A Girl's Guide to Vampires

in men's souls is something to be tampered with…'

'Luke, beware the dark side,' I intoned in my best Obi Wan Kenobi voice.

Both women turned astonished faces at me. I gave them a weak smile and held up my hands. 'Sorry, I thought it was funny. You know, Miranda, I don't mean to be picky, but some of what you believe could be thought to be a bit… well, out there.'

She raised an eyebrow. 'My beliefs are not the point—it is the silliness of these books, these novels that you and others insist on believing are real that I'm concerned about.'

'I don't believe they're real,' I said at the same time Roxy muttered, 'They're a lot more real than some things I can name.'

'Only the foolish meddle in the darkness in men's souls,' Miranda warned.

'Dark Ones are not evil, they just appear that way at first!' Roxy snapped back.

They glared at each other until I decided to mellow them both out.

'Would you two lighten up a bit? You're giving me the creeps with all this talk about the dark power of men's souls and stuff.'

Miranda was shaking her head again, even before I stopped speaking. 'The dark power within each of us is nothing to joke about, Joy.'

'Right. Sorry. So why don't we agree to disagree?' I asked, gesturing between the two of them. 'Roxy will continue to believe that there are actual Moravian Dark Ones wandering around looking for women to save their souls, and you'll continue to believe that famed author C. J. Dante is a nutball bent on world domination by brainwashing millions of frustrated housewives. K? Are we all happy now?'

'I won't be until she takes back what she said about the Dark Ones!'

Miranda sighed as she made sweeping gestures with her hands to reinforce the bounds of the circle. 'Very well, I take it back. They're harmless little books that give you and millions of others pleasure, and as long as you realize they are fiction, complete fiction, and not a guidebook to exploring the dark forces within, I will withdraw my objections.'

I figured that was as much of an apology as she was going to give. Roxy evidently decided the same, because she nodded.

'I want to warn you both, though,' Miranda added as she shook a long, elegant finger at us, 'that those who play with fire should expect to be consumed by it.'

'Consumed by the fire of passion.' I grinned at her as I fingered the remaining ice in my glass. 'Sounds like something from one of Dante's books! I'm willing to bet there are worse ways to go, huh?'

Davide gave me another silent hiss.

Chapter Two

'You think she's mad at us?'

Roxy rolled her eyes and shifted into third, a quick flip of her wrist sending her ancient MG hurtling into what looked like a four-foot space between two semis. Once I stopped screaming and peeled my hands from my eyes, I turned to glare at her.

'No, I don't think Miranda is mad at us.'

'Oh, good.' If there's one rule I try to live my life by, it's not to make a witch angry.

'I think she's mad at you.'

'She is not,' I said indignantly, trying to adjust my legs. In the tiny car, my knees were pretty much jammed under my chin. It's been my experience that people who are six feet tall and built like a brick house don't fit well into tiny sports cars. 'You're the one who had to go babbling on and on about how you believe in the Dark Ones.'

'Well, I do. You do, too.'

'I do not.'

'Ha! Just last week when you finished Book of Secrets XII you said that Xavier was the hunkiest Moravian yet, and that if you had been around, he never would have had to face The Decision by himself because you would have been there to save him before he became that desperate. Go on, tell me you didn't say that. Tell me you didn't call dibs on him before I could.'

'Fwah! I don't believe in any of that hocus-pocus, and you know it.'

'If you don't believe, why do you read rune stones for people, hmmm?'

I gave her a jaded smile. 'Because they're pretty. You know full well it's just a party trick, nothing more.'

'Ha! A party trick doesn't explain—'

'LOOK OUT! Dammit, Roxy, will you watch where you're going? You almost gave me a heart attack!'

She honked and waved at the semi truck driver as we swerved around it, zooming down the long, curving highway so characteristic of the wild, untamed back roads of Oregon. I read her the riot act on trying to kill us through careless driving, which she responded to with injured silence. I took advantage of the quiet to think over the events of the evening. Evidently, Roxy was doing the same.

'Joy?'

'What?'

She said nothing for a minute. 'You know, you don't have to go to Czechoslovakia with me.'

'It's the Czech Republic now.'

'Oh.' An owl flirted with the car's high beams, a flash of ghostly white wing catching my peripheral vision before it melted into the darkness. 'Whatever they're calling it now, I appreciate the offer to come with me, but given what Miranda said…'

I swallowed hard and gnawed on my lip, trying to remind myself that I didn't believe in any of the things Miranda said she could do, or see, or manifest. Most were coincidences that would have happened regardless of whether or not she was seeking the advice of some greater being. I was a sensible person. I didn't believe in Bigfoot, or ghosts, or vampires, or even the powers held by white witches.

'… Well, I just want you to know that I won't hold you to your offer. Of keeping me out of trouble after the Book Fair, that is. You can spend your two-week holiday tooling around Europe and seeing Paris like you had originally planned. I'm sure I won't have any trouble getting to the Czech Republic by myself.' She offered me a weak grin. I bared my teeth in what I hoped was a semblance of a smile, and returned to staring out the window at the passing night and trying to rub the goose bumps from my arms.

Roxy's session with Miranda had gone just fine, no surprise to me since everyone liked Roxy. She was petite, had curly black hair and blue eyes that made her look like an elf or pixie or one of those cute little munchkin people. Men generally feel all masculine and protective of her, and erroneously assume she's shy and delicate despite the fact that she has the constitution and willpower of an ox. She was to have it all, the Goddess told her through Miranda. She was to meet her perfect man before the moon rose and set again; she would give her heart and receive one in return; she would fulfill the destiny laid before her feet. I could practically hear the Disney chorus of woodland creatures breaking into song, what with all the sweetness and light that rilled Miranda's living room… until she'd scried my future.

The wind seemed to forespell my doom as it gusted into the room, blowing out half the candles in the circle, and sending the spray of rose petals around us dancing into the far corners of the room. Roxy leaped up to close the French doors as Miranda quickly relit the candles. Once settled, she waved at me to begin reciting my part of the Invocation. I felt a bit like an idiot, but knew there was no way Roxy would let me out of there without giving the Goddess a shot at me.

'Power of earth to move his feet Across the mountains, here to me. Water's power to plumb the depths Of the storm-toss'd briny sea. True love's image, I invoke Powers of air, and red-hot fire; One to burn him with my glance, One to stoke my heart's desire. Seven knots I double-tie Moon and candles light the way, Seven knots for me and love. Entangled heart in heart to stay.'

'So, what do you see?' I asked impatiently a few minutes later as Miranda stared sightlessly into a bowl of water. 'Do you see Mr. Right? Is he cute? Does he look like he's really loaded in the groinal region?'