The Tao Of Programming

Why are programmers non-productive? Because their time is wasted in meetings.

Why are programmers rebellious? Because the management interferes to much.

Why are the programmers resigning one by one? Because they are burnt out.

Having worked for poor management, they no longer value their jobs.

6.3

A manager was about to be fired, but a programmer who worked for him invented a new program that became popular and sold well. As a result, the manager retained his job.

The manager tries to give the programmer a bonus, but the programmer refused it, saying, 'I wrote the program because I thought it was an interesting concept, and thus I expect no reward.'

The manager upon hearing this remarked, 'This programmer, though he holds a position of small esteem, understands well the proper duty of an employee. Lets promote him to the exalted position of management consultant!'

But when told this, the programmer once more refused, saying, 'I exist so that I can program. If I were promoted, I would do nothing but waste everyone’s time. Can I go now? I have a program that I’m working on.'

6.4

A manager went to his programmers and told them: 'As regards to your work hours: you are going to have to come in at nine in the morning and leave at five in the afternoon.' At this, all of them became angry and several resigned on the spot.'

So the manager said: 'All right, in that case you may set your own working hours, as long as you finish your projects on schedule.' The programmers, now satisfied, began to come in at noon and work to the wee hours of the morning.

Book Seven. Corporate Wisdom

'You can demonstrate a program for a corporate executive, but you can’t make him computer literate.'

Thus spake the master programmer

7.1

A novice asked the master: 'In the east there is a great tree- structure that men call Corporate Headquarters. It is bloated out of shape with vice presidents and accountants. It issues a multitude of memos, each saying Go, Hence! or Go, Hither! and nobody knows what is meant. Every year new names are put onto the branches, but all to no avail. How can such an unnatural entity exist?'

The master replies: 'You perceive this immense structure and are disturbed that it has no rational purpose. Can you not take amusement from its endless gyrations? Do you not enjoy the untroubled ease of programming beneath its sheltering branches? Why are you bothered by its uselessness?'

7.2

In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish. It changes into a bird whose wings are like clouds filling the sky. When this bird moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters. This message it drops into the midst of the programmers, like a seagull making its mark upon the beach. Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with the blue sky at its back, returns home.

The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he understands it not. The average programmer dreads the coming of the bird, for he fears its message. The master programmer continues to work at his terminal, for he does not know that the bird has come and gone.

7.3

The Magician of the Ivory Tower brought his latest invention for the master programmer to examine. The magician wheeled a large black box into the master’s office while the master waited in silence.

'This is an integrated, distributed, general-purpose workstation,' began the magician, 'ergonomically designed with a proprietary operating system, sixth generation languages, and multiple state of the art user interfaces. It took my assistants several hundred man