better to stay up and go to bed later.
Only, when Dad had made a real killing at the track he always got lit and when he got lit he always tried to send her off to bed just when everything was going swell and because other people in the crowd were always trying to get her to take some, Molly never cared for liquor. Once, in a hotel where they were stopping, there was a girl got terribly drunk and began to take her clothes off and they had to put her to bed in the room next to Molly’s. There were a lot of men going in and coming out all night and the next day the cops came and arrested the girl, and Molly heard people talking about it and somebody said later that they let the girl go but she had to go to the hospital because she had been hurt inside someway. Molly couldn’t bear the thought of getting drunk after that because anything might happen to you and you shouldn’t let anything happen to you with a man unless you were in love with him. That was what everybody said and people who made love but weren’t really in love were called tramps. Molly knew several ladies who were tramps and she asked Dad one time why they were tramps and that’s what he said: that they’d let anybody hug and kiss them either for presents or money. You shouldn’t do that unless the guy was a swell guy and not likely to cross you up or take a powder on you if you were going to have a baby. Dad said you should never let anybody make love to you if you couldn’t use his toothbrush, too. He said that was a safe rule and if you followed that you couldn’t go wrong.
Molly could use Dad’s toothbrush and often did, because one of their brushes was always getting left behind in the hotel or sometimes Dad needed one to clean his white shoes with.
Molly used to wake up before Dad and sometimes she would run in and hop into his bed and then he would grunt and make funny snorey noises-only they sounded all funny and horrible-and then he would make believe he thought there was a woodchuck in the bed and he would blame the hotel people for letting woodchucks run around in their joint and then he would find out it was Molly and no woodchuck and he would kiss her and tell her to hurry up and get dressed and then go down and get him a racing form at the cigar stand.
One morning Molly ran in and there was a lady in bed with Dad. She was a very pretty lady and she had no nightie on and neither did Dad. Molly knew what had happened: Dad had been lit the night before and had forgotten to put on his pajamas and the girl had been lit and he had brought her up to their rooms to sleep on account of she was too tight to go home and he had intended to have her sleep with Molly but they had just fallen asleep first. Molly lifted the sheet up real, real careful and then she found out how she would look when she got big.
Then Molly got dressed and went down and got the racing form on the cuff and came back and they were still asleep, only the lady had snuggled in closer to Dad. Molly stood quiet in a corner a long time and kept still, hoping they would wake up and find her and she would run at them and go “Woo!” and scare them. Only the lady made a low noise like a moan and Daddy opened one eye and then put his arms around her. She opened her eyes and said, “Hello, sugar,” all slow and sleepy, and then Dad started kissing her and she woke up after a while and started to kiss back. Finally Dad got on top of the lady and began to bounce up and down in the bed and Molly thought that was so funny that she burst out laughing and the lady screamed and said, “Get that kid out of here.”
Dad was wonderful. He looked over his shoulder in one of his funny ways and said, “Molly, how would you like to sit in the lobby for about half an hour and pick me a couple of winners out of that racing form? I have to give Queenie here her exercise. You don’t want to startle her and make her sprain a tendon.” Dad kept still until Molly had gone but when she was outside the door she could hear the bed moving and she wondered if this lady could use Dad’s toothbrush and she hoped she wouldn’t because Molly wouldn’t want to use it afterwards. It would make her sick to use it.
When Molly was fifteen one of the exercise boys at the stable asked her to come up in the hay loft and she went and he grabbed her and started kissing her and she didn’t like him enough to kiss him and besides it was all of a sudden and she started wrestling with him and then she called, “Dad! Dad!” because the boy was touching her and Dad came bouncing up into the loft and he hit the boy so hard he fell down on the hay as if he was dead, only he wasn’t. Dad put his arm around Molly and said, “You all right, baby?” And Dad kissed her and held her close to him for a minute and then he said, “You got to watch yourself, kidlet. This world’s full of wolves. This punk won’t bother you no more. Only watch yourself.” And Molly smiled and said:
“I couldn’t have used his toothbrush anyhow.” Then Dad grinned and rapped her easy under the chin with his fist. Molly wasn’t scared any more only she never strayed very far from Dad or from other girls. It was awful that had to happen because she could never feel right around the stables any more, and couldn’t talk to the exercise boys and the jockeys any more in the old way and even when she did they were always looking at her breasts and that made her feel all weak and scarey inside somehow even when they were polite enough.
She was glad she was beginning to have breasts, though, and she got used to boys looking at them. She used to pull the neck of her nightie down and make like the ladies in evening dresses and once Dad bought her an evening dress. It was beautiful and one way you looked at it it was light rose and the other way it was gold and it came down off the shoulders and was cut low and it was wonderful. Only that was the year Centerboard ran out of the money and Dad had the bankroll on him to show and they had to sell everything they had to get a grubstake. That was when they went back to Louisville. That was the last year.
Dad got a job with an old friend who ran a gambling place down by the river, and Dad was his manager and wore a tuxedo all the time.
Things were going fine after a while and as soon as Dad squared up some of his tabs he registered Molly at a dancing school and she started to learn acrobatic and tap. She had a wonderful time, showing him the steps as she learned them. Dad could dance a lot of softshoe himself and he never had a lesson. He said he just had Irish feet. Also he wanted her to take music lessons and sing, only she never could sing-she took after Mother that way. When the school gave a recital Molly did a Hawaiian number with a real hula skirt somebody had sent Dad from Honolulu and her hair falling over her shoulders like a black cloud and flowers in her hair and dark makeup and everybody applauded and some of the boys whistled and that made Dad mad because he thought they were getting fresh but Molly loved it because Dad was out there and as long as he was there she didn’t care what happened.
She was sixteen and all grown up when things went to smash. Some fellows from Chicago had come down and there was trouble at the place where Dad worked. Molly never did find out what it was, only a couple of big men came to the house one night about two o’clock and Molly knew they were cops and she went all weak, thinking Dad had done something and they wanted him but he had always told her that the way to deal with cops was to smile at them, act dumb, and give them an Irish name.
One said, “You Denny Cahill’s daughter?” Molly said yes. He said, “I got some mighty tough news for you, kid. It’s about your dad.” That was when Molly felt her feet slip on glass, like the world had suddenly tilted and it was slippery glass and she was falling off it into the dark and would fall and fall forever because there was no end to the place where she was falling.
She just stood there and she said, “Tell me.”
The cop said, “Your dad’s been hurt, girlie. He’s hurt real bad.” He wasn’t like a shamus now; he was more like the sort of man who might have a daughter himself. She went up close to him because she was afraid of falling.
She said, “Is Dad dead?” and he nodded and put his arm around her and she didn’t remember anything more for a while, only she was in the hospital when she came to and somehow she was all groggy and sleepy and she thought she had been hurt and kept asking for Dad and a cross nurse said she had better keep quiet and then she remembered and Dad was dead and she started to scream and it was like laughing, only it felt horrible and she couldn’t stop and then they came and stuck her arm with a hype gun and she went out again and it was that way for a couple of times and finally she could stop crying and they told her she would have to get out because other people needed the bed.
Molly’s grandfather, “Judge” Kincaid, said she could live with him and her aunt if she would take a business course and get a job in a year and Molly tried but she couldn’t ever get it into her head somehow, although she could remember past performances of horses swell. The Judge had a funny way of looking at her and several times he seemed about to get friendly and then he would chill up. Molly tried being nice to him and calling him Granddad but he didn’t like that and once, just to see what would happen, she ran up to him when he came in and threw her arms around his neck. He got terribly mad that time and told her aunt to get her out of the house, he wouldn’t stand having her around.
It was terrible without Dad to tell her things and talk to and Molly wished she had died along with Dad. Finally
