It
And then she heard a scrape above her. A very distinct, long scrape, as if someone was up there and had come to rescue her.
She listened again. Trying to tune out the hissing roar of her breathing and the drumbeat thump of her heart. She listened for what must have been a full two minutes, her ears popping like they did sometimes on an aeroplane, although then it was altitude pressure and now it was fear.
All she could hear was the steady creaking of the cable and the occasional cracking, rending sound of metal tearing.
10
Clutching the cordless handset and feeling a terrible swirl of darkness deep inside her, Lorraine threw herself out of the deck-chair. She ran across the decking, almost tripping over Alfie, and in through the patio doors, her feet sinking deep into the soft pile of the white carpet, her boobs and her gold ankle chain flapping.
‘That’s where he is,’ she said into the phone to her sister, her voice a trembling whisper. ‘That’s where Ronnie is right now.’
She grabbed the remote and hit the button. BBC One came on. She saw, through a jerky, hand-held camera, the instantly recognizable image of the tall silver twin towers of the World Trade Center. Thick black smoke belched from the top section of one tower, almost obliterating it, the black and white mast standing erect above it, rising into the cloudless cobalt sky.
Oh, Christ. Oh, Christ. Ronnie is there. Which tower is his meeting in? Which floor?
She barely heard the agitated voice of an American newscaster saying, ‘This is not a light aircraft, this was a large plane. Oh, God! Oh, my God!’
‘I’ll call you back, Mo,’ she said. ‘I’ll call you right back.’ She stabbed out Ronnie’s mobile phone number. Seconds later she got the busy tone. She tried again. Then again. And again.
Oh, God, Ronnie, please be OK. Please, my darling, please be OK.
She heard the wail of sirens on the TV. Saw people staring upwards. Everywhere, scores of people, men and women in smart clothes and in work clothes, all standing still, frozen in a bizarre tableau, some with their hand in front of their faces, some holding cameras. Then the Twin Towers again. One belching that black smoke, soiling that beautiful blue of the sky.
A shiver ripped through her. She stood still.
Sirens getting louder.
Almost nobody moving. Just a few people now sprinting towards the building. She saw a fire truck with a long ladder, heard sirens howling, whupping, grinding the air.
She tried Ronnie’s number again. The busy signal. Again. The busy signal. Always the busy signal.
She called her sister back. ‘I can’t reach him,’ she said, crying.
‘He’ll be OK, Lori. Ronnie’s a survivor, he’ll be OK.’
‘How – how could this happen?’ Lorraine asked. ‘How could a plane do this? I mean-’
‘I’m sure he’s OK. This is horrible, unbelievable. It’s like one of those – you know – those disasters – like a disaster movie.’
‘I’m going to hang up. He might be trying to get through. I’ll try him again.’
‘Call me when you get through to him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Promise?’
‘Yes.’
‘He’s OK, sweetie, I promise you.’
Lorraine hung up again, transfixed by the images on the television screen. She started punching out Ronnie’s number again. But she only got halfway.
11
‘Am I the love of your life?’ she asked him. ‘Am I, Grace? Am I?’
‘You are.’
Grinning. ‘You’re not lying to me, are you, Grace?’
They’d had a boozy lunch at La Coupole in St Germain, then ambled along the Seine on that glorious June afternoon before returning to their hotel.
It seemed that the weather was always fine when they were together. Like it was now. Sandy stood over him, in their pretty bedroom, blocking the sunlight that was streaming in through the shuttered windows. Her blonde tresses swung down on either side of her freckled face, brushing his cheeks. Then she flicked her hair across his face, as if dusting it.
‘Hey! I have to read – this CPS report – I-’
‘You’re so boring, Grace. You always have to read! We’re in Paris! Having a romantic weekend! Don’t you fancy me any more?’ She kissed his forehead. ‘Read, read, read! Work, work, work!’ She kissed his forehead again. ‘So boring, boring, boring!’
She danced back, away from his outstretched arms, taunting him. She was wearing a skimpy sundress, her breasts almost falling out of the top. He caught a glimpse of her long, tanned legs as the hem rode up her thighs and suddenly he felt very horny.
She stood over him, moving closer, taking him in her hand. ‘Is that all for me, Grace? I love it! That’s what I call a real
The brilliance of sunlight was suddenly making her face difficult to see. Then all her features were gone completely and he was staring at a blank, black oval that was framed with flowing gold hair, like a moon eclipse of the sun. He felt a stab of panic, unable for a split second even to recall what she looked like.
Then he could see her clearly again.
He grinned. ‘I love you more than anything in-’
Then it felt as if the sun had gone behind a cloud. The temperature dropped. The colour faded from her face, as if she was sick, dying.
He threw his arms around her neck, holding her tightly to him. ‘Sandy!’ he said urgently. ‘Sandy, darling!’
She smelled strange. Her skin was hard, suddenly, not Sandy’s soft skin. She smelled rancid. Of decay and soil and bitter oranges.
Then the light went completely, as if someone had pulled out a plug.
Roy heard the echo of his voice in cold, empty air.
‘Sandy!’ he shouted, but the sound stayed trapped in his throat.
Then the light came back on. The stark light of the postmortem room. He stared into her eyes again. And screamed.
He was staring into the eyes of a skull. Holding a skeleton in his arms. A skull with perfect teeth that was grinning at him.
‘SANDY!’ he screamed. ‘SANDY!’
Then the light changed. Soft yellow. A bedspring creaked. He heard a voice.
‘Roy?’
Cleo’s voice.
‘Roy? You awake?’
He stared at the ceiling, confused, blinking, in a river of sweat.
‘Roy?’
He was shaking. ‘I – I-’
‘You were shouting so loudly.’
‘Sorry. I’m sorry.’
Cleo sat up, her long blonde hair tumbling all around her face, which was pale with sleep and shock. Leaning on one arm, she looked at him with a strange expression, as if he had hurt her. He knew what she was going to say even before she spoke again.
‘Sandy.’ Her voice full of reproach. ‘Again.’
He stared up at her. The same hair colouring as Sandy, the same eye colour – perhaps a touch more grey in the blue than Sandy. A touch more steel. He’d read that people who were bereaved or divorced often fell in love with someone who looked like their wife. That thought had never struck him until now. But they didn’t look the same, not at all. Sandy was pretty but softer, not classically beautiful in the way that Cleo was.
He stared at the white ceiling and white walls of Cleo’s bedroom. Stared at the black lacquered-wood dressing table that was badly cracked. She didn’t like coming to his house, because she felt too much of Sandy’s presence there, preferring them to spend their time together here, in her place.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘Just a bad dream. A nightmare.’
She stroked his cheek tenderly. ‘Maybe you should go back to that shrink you used to see.’
He just nodded, and eventually fell back into an uneasy, restless sleep, scared that he might dream again.
12
The spasms were getting worse – more and more painful, and they were happening at increasingly frequent intervals. Every few minutes now. Maybe this was what giving birth was like.
