of the Fergusons of Fort Augustus?' 'Cousins,' Ian answered. 'Distant cousins, but we meet from time to time. They are at the other end of Loch Ness. How do you know them?' 'It's a long story,' she said. 'Tell us while you get dressed,' said Donald.
Ian held up the rug. I saw a quick tantalising glimpse of white limbs and dark hair as she vanished behind her screen of decency. Ian, his arms stretched out, holding the corners of the rug, had a most appreciative look at her. 'I was lost,' she went on. 'It seems to be a habit,' said Rosie. 'I was on holiday and had gone out on my own to do some sketching, it being a fine day. I was so engrossed in getting the right tones for the heather and the bracken, that I didn't notice that a big, black cloud was looming up from the west. It started to rain. The clouds were right down on the moor and I couldn't see where the path was. I got absolutely soaking wet and struggled around looking for the way back. I must have walked in complete circles but eventually I found a ruined stone hut and I crept inside. I was so exhausted that I curled up in a corner and went to sleep. When I woke up, the storm had passed and the sun was shining brightly again. I was so cold and damp in my wet things that I took them off and spread them out on the heather to dry. Some time later I heard voices and saw two men striding across the moor. I didn't have time to gather up my things so I slipped back inside and hoped that they would pass by.' 'But they had spotted you?' I said.
'They spotted my clothes. I heard them come over and talk among themselves. They were obviously puzzled to find a complete set of women's clothes. “Not a local lassie,” I heard one say. “This dress is of a style all the rage in London. My cousin Catherine was wearing such a thing when she came home last.” I was getting more and more anxious. “I wonder where the puir wee thing is,” said one. 'Well, of course, you can guess what happened next. They decided to have a look in the bothy as they called it. I was crouched in the corner, trying to protect my modesty with nothing but a sketch book. I was terrified but they were most gallant. They suggested that they should bring my clothes in while they waited outside, but the bothy was so dirty that in the end it was decided that they would wait inside while I went out, collected my things and got dressed. 'Of course I discovered later that they had not been able to resist the temptation to have a peek at me, but they were thoroughly gentlemanly. They escorted me back to the hotel I was staying in with my family and later called on me, offering to show me the sights, including the Loch, Ness Monster. We went out in a little boat and there the inevitable happened.' 'You saw the monster,' I said. 'Not that monster,' she said. 'We became very friendly and nearly overturned the boat. It was the beginning of a memorable two weeks. I developed a great taste for the Scottish way of life and particularly for fucking in the open.' I remembered that Deirdre from Ireland was supposed to be with us and that she had challenged me to a ride in the Park. These two would have something in common. 'But, if I may ask a personal question, is it not somewhat prickly among the heather?' I said. 'Yes,' she said. 'But as I have said, they were both perfect gentlemen. They would lie down and I would lift their kilts and impale myself on them, one after the other.' I realised then the function of the kilt. Were I in that position, I would have to lower my trousers and would be in great danger of suffering from a badly scratched bum if I was being ridden by an energetic partner. From what I had seen earlier in the carriage, and from Deirdre's descriptions, both were quite abandoned in their fucking. Yet I felt a familiar stirring as Mr. Pego declared his interest. 'We still don't know your name,' said Becky.
'Perdita,' she said from behind her screen. 'Well, Perdita,' said Ian. 'I hope I can speak for the whole party when I say that we are delighted to meet you. I suggest that you stay with us in Blisworth for the night until we can get word to your friends in Glasgow and it can be decided when you should continue your journey north.' 'I think I should enjoy that very much,' she answered.
'But there are more in your party?' 'In the next compartment,' I answered. 'Unless they have made the same mistake as you, but in reverse, in which case they are speeding through Cheshire at this very moment.' 'I need a helping hand,' said Perdita. 'There are buttons at the back that I cannot easily reach.' 'I'll do it,' said Rosie, and ducked quickly under the rug. There was the sound of giggling. 'What lovely clear skin you have,' said Rosie. I noticed that Ian, still holding up the modesty screen, was becoming noticeably agitated since he alone had any inkling of what was going on. 'Shut your eyes!' came Rosie's voice. 'Oh no, let him be,' said Perdita. 'He has after all seen all this before.' 'I do hope it will take simply ages for your friends in Scotland to make arrangements for your journey up there,' said Rosie. 'Then you will have to stay with us. You have such blue, blue eyes and black hair and white skin. You are simply lovely, Perdita.' One of Rosie's good points, annoying though she could be at times, was that she was so open and honest in her appreciation of other women's attributes.
'I would love to photograph you,' she went on. 'But Hannah is better equipped to do justice to you. She paints and draws most beautifully. But then she is a trained artist. But you paint as well, do you not?' 'I am only a very amateur watercolourist,' replied Perdita. 'And of landscapes only. We were taught at school. The ability to turn out a pretty pastel view was regarded as a proper accomplishment for a young lady. Of course we were never allowed to try our hands at-painting the likeness of the human body.' 'You must try,' said Rosie enthusiastically. 'Hannah can draw you and you can draw Hannah. You are both dark-haired but, that apart, you have very different complexions. You will make a wonderful contrast.'
'Hurry up!' said Becky. 'We are about to arrive at our destination.' 'And stop teasing Ian,' said Donald. 'We all saw that.' What we had all seen was a bulge in the rug where what was obviously a hand had reached out and grabbed another bulge which had appeared in Ian's trousers, engrossed as he was in his vigil over Perdita and her assistant dresser, Rosie. Poor Ian, his hands fully occupied with holding up the rug, could neither defend himself nor take avoiding action. A second bulge reached out like a glove puppet.
'Stop it, Rosie!' I said. 'Not me,' said Rosie, waving both her hands in the air as though in greeting to a waiting crowd.
'Sorry,' said Perdita. 'I couldn't help it. It was so tempting.'
'The best way to deal with a temptation,' said Monty the pretend cleric, 'Is to yield to it. Not my own aphorism,' he went on, 'but that of a close friend at university.' The train drew to a halt.
'Now,' I said. 'We must be more organised this time. At least we have plenty of time since this is the terminus. Ian and Donald, will you get hold of a couple of porters. Perdita, we must make sure that your luggage is not by some lucky chance on the train. You'd better go with them. Mr. Willowherb-' 'Please,' he said, 'Monty-'
'Monty, I assume you'll take responsibility for George the mongoose?' 'For both Georges,' he replied. 'The other George can be remarkably vague at times. But then he comes from a vague family. I only met him because he was sent off to the wrong university.' 'I don't understand,' I said. 'He should have been at Trinity, Cambridge but he actually turned up at Trinity, Oxford in error and was several weeks into his first term before it was realised that some mistake had been made. By that time, he'd decided he liked it where he was. He did make one attempt to go to Cambridge, but he got on completely the wrong train and ended up somewhere in the vicinity of Birmingham. He was terribly upset and took some weeks to recover. He's very much a hot house plant, you know.' I pulled myself together with a start. Trying to organise this party was quite impossible.
Digressions and irrelevancies, reminiscences and odd allusions followed hard on each others' heels. No one had any sense of discipline. Enticing though Perdita was, her accidental addition to the party was somehow typical of events. Her ability to lose both herself and her clothes could only add to the confusion. 'Andrew, I think you'd better stand here by the pile of luggage,' said Hannah, appearing from the adjoining compartment. At least one uncertainty was cleared up. She had caught the train after all. 'Since you don't know some of the party, Becky and I had better find them all. You are the rendezvous point, so don't move.' 'There go Monty and the mongoose!' I cried out. The animal was moving with a great sense of purpose. Monty was following on the other end of the lead and the pair of them were rapidly disappearing out of the station. 'Don't worry so,' said Becky. 'They'll come back. Meanwhile, where's Charlotte? She must have been in the other compartment. Hannah? Was she with you? And Jack? And-' Chaos reigned. I resigned. I had had enough. Someone else could cope. 'It's called a Sociable Tricycle,' said Donald. 'You sit side by side instead of one in front of the other. That is called a Tandem tricycle. You steer the little wheel at the front, using this tall handle. Either of you can steer.
Or indeed you can steer together with one hand clasped over the other.
It's rather slow and cumbersome but it's a friendly way of travelling.
'This is called the Invincible tandem tricycle. The person at the back steers. It's faster and easier to control. This is a Tandem bicycle. It's hard to balance and because it's so high off the ground, it can be very painful if either of you should lose your balance.'
We were choosing our machines. The owners of the place we were staying in had a considerable collection of both bi-and tricycles of several different designs. Donald turned out to be the expert. Almost all the party had decided to make a mass expedition. Since the degree of experience varied from the expert to the complete novice, it had been decided that our objective would be a largish wood that lay only some four miles from the house. There
