The Grey

We get the pants and the boots on him which seems to hurt him but he manages.  Luttinger looks at him shivering, and gives him the jacket I gave him before I ask him too.  I get my sweater back on.

We get on either side of him and help him walk toward the nearest piece of shell we can get to.  It’s sticking up out the snow like a smoke-stack.  I look for whatever piece I must have come out of and I can make out my tracks, where I think I came from, but whatever I fell out of looks tiny now, a little hunk of metal, couple of seats.  I thought it was a more respectable piece of plane.  We haul for the smoke-stack piece and don’t seem that much closer to it, and we pass more bodies, then more again.  We set Ojeira down to check them, they’re gone.   But I see blankets, get one tied around me, give the other to Luttinger, then a little further I see some bags half-ripped open, clothes spilled out, more sweaters and jackets, we get those on, too.

We move again, haul a long time, we come up on something else.  Some blood, dark in the snow, something else I can’t identify, a piece of uniform wrapped in among it.  It’s half a pilot, or co-pilot, or navigator, one of those guys.  I can’t see anything that looks like a cockpit, he must have fallen out, or been thrown.

We keep going and get to the smoke-stack, and set Ojeira down.  I see now there’s no way into it, that I can see, unless we want to tunnel under it to get in.  Looking at it leaning, I think it’s going to blow down anyway, if the wind gets much bigger, and kill us that way.  I look back along the trail of wreckage, more bodies, more pieces of crap, and I can just make out a bigger piece of plane, as far away again as this one was.  Nothing else looks much use to us.  The cold is drawing the life out of me, and I think Ojeira will die if we don’t keep trying get him into some kind of inside, and this is only a half-stiff wind, so far.  We’ll die too, I think.  I look at Luttinger and Ojeira.

“We should try to get to that piece.”  Ojeira looks at the distance, looks like he’d rather die right here.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”  Ojeira says.  I just look at them, Luttinger nods, starts hoisting Ojeira.

“Come on,” Luttinger says.

We get Ojeira up and start dogging through the snow for the next piece.  We get up closer and I see it’s another big piece of broken tube, but this one’s lying flat in the snow, more or less.  Beyond that, pretty far, there’s another bump in the snow, looks like a piece of smashed cockpit, black holes for windshields, half-buried.  We make for the closer piece.  It’s a long slog, with Ojeira hobbling and bumping us, but he’s trying so hard to walk right I don’t say anything.  We don’t talk much, we’re out of breath.  We’re head-smacked anyway, all we know to do is slog on, in our lesser-mammal way.  Invertebrate, maybe.

 We come around the blind side of the piece of tube.  There’s a big hole, and junk, pieces and parts, more bodies all around.  I see Tlingit, sitting in the snow, Reznikoff with him.  They look wide-eyed, like they’d seen things they wished they hadn’t, and then been beaten half-to-death.  We must look the same, I think.  Tlinglit looks at me.  I’m happy to see him.

“You OK?”  Tlingit asks.  I nod.  I can hear yelling from inside the tube.  Tlingit nods to the hole in the fuselage.  “More in there,” he says.

  We step closer and see inside.  It’s chaos, field-hospital, everybody groaning, gasping, swearing, yelling all at once, upside down, tilted, seats on the ceiling, wires, seatbelts, pieces of carpet, life-vests, torn stuff hanging down, broken seat bins, oxygen masks and tubes tangled underfoot, another boot with a leg sticking out of it, and blood, I think, everywhere, looks like.  Near the opening I see Feeny, missing a hand, blanket around the stump, he’s holding it up like if he had a hand he’d be giving you the finger, Cismoski, next to him, leg gone, below the knee, somebody's tied it off for him but he’s gasping, grunting, holding his thigh.

We get Ojeira propped against a piece of seat.  I see Bengt further inside, staring up the aisle at Lewenden, who has his guts ripped open, he and Knox are holding little flashlights on him, yelling.  Lewenden’s head is tilted too, it looks wrong on his neck somehow, as if the hole in his middle wasn’t enough to worry about.  I think about Tlingit saying he needed a neck-snapping.

As Knox’s flashlight moves I see Henrick’s there, kneeling over Lewenden, stuffing a blanket into his insides, but blood’s still welling out.  Henrick can’t stop it, and Knox is yelling for somebody to do something, and they’re yelling at each other and Bengt’s yelling at both of them to stop Lewenden bleeding or he’s dead.  I go up, look at Lewenden.  Lewenden sees me, doesn’t look happy.  He lays his head back, closes his eyes, groaning, somewhere low.  He’s out, I think.

Bengt suddenly realizes something, starts patting his pockets.  He takes his light off Knox, starts looking around the junk thrown everywhere.  He finally finds somebody’s cell phone, starts trying to get a signal.  Ojeira looks over at Bengt.

“What the fuck is that for?  Out here?”  Bengt looks at Ojeira, keeps trying to dial.  The thing is dead, too far from anything, too cold, smacked too hard, but Bengt keeps pressing buttons and looking at it, like he’s going to get an ambulance to come, and they might want directions.

I’m still looking at Lewenden.  He’s around again, but shaking.  He’s going to die in a few minutes, I think.  Nobody knows what to do.  It’s cold like you wouldn’t believe, and we’re among dead, and dying.   Nobody’s thinking well.

Henrick keeps trying to pad the hole, in trying to stuff the wound he moves something and something gives, somewhere, uncovers something and now there’s blood flooding up like crazy, faster than before, I don’t know if it’s artery or what it is but it’s rolling up out of the cavity and as I step in closer Henrick moves the blanket and it starts gushing and we try to block that but it’s still spraying over everybody, everybody jumps back except Henrick and I, with our hands in Lewenden’s insides, Henrick moves the blanket again and it stops, but it’s still flowing out around and through the blanket.

“Fuck,” Lewenden says.  “Fuck— Henrick—“

“Is there something we can use to tie off whatever the fuck that is?”  Henrick yells.  But you can’t see anything to tie off, it’s just shooting out of some hole in something somewhere, so we stuff best we can but we know it’s still leaking, out, from somewhere, just as fast.  He’s fucked in a way that’s smarter than us.

Henrick looks at me, blinking blood out of his eyes, and Lewenden rolls around again, looks at Henrick and me, sees the blood all over us.

“Fucking do something, Henrick!” Lewenden says, halfway to crying, and I don’t blame him, I’d cry for him myself if I wasn’t distracted.  Henrick looks at Lewenden and doesn’t come up with anything to say and Lewenden lays his head back and closes his eyes and it looks like he’s passed out again, or he’s just died, but blood’s still coming and then I hear him groaning and grunting and mumbling something, praying, could be.