wise in the ways of the Jedi by now! Shmi, who had lived all of her life in a small area of drab Tatooine, knew that she could hardly imagine the wonders her boy might have found out there among the stars, on planets so different from this, with colors more vivid and water that filled entire valleys.
A wistful smile widened on her still-pretty face as she remembered those days long ago, when she and her son had been slaves of the wretch Watto. Annie, with his mischief and his dreams, with his independent attitude and unsurpassed courage, used to so infuriate the Toydarian junk dealer. Despite the hardships of life as a slave, there had been good times, too, back then. Despite their meager food, their meager possessions, despite the constant complaining and ordering about by Watto, she had been with Annie, her beloved son.
'You should come in,' came a quiet voice behind her. Shmi's smile only widened, and she turned to see her stepson, Owen Lars, walking over to join her. He was a stocky and strong boy about Anakin's age, with short brown hair, a few bristles, and a wide face that could not hide anything that was within his heart.
Shmi tousled Owen's hair when he moved beside her, and he responded by draping an arm across her shoulders and kissing her on the cheek. 'No starship tonight, Mom?' Owen asked good-naturedly. He knew why Shmi had come out here, why she came out here so very often in the quiet night. Shmi turned her hand over and gently stroked it down Owen's face, smiling. She loved this young man as she loved her own son, and he had been so good to her, so understanding of the hole that remained within her heart. Without jealousy, without judgment, Owen had accepted Shmi's pain and had always given her a shoulder to lean on.
'No starship this night,' she replied, and she looked back up at the starry canopy. 'Anakin must be busy saving the galaxy or chasing smugglers and other outlaws. He has to do those things now, you know.'
'Then I shall sleep more soundly from this night forward,' Owen replied with a grin.
Though she was kidding, of course, Shmi did realize a bit of truth in her presumption about Anakin. He was a special child, something beyond the norm- even for a Jedi, she believed. Anakin had always stood taller than anyone else. Not physically-physically, as Shmi remembered him, he was just a smiling little boy, with curious eyes and sandy blond hair. But Annie could do things, and so very well. He was the first human ever to win one of the Podraces, and that when he was only nine years old! And in a racer that, Shmi remembered with an even wider smile, had been built with spare parts taken from Watto's junkyard.
But that was Anakin's way, because he was not like the other children, or even like other adults. Anakin could 'see' things before they happened, as if he was so tuned to the world about him that he understood innately the logical conclusion to any course of events. He could often sense problems with his Podracer, for example, long before those problems manifested themselves in a catastrophic way. He had once told her that he could feel the upcoming obstacles in any course before he actually saw them. It was his special way, and that was why the Jedi who had come to Tatooine had recognized the unique nature of the boy and had freed him from Watto and taken him into their care and instruction. 'I had to let him go,' Shmi said quietly. 'I could not keep him with me, if that meant living the life of a slave.'
' I know,' Owen assured her.
'I could not have kept him with me even if we were not slaves,' she went on, and she looked at Owen, as if her own words had surprised her. 'Annie has so much to give to the galaxy. His gifts could not be contained by Tatooine. He belongs out there, flying across the stars, saving planets. He was born to be a Jedi, born to give so much more to so many more.'
'That is why I sleep better at night,' Owen reiterated, and when Shmi looked at him, she saw that his grin was wider than ever.
'Oh, you're teasing me!' she said, reaching out to swat her stepson on the shoulder. Owen merely shrugged.
Shmi's face went serious again. 'Annie wanted to go,' she went on, the same speech she had given Owen before, the same speech that she had silently repeated to herself every night for the last ten years. 'His dream was to fly about the stars, to see every world in the whole galaxy, to do grand things. He was born a slave, but he was not born to be a slave. No, not my Annie.
'Not my Annie.'
Owen squeezed her shoulder. 'You did the right thing. If I was Anakin, I would be grateful to you. I'd understand that you did what was best for me. There is no greater love than that, Mom.'
Shmi stroked his face again and even managed a wistful smile.
'Come on in, Mom,' Owen said, taking her hand. 'It's dangerous out here.' Shmi nodded and didn't resist at first as Owen started to pull her along. She stopped suddenly, though, and stared hard at her stepson as he turned back to regard her. 'It's more dangerous out there,' she said, sucking in her breath, her voice breaking. Alarm evident in her expression, she looked back up at the wide and open sky. 'What if he is hurt, Owen? Or dead?'
'It's better to die in pursuit of your dreams than to live a life without hope,' Owen said, rather unconvincingly.
Shmi looked back at him, her smile returning. Owen, like his father, was about as grounded in simple pragmatism as any man could be. She understood that he had said that only for her benefit, and that made it all the more special.
She didn't resist anymore as Owen began to lead her along again, back to the humble abode of Cliegg Lars, her husband, Owen's father. She had done the right thing concerning her son, Shmi told herself with every step. They had been slaves, with no prospects of finding their freedom other than the offer of the Jedi. How could she have kept Anakin here on Tatooine, when Jedi Knights were promising him all of his dreams? Of course, at that time, Shmi had not known that she would meet Cliegg Lars that fateful day in Mos Espa, and that the moisture farmer would fall in love with her, buy her from Watto, and free her, and only then, once she was a free woman, ask her to marry him. Would she have let Anakin go if she had known the changes that would come into her life so soon after his departure?
Wouldn't her life be better now, more complete by far, if Anakin were beside her?
Shmi smiled as she thought about it. No, she realized, she would still have wanted Annie to go, even if she had foreseen the dramatic changes that would soon come into her life. Not for herself, but for Anakin. His place was out there. She knew that.
Shmi shook her head, overwhelmed by the enormity of it all, by the many winding turns in her life's path, in Anakin's path. Even in hindsight, she could not be sure that this present situation was not the best possible outcome, for both of them.
But still, there remained a deep and empty hole in her heart.
