A Girl's Guide to Vampires

'And one who likes to read.'

'So in other words, you want Beaver Cleaver's dad?'

I ignored Roxy's comments, deciding if I was going to do this, I might as well do it right. I thought for a long moment about what I wanted in a man, what I really wanted, what secret desires were hidden deep within me. Slowly, out of the everyday confusion of my mind, an image wavered before me, growing solid as the gentle herb- scented night breeze washed over me. With the brightening image came the words, hesitant and charged with a strange emotion, as if it weren't really me speaking. 'He will send shivers of delight down my spine with the dark cloak of intrigue wrapped around him. He will captivate me, fascinate me, fold me into the air of mystery and adventure that surrounds him, making my blood sing with desire. He will need me, depend on me, trust me where he has trusted no other. He will light my dark hours, and his love will shine as a beacon that will guide me through the most twisted of paths. He is my strength, my faith, and I will not really begin to live until I know his heart is mine.'

'Ooooh,' Roxy breathed. 'That is so romantic. You should write that down.'

I blinked as the image in my mind turned to mist and evaporated. I felt a bit dizzy, like I'd been turning somersaults down a long hill. I was more than a little bit weirded out by the whole thing until I remembered the gin and tonics I'd been sipping on. Although alcohol had never triggered that sort of a vision before, there was a first time for everything.

'I want all that on my list, too!'

'Too late, it's mine,' I told Roxy with a dazed grin. She punched me in the arm.

'Is that all?' Miranda asked us both, completing the circle and returning to her spot.

'It is for me, since old greedy-guts there won't share the good stuff on her list,' Roxy said huffily.

I ran down my mental checklist. Yup, it was all there, all but for one last item…

'I have one more request,' I said.

Miranda paused in the act of lighting the large candle sitting before her.

'Big private parts,' I told them. 'That's important, don't you think? I mean, size does matter, no matter what they say, right? And since we are talking the man for me, my soul mate, he'll be the only one I sleep with for the rest of my life, so I think he should have really nice personal equipment. Something memorable. The phrase 'hung like a horse' comes to mind.'

'Joy Martine Randall!' Roxy choked.

I made an innocent little moue at her. 'What's wrong? Mad you didn't think of it first?'

Her hazel eyes flashed a warning at me. I cackled. She was mad I had beaten her to big genitals.

Miranda gave me a look of martyrdom that had me biting back my cackle to a more seemly giggle. 'OK, you don't have to include that last item on the official request list. I can live with a man with a regular set of dangly bits as long as the rest of the items are there. If he meets the other requirements, I'll be happy.'

Miranda sighed and shook her head. 'You're so flippant, both of you, I don't know how you expect me to help you find the man you are searching for if all you're thinking of is the size of his crotch and whether or not he's likely to laugh at your jokes. This is serious; the power of the Goddess is nothing to be taken lightly. You should be reaching out with your heart and soul to find this man, not parroting the silly ideas you've soaked up from those romances you both read.'

Roxy and I instantly united in a solid front against her condemnation of our beloved romances.

'They aren't silly or horrible; romances are upbeat and fun to read,' my bosom buddy protested.

'Yeah,' I added, flipping another ice chip at Davide. He gave me an open-mouthed silent hiss that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Skeptic I might be, but there was no reason to be stupid and tempt powers I wasn't sure didn't exist.

Miranda stilled. 'What about those vampire books you are both addicted to?'

Something in the air between us thickened. I wondered if an electrical storm was on its way. 'What about them?' I asked.

'They're dangerous.'

'Dangerous? How can books be dangerous? They're just a series of stories about heroes who happen to be vampires, Miranda. It's not like they advocate the drinking of blood or anything.'

'Some people,' she said to me, without taking her gaze off Roxy, 'believe them to be a guide to their fate.'

I looked between her and Roxy. The latter was sitting quietly, picking at the leather thong on her sandal, not meeting our eyes.

'Some people believe every word written in them to be the truth.'

I shook my head. 'No one really believes in the Book of Secrets' Dark Ones,' I told Miranda. They're just really dark, broody heroes that turn a lot of women on, myself included, I'm not too horribly embarrassed to say. Just because we like the stories doesn't mean we believe that vampires really exist.'

'I do,' came a soft voice.

I stared at my friend of nineteen years.

'I do,' she said louder, with more confidence, an obstinate set to her jaw that I knew well. 'I believe they really exist. C. J. Dante, the author of the Book of Secrets series has done extensive research in the Moravian Highlands, the area where the Dark Ones live. He even moved there so he could be closer to them, so he could study them and learn their ways. I believe they exist.'

She must have felt the weight of two sets of disbelieving eyes, because she hiked her chin up even higher. 'Well, I do!'

'Roxy…' I shook my head. 'Honey, I know it's a tempting thought to believe that such things really exist, but come on! Vampires? Men who drink blood and burn up in the sun and wander around all tormented and angsting because they haven't found the right woman to save their soul? I'll admit some of the guys you've dated might meet a few of those qualifications, but we're going to have to have a long, long talk if you're going to start believing in ghosties and goulies and things that go bump in the night.'

I had forgotten in whose house I was sitting.

' 'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy',' Miranda said quietly.

'Yeah, but I don't think Shakespeare had Moravian Dark Ones in mind when he wrote that,' I argued.

She just looked at me with light gray eyes that reminded me of a full moon at its brightest. Her belief in things that I doubted made me uncomfortably aware of just what I was doing sitting in a circle of candles. 'Look, why don't we get on with this? Dr. Miller wants me to re-catalog the entire biology collection before we leave for Germany, and I'd like to get some sleep before I face a bunch of books on fungi and spores and mildew in the morning.'

'No,' Roxy said stubbornly. 'I want to hear why Miranda believes in the good powers she uses, but won't admit the possibility of a darker side of the same power.'

Miranda shook her head, her red curls a riot of crimson and gold in the candlelight. 'I never said I don't believe in a dark power, Roxanne. I do, most profoundly. There are things I have seen that I hope I never see again, but that type of danger is not what I'm speaking about. I'm talking about the power of persuasion, the intent of the author who includes in his fiction ideas dangerous to your soul.'

'Dante writes them as fiction, true,' Roxy argued, 'but all of his followers know the stories are based on truths he has uncovered during his research. You should see the websites devoted to the genealogies of the people Dante has written about—'

'They're romances for the masses, glorifying the cult of bloodsucking killers.'

'Oh!' Roxy stormed, leaping up. I reached out to grab the back of her leg, but she sidestepped quickly until she was almost out of the circle. 'Bloodsucking killers? I'll have you know that every single Dark One is tormented, very, very tormented by the horrible truth of his life, and none of them kill people. They just borrow a little blood now and again. I don't see what's so wrong about that!'

'Roxanne, if you don't sit back down, you will break the Circle of Truth, and the Invocation will be useless.'

She sat down with a hrmph. 'Take it back, Miranda.'

'This Dante is guilty of brainwashing you, of seducing innocents like yourself into thinking the darkness found