Earth Unaware

who had seemingly been stunned to silence at Helen’s temerity. Someone breathed, in awe, “…the power…”

2

“COME ON,” Ed urged through his teeth. “First thing you know, these kooks will want to lynch you.” He hustled her up the aisle, trying to make with an air of sincere apology while at the same time projecting an it’s-all- in-fun attitude. He doubted if it was going over. Helen was giggling softly. He could have strangled her.

The girl was a caution. Her devil-may-care attitude was too much for him. He began to wonder how far out the limb of ambition a man should climb, in the way of making a good business marriage.

Just before the entrance, he shot a quick look back over his shoulder. The audience still sat as though stricken. Up on the rostrum, old Tubber seemed to be regaining his composure. Somehow he had shrunken to his original proportions. Once again his appearance was that of a gentle Lincoln, his face in the sadness of ultimate compassion.

Outside, Helen shook her arm free. “Let go,” she giggled. “I really got him boiling, didn’t I?”

“You got him boiling, all right. Come on, let’s get out of here before he changes his mind and decides to sic the faithful after us.” But even as he said it, he doubted there was physical danger in the old man and his handful of followers.

The girl who had introduced herself as Nefertiti Tubber came hurrying up from the direction of the smaller tent.

“What… I heard Father…”

Helen said, “Simmer down, dahling. Nothing happened.”

Ed Wonder said, “You ought to look out for the old boy. He’s apt to blow a gasket one of these days.” He ran his eyes up and down the girl appreciatively.

She had pulled to a halt. “I… heard his voice raised in wrath.”

Helen yawned. “Your language is almost as fruity as his is, dahling. He got a little sore, that’s all.”

“But, Miss Fontaine, Father should never lose his temper. He is the Speaker of the Word.”

Helen scowled at her. “How did you know my name?”

Nefertiti began to say something, tightened her mouth momentarily, while her neck went pinkish.

“Oh, Mother” Helen laughed. “The girl can blush. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone blush for years.”

Ed said, “Come to think of it, how did you know Helen’s name?”

The girl said, lowly, “I… I’ve seen your picture in the papers, Miss Fontaine.”

They looked at her. Helen laughed again. “So, while Poppa sounds off against fashions and cosmetics, daughter reads the Sunday society page and yearns.”

The pink evolved to rose. “Oh… oh no…”

“Oh yes, Goody Two Shoes. I’ll bet a pretty.” Helen turned to Ed Wonder. “Come on, Little Ed. Let’s go.” She started toward the car.

Ed looked at the girl before following. He said, “Sorry about getting the old boy roused up. He was doing pretty good in there. At least he’s sincere. I meet a lot of phonies in my line.”

He got the feeling that she wasn’t particularly used to talking to men. At least when she was alone with one. Her glance went down to the ground and she said, “I suppose you do, Edward Wonder.” She turned quickly and went into the tent.

Ed looked after her. What the devil, she had known his name too. Well, he squared his shoulders in a preen, that wasn’t as strange as knowing Helen’s. His program was evidently taking on to the point where he was recognized. Confound it, if he could only get the show on TV, he’d have it made. He hurried after Helen.

Back in the car, and over the road, they reversed roles. Now that whatever physical danger might have been involved was behind them, Ed Wonder could find humor in the situation, but Helen was sobering by the minute and on the morose side.

She said finally, “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What, the madcap socialite, Helen Beauregard Fontaine, regretting?”

She tried to chuckle. “Actually, he’s a beautiful old man. Did you dig that air of sincerity?”

Ed reversed himself on what he had said to Nefertiti. “That’s the stock in trade of religious kooks. You should see some of the characters I’ve had on the program. There was this one who claimed he had spotted a flying saucer landing. He went over to it and was taken aboard and off for a ride to Jupiter. On Jupiter—evidently, he could breath the air and the gravity was exactly the same as here on earth—they taught him the local religion and told him to return to Earth and spread the message. They said that several times before they had come to earth and trained a man to propagate the message, but each time it had become garbled. Moses, Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha were among those who loused-up the true religion revealed to them by the Jupiterians.”

Helen said, “Jet it up, will you? I feel awful How could you keep from laughing in this character’s face?”

Ed put a bit more pressure on the thrust pedal. “That’s what I mean. To listen to the guy, you’d think he was giving you a real square shake. Sincerity just dribbled from him. After that program, hundreds of letters came in wanting to know more about this revealed religion of his. He had mentioned that he was writing a book. The New Bible he called it. At least fifty orders came in, most of them with money enclosed. I tell you, when it come to religion, people believe anything. The more offbeat it is, the more faith they have. Whatever that is.”

“Little Ed Wonder, I’ll have to get Daddy to have Mulligan switch you back to morning soap operas. That far out program of yours is making a cynic of you.”

“That’s all I need. It took me years to get a program of my own.”

Her tone changed. “Besides, you shouldn’t talk that way about faith. There’s certainly nothing wrong with real faith.”

He took her in from the side of his eyes. “What’s real faith?”

“Oh, don’t be such a sharpy. You know what I mean. Real religion. Where are we going? Let’s stop for coffee. I guess that argument with old whiskers upset me.”

“I thought we’d go to the Old Coffee House; they’ve got a real waiter there. I like a real waiter. Sort of cozy.”

The fact was, he had credit with Dave Zeiss, at the Old Coffee House. You can’t swing credit in an automated place. Squiring Helen Fontaine around ran into money. You had to dress up to her, you had to be able, on demand, to take her to such spots as the Swank Room. He was lucky she didn’t object more strongly to his Volkshover. She thought it was some kind of affectation. Her own General Ford Cyclones were auto, of course. Even the sports model. He doubted if Helen could drive, had she been in a situation where she had actually to manipulate the controls.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been there,” she said idly. “What’s wrong with an automated coffee shop?”

“It’s just that I sort of like waiters.”

“Oh, Mother, I feel awful. How far is this place of yours? Why in the world do you continue to hang around in radio, Little Ed? Why don’t you go into business, like everybody else I know? Doesn’t money make any difference to you at all?”

He rolled his eyes upward, in knowledge that the darkness hid his expression. “I don’t know. I like radio. Of course, I’d rather have the program on TV. You sure you couldn’t drop a word to your father?”

“Where is this place?” Her tone was getting on the petulant side. Confound it, she was a spoiled brat.

“Coming up now.” Ed dropped the lift lever and drifted into the Old Coffee House’s parking area. It was far enough out of the city’s center for parking to be above ground. Even as he went through the motions of killing the Volkshover’s life, opening the door for her, and escorting her toward the brilliantly lighted coffee shop, Ed Wonder was muttering inwardly. Why didn’t he go into business … didn’t money make any difference at all? Ha! Why didn’t he raise walruses in goldfish bowls?

“Let’s sit at the counter,” Helen said. “Order for me while I freshen up.” She was off to the ladies’ room.