Secret Society

when I met her I thought she was a girl. It was ninth grade. We had a class together. She was dressed so fly. I admired her. I was still playing a straight role to a certain extent. I dressed like a regular guy. I acted like a regular guy. But I wasn’t a regular guy on the inside and Tina could sense that. When she told me she was a dude, I flipped out. I didn’t believe her. It came down to her showing me her dick. It wasn’t on some gay shit either, because I was not at all attracted to her. She was too pretty and looked too much like a girl. I wanted to do the same thing she was doing. I wanted to live my life as a girl. I figured it would be much easier on me messing with guys as a girl than as a guy. But now I didn’t know what to think. I felt fucked up.

I got drunk as shit off of apple martinis. Tina dropped me off home at about eleven o’clock. I went right to sleep.

Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong. I jumped up out of my sleep. The clock said twelve-fifteen. I was fucked up. I managed to get out of bed and go see who was at my door. I could see through the peephole that it was Tariq. He was dressed casual in a leather jacket, a baseball cap, a white T-shirt, and some baggy jeans. Then I remembered he took off from work to spend the day with me. I didn’t open the door. I ran into the bathroom and tried to get myself together. I couldn’t let him see me like that. I was a mess. He kept ringing my bell. Then he started ringing my phone. I answered.

“Hello,” I said, sounding sleepy.

“Wake up, sleepyhead, I’m outside your house,” he said.

“Oh, shit, Tariq, I forgot all about our plans,” I confessed.

“Well, now that your memory is refreshed, can you come open the door?”

“Yeah, hold up a second.”

I put myself together somewhat and let Tariq in.

“Who did you go out with last night?”

“Tina got me drunk as shit.” I switched the blame.

“I see,” he said.

“Give me a minute to do something with myself and we can go out,” I said.

“Just get in the shower,” he said. “We can chill here, watch movies, and order in,” he suggested.

That was a bet. I turned on the faucet so I could take a long bath. But I made sure to lock my bathroom door. Good thing too, because Tariq did try to come in. I did all of the important things in the bathroom, like tape up my thing and put on my bra and panties. I slipped into some J Lo sweats and some slippers. I brushed my hair back into a ponytail and bobby-pinned the weave onto it. I put on a little makeup and joined Tariq in the family room.

Tariq had already made himself comfortable. He had taken his jacket and shoes off and was surfing through the channels. I felt a lot better after that bath. I just needed to get some food. We ordered Chinese and pigged out for the day. It was relaxing.

When Tariq left at seven o’clock I began to feel bad all over again. I started feeling bad for James. Tariq and O too-I just kept thinking what would happen if they found out. I never used to worry about this, but since James found out, I realized that it was possible. As usual, I called Tina.

“Tina, what you doin’?”

“You mean who I’m doin’,” she joked.

“No, I meant what like I said,” I joked back.

“I’m working out,” she said.

“How did we get into this, Tina?”

Tina knew what I was getting at. “Why are you still trippin’ over dude?”

“I don’t know. I’m nervous that they might all find out. And what if James come back to Philly trippin’ out on me?” I worried.

“James isn’t the type. Plus he got a rep to think about too. You think he want people to find out that he fucked a man? He won’t say or do shit, trust. You just need to replace him and move on,” Tina demanded.

She had a point. James was probably busy trying to get this whole thing out of his head.

“You’re right,” I said.

“Matter of fact, we’re going to Delaware tonight,” Tina said.

“For what?”

“It’s the Kickoff tonight, the first party of the year. We haven’t missed it in two years, so let’s not start now. Plus, I’m sure we’ll see some new faces. Some fine-ass ones that will get your mind off James.”

“All right,” I agreed. “I need to get back in the swing of things, anyway.”

I had on a short blue Dior skirt with the matching signature Dior leg warmers, a white fitted blouse, and my blue mink. I looked fly. Tina rocked her waist-length black mink with a short black cutout dress. She had on stiletto pumps and nude stockings. She looked tight too. When we walked in the club, everybody stopped and stared, including O, who hadn’t even called me to tell me he was back in town.

“The last I checked you was in Baltimore handling business,” I said with sass.

“And wasn’t you in Vegas?” he asked.

“You knew I was only staying in Vegas for a couple of days, but I had no idea when you were supposed to come back. I relied on a phone call.”

“My bad, baby,” O said as he grabbed my waist.

O didn’t seem like himself. I could tell he was high, but it was something else about him that didn’t sit right with me. He kissed me on my cheek and then let go of my waist. He told me to go to the bar and order Tina and me a drink on him, then he disappeared in the crowd.

“A Smirnoff Ice with raspberry, please, and a apple martini,” I yelled to the bartender.

I took a seat on the stool next to Tina.

“I can’t believe that nigga didn’t call me when he got back,” I told Tina.

“Don’t sweat it, he look damn good,” Tina said.

O did look good that night. He had on jeans, a white T, his camel-colored mink, and some fresh tan Tims. Then he topped it off with yellow diamonds that sat in his gold chain and earrings and a gold-face Jacob on his wrist. He was definitely a stunner.

I took a sip of the Smirnoff and chilled. I couldn’t work my magic on nobody because O was there. Tina started talking to some suave-ass dude with some leather pants on. I ordered a second Smirnoff and started feeling a little buzz. I was sitting at the bar, feeling the music and just chillin’, when something caught my eye.

O was taking pictures with some broad on his lap. And this girl was kissing all on his neck. He was just smiling and being real disrespectful. I tapped Tina on her shoulder.

“This nigga is tryna play me,” I said with an attitude.

Tina looked in the direction of my eyes and saw O acting a fool. She snapped as if he was her man instead of mine.

“Oh, hell, no, go over there and check that nigga and that bitch!”

“He knows I’m the fuck here. Why would he do some stupid shit like that?”

Tina hopped off the stool and grabbed my hand. “Come on. This nigga playin’ his self,” she said as she led me through the crowd.

“What the fuck is the deal?” Tina snapped at O.

O had a confused look on his face. I guess he was wondering why Tina came at him like she did when he wasn’t her man.

I stepped in. “O, can I holla at you for a minute?”

O got up from the chair and moved the girl to the side.

“What’s wrong, baby?” the girl asked.

“Nothin’, just give me a minute,” O responded.

I was pissed off.

“What’s up?” O asked as he walked toward me.

He put his arm around my waist and slowly walked me a few steps away from the girl and Tina. I had a blank look on my face and was speechless at first. I was about to flip out on that nigga, but I told myself to be easy.

“O, please don’t act like you wasn’t just disrespectin’ me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the jealous type, but damn, all that was unnecessary. You can do whatever you want on your own time, but when I’m in your presence,