Chapter Sixty
When Nadya got home I made some pork chops and showed her the invitation over dinner.
“Lana brought this by. Do you think I should go?”
She glanced at the invitation and back over to me with a shrug. “It’s up to you. I thought you were through with Aren.”
I poked at the potatoes on my plate. “I should be.” I lifted my gaze to meet hers. “I should be stronger than this. I hate myself for even considering working things out with him. It’s like I can’t help loving him. I can’t make myself stop.”
“You want my honest opinion?”
I took a sip of iced tea and nodded.
“He and Adam never would have suggested I get involved with catching your stalker if they didn’t believe they could keep me safe. They took me in and did their best to protect me. I don’t blame them or you. I blame
I sighed and rested back into my chair. “Or we butted heads one time too many times and he’s glad I’m finally gone.”
Nadya almost choked on her pork chop and took a drink of her tea, shaking her head. “Oh, please. He’s far from happy.”
I shot forward, resting my arms on the table before I could stop myself. “You’ve seen him?”
“Yeah, a few times actually.” Her voice got softer. “He looks empty.”
My heart melted a little. Of course I had secretly hoped he was thinking about me as much as I had been thinking about him, but hearing it confirmed made me ache. I missed him more than I’d ever missed anyone.
I swallowed the ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “If I decided to go to the party, would you think less of me?”
“What?” Nadya had that same look on her face that Aren used to get. “Why would I think less of you?”
“Because I should be stronger. I should be able to walk away.”
Nadya took another sip of her drink, and met my eyes. “Anyone can hold a grudge. It takes strength to forgive. And Sash…maybe it’s not Aren you need to forgive.”
…
I brushed my teeth and stood in the bathroom, staring at the tattoo on my wrist. Nadya might’ve been on to something. All this time I thought I couldn’t give Aren a second chance, but the longer I stared at the reminder of my mistake, emblazoned on my wrist, the more I realized it was myself I couldn’t forgive.
Staring into my own eyes I made a quiet decision. I was going to the party.
I came out of the bathroom and sat in front of the television beside my sister as an idea lit up inside of me. Just thinking about it made my stomach churn, but I was through being careful. Careful was hurting both of us.
“I’m going to the party, and I think I know what I want to give him for his birthday. But I’m going to need your help.”
“I’d be happy to.” Nadya grinned. “Where are we going shopping?”
“We’re not shopping. I’m going to…” Could I say it out loud? “I’m going to sing.”
Her jaw dropped. “Oh-kay. But you don’t sing.”
Chapter Sixty-One
The tie tack popped through my green tie, and I slid the bar through the dress shirt’s button hole. I didn’t want to go to the party, but here I was dressing up anyway. It was my thirtieth birthday and Lana’s first party with the Pack. She’d grown on me, and I had come to love my new sister. Since she never had a family, birthdays, holidays, any excuse for a gathering made her so happy it was infectious.
And when she announced she wanted to have a fancy party at Harrah’s downtown, we all found ourselves agreeing.
Even Gareth committed to attending, and he wasn’t one to wear a suit.
Logan volunteered his band for the evening, and his mom was already at the hotel decorating the ballroom with Lana. Our Pack hadn’t been this close-knit since my mother passed away.
Once I had my dinner jacket on, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look a year older. Did I?
Did it even matter?
I ran my fingers over the five-o’clock shadow on my cheek. I was becoming a ghost of myself. Was I really going to allow my life to turn into this empty shell? Since when did I ever back down from a deal?
Love was worth fighting for. Sasha was worth dying for. I owed it to both of us to try to work things out. She might shut me down again, but at least I’d be able to look in the mirror and know I tried.
I slipped my phone and my wallet into my pocket and grabbed the keys to the Lotus. With any luck, maybe I could get out of the party early.
Chapter Sixty-Two
My hands were slick with sweat while I struggled to tuck my Ruger into the little holster at the small of my back. I was tempted to leave the gun at home. I couldn’t wear it on my calf because I had on my short pencil skirt, and my red blouse was too formfitting for the bulky shoulder holster. My Glock would stay home locked in the gun safe. I felt naked without at least one weapon, so my petite Ruger was now stashed at the back of the waist of my skirt.
I gave myself a last once-over in the mirror.
“Wow! You look amazing, Sash.”
I glanced over at Nadya. She wore a dark green, silk dress that hugged her in all the right places. I turned all the way around to face her and smiled. “Talk about amazing.”
She grinned smoothing the fabric. “You like it?”
I nodded. “Love it.”
I took a deep breath. “Maybe singing was a bad idea.” I bit my lip. “I must’ve been insane.”
Nadya took my hand tugging me toward the door. “Aren will love it, and everything’s all set already.” She handed me my slim black clutch. “No turning back now.”
“I was afraid you might say that.”
…
Once we found the ballroom on the second floor, Nadya took me around to the service entrance and gave me a hug. “It’s going to be great, you’ll see. Are you sure about missing the dinner?”
“Yeah, I don’t want him to see me until the song.” My stomach churned. “Besides, if I eat I’ll just be nauseated when I take the microphone.”
“You’ll be great. I’ll save you some food. See you soon!” Nadya vanished around the corner.
“Great.” I turned toward the service entrance, dodging the wait staff.
