criminals. It had always been political to articulate a crime

that had happened to one and name the criminal, but that had

been on a small scale: the family, the village, the local legal

system. Sometimes one remembered but made no accusation.

This was true with pogroms as well as rapes.

There have been Holocaust survivors who refused to

remember, and there is at least one known Holocaust survivor

who is a Holocaust denier.

It has been hard to get crimes against women recognized as

such. Rape was a crime against the father or husband, not the

victim herself. Incest was a privately protected right hidden

under the imperial robe of the patriarch. Prostitution was a

crime in which the prostitute was the criminal no mat er who

forced her, who hurt her, or how young she was in those first

days of rape without complicity. A woman’s memory was so

inconsequential that her word under oath meant nothing.

Now we have a kind of half-memory; one can remember

being raped, but remembering the name and face of the

158

Memory

rapist, saying the name aloud, pointing to the face, actually

compromises the victim’s claim. People are willing to cluck

empathetically over the horror of rape as long as they are not

made responsible for punishing the rapist.

Proust’s madeleine signifies the kind of memory one may

have. That memory may be baroque. A regular woman who

has been coerced had bet er have a very simple story to tell

and a rapist dripping with gold lame guilt instead of sweat.

A worker in a rape crisis center told me this story. It

happened down the street from where I live. A woman moved

into a new apartment on the parlor level, slightly elevated

from the street but not by much. She needed to have someone

come into her new apartment to install new windows. The

worker did most of the work but said that he needed a particular tool in order to finish. He said that he would be willing to come back that evening to finish the job. The woman was

grateful; after al , there is nothing quite as dangerously insecure

as an urban apartment near the ground floor with unlocked

windows. He came back; he beat and raped her. At the trial

his defense was that he had been her boyfriend, she had had

sex with him many times, she liked it rough, and as with the

other times this was not rape. She, of course, did not know

him at al .

The jury believed him, which is to say that they had reasonable doubt about her testimony. After al , she could not prove that he had not been her boyfriend, that she had never met

159

Heartbreak

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