung out on the street, he liked
the violence of the street, he was very young, he would feel it in the
air and smile his smile and wait for it to happen, she liked him and
she was afraid.
he wanted her to come to him. he asked her many times, each time
she smiled sadly, she had something to do. she was tired, in the heat
of that summer she was dirty, her feet had blisters, her skin had
boils, her sadness was in her like a lump blocking her throat hurting
her breast choking inside her chest.
each day she passed him on the street, each day he smiled and
called to her. each day he asked her to come see him. each day she
wanted him more and more, each day she sat alone and walked her
dog and read from a book and listened to music, each day she was
busy, each day they smiled at each other and he asked her to come to
him and she said I will and she did not.
then one day she did. she remembered the mountains and the
ocean and the desert she had not seen and the power she had had.
she went to him and he smiled at her and he was her lover and because she was sad she became more sad. and because he was young and soft and unsure she became more sad.
they walked down the street sometimes, sometimes they were in his
room, sometimes they took his 2 dogs and her 1 dog to the park.
then the winter came and he was not very young anymore, she was
still sad and still he was her lover, sometimes they laughed together,
she did not go to him anymore,
when the spring came she left the city,
she went to the mountains,
she was alone there.
when the summer came she let a young boy who lived in the mountains make love to her. her sadness returned again and worse, when the fall came she began to wait for the snows,
when the snows came she took long walks.
she had her dog, and a wood stove, and she loved the trees and the
snow, she loved her solitude, and her sadness disappeared as the
snow melted.
when the spring came she wrote small fragile poems,
when the summer came she went into the city,
she was 27 now and the city was her mirror, she wore heavy boots
and she smoked cigarettes as she walked down the streets and she
gave quarters to the beggars, she drank tequila and four by four they
were her lovers again,
