sideways, no it’d be because X.
“I was going to tell her.”
“Shoulda, woulda, coulda, it’s all a little too late now,” Sam said.
I nodded knowing he was right. “How do I fix it?”
He snorted. “I have no fucking clue. I’ve got my own problems I can’t work out.”
I turned and nearly ran into Haven. “Uhm, sorry,” I mumbled then headed to my office quickly.
I grabbed my cell that was sitting on my desk and dialed Ash’s number, it went straight to voicemail. So I decided to text her instead.
CRIS: I’M SORRY YOU FOUND OUT THAT WAY I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU.
I waited for half an hour with no response. I let my head drop to my desk; I had really fucked this up.
Chapter 8
Ash
I stormed into the house slamming doors behind me. I wasn’t sure who I was more pissed at—Devi for not telling me or for Cris for the same reason; you'd think that someone would have told me. Then again, it wasn’t exactly Devi's place to tell me that my boyfriend had once fucking asked her to marry him. No, that was all Cris. He should have told me, a long time ago.
I marched into the kitchen and started grabbing things; I needed to do something before I drove back to Pin's Ink and beat the crap out of Crispin. What was that idiot thinking keeping something like that from me? I mean how stupid did he think I was? Then again, he let me look stupid in front of everyone, especially in front of that conniving bitch, Cin. I wanted to punch her in the throat. I wanted to kick Cris's ass. I wanted to fucking scream. Why do men feel the need to do this to me? Did they look at me and think
I went about banging things around the kitchen then focused on doing something, I lost myself in baking. I always went to baking when I was upset. It was safer than finding the person who pissed me off and beating the shit out of them. Instead, I took it out on dough, piecrust, and cookie dough. I don’t know how long I stayed in the kitchen baking, but soon Devi walked in and watched me like I was a caged feral animal.
'So you're baking,' she stated.
'Yep.'
She sighed. 'He should have told you. I didn’t realize he hadn’t told you.'
I jerked my head up and down and continued rolling out dough for cinnamon rolls.
'I'm sorry; I don’t know what to say.'
'Not your fault, you didn’t propose, you didn’t knowingly keep it from me. I've had a lot of time to think, and it’s all on Cris.'
She let out a breath. 'Good, I'm glad you don’t hate me. About Cris—'
'Don’t.'
'But—'
'No, he fucked up.'
She nodded. 'He did.'
'He could have told me anytime over the past nine months, but did he? No never, and it’s not the first time he’s kept shit from me. I am done with it, if he can’t trust me to tell me simple things about his life, how can I trust him with larger issues?'
She nodded again.
'How can I trust him to tie me up and take a flogger to my skin? How can I trust him to fuck me without a condom? When he can’t even look at me and say hey so I once asked Devi to marry me. She obviously said no, and it’s in the past now.'
'Yeah,' she said quietly.
'But no, I didn’t get anything; instead I was humiliated being told something I should have known, by her no less.'
'You really don’t like Cin, do you?'
I shook my head. 'No, but I get it, she’s your cousin.'
'She is.'
'Cin's not even the point of this, it’s Cris. We fought earlier that day about him lying to me, now this? What else will I learn? I don't want a relationship where I learn his secrets, fears, likes, everything by other people.
She nodded. 'I can understand that.'
'So I'm done, finished, no more.'
'Uhm, if that’s what you want. Just a small piece of advice?'
'Sure.'
'Don’t say never. Something may happen to change your mind; I've learned along the way to never say never. Also don't close the door until you at least hear him out, because if you do, it could be something you regret later on.'
She stood up and swiped a Mayan Chocolate Cookie off the counter. 'Oh. My. God, these are amazing,' she groaned after taking a bite. I watched as she made her way around the kitchen trying out the different things I'd made in the past few hours.
'God, we're going to have to have people come over and help eat all this, or I am going to become the size of a house,' she said then popped a shortbread in her mouth and moaned.
'Just not Cris.'
'Yeah no Cris, not until you're ready to listen.'
I snorted. 'So never?'
'What'd I say? Never say never.' Then she skipped out of the room.
I sighed, and looked around the kitchen, I had gone a bit overboard with the baking, but it would all be eaten.
Cris
I stormed out of the shop in search of something. I wasn’t sure what until I ended up at the bar. It may not have been my most brilliant idea ever. After I don’t remember how many shots and beers, I was seeing double. So when two Xavier's showed up on the barstool beside me, I was a bit confused.
'So you fucked up,' X said.
'That I did.'
'Why didn’t you ever tell her?'
I sighed. 'I don’t know if I can explain it.'
'Well try, because if you ever want to get her back you'll have to explain this shit to her.'
'Fine,' I grumbled. 'So Ash likes to play.'
'Okay,' he said looking at me confused.
'Like my kind of play.'
'Oh, okay got it.'
I nodded a little too vigorously nearly knocking myself off the barstool.
'So?' he asked making a continue sign with his hand.
'Oh right, so I've never been in an actual relationship with one of my subs.'
'And?'
'I don’t know how to be a boyfriend and a Dom.'
'It's different how?'
'Uhm, I can’t show weakness.'
He laughed. 'Yeah, let that go immediately.'
'I can’t, a Dom can’t show weakness to their sub. It…it demeans our ability to take care of the sub.'
'Uh huh, if you say so.'
