to you myself.”
“Is this the part where you tell me what a horrible person I am for hurting your brother-in-law? Because I think I’ve got feeling horrible covered already.”
She sighed. “You and Aren both.” Lana gnawed at her lower lip, glancing around at my boxes before meeting my eyes again. “Aren doesn’t know I’m here. In fact, I didn’t tell Adam or Nadya either, so whatever you decide, it’ll stay between us.”
“Fine.” I eyed the envelope, wishing I had some clue what was going on.
“Aren told me you said it was a mistake to trust him, and that he lied to you about the babies being shifters.” That caught my attention, but I didn’t look up. Lana plopped down on the sofa again and sighed. “Okay I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Aren is by far the best most genuine, caring man you will ever meet. I know it’s killing him to be apart from his mate, but he loves you enough to leave you alone because it’s what you told him wanted.”
“It’s no party for me either.” I rubbed my chest, wishing my heart would stop aching.
“I think you’re being a stubborn idiot, and if you let Aren slip away you will never forgive yourself.”
I shot Lana a glare. “Thanks for the tip.”
“I’m trying to help you.”
I shook my head. “How can you possibly help me? You don’t know anything about me.”
“Maybe not, but I do know about the Pack, and I know Aren. It wasn’t his place to tell you about Malcolm’s and Madeleine’s abilities. His brother is the Alpha. Aren and the other wolves would lay down their lives for Adam. Protecting him and his offspring goes beyond honor and duty—it’s an animal instinct.”
“I don’t care if it’s an instinct.” I lifted my left wrist and popped off the leather band to expose the Nero operative tattoo on my wrist. “This insignia is a constant reminder to me not to forget what happened when I trusted the wrong man. Now my sister is infected, and we’re all holding our breath watching for any sign of psychosis. You and I both saw the pictures from the experiments.” I rubbed my forehead wishing I could wipe the images from my mind. “None of this would be happening if I hadn’t agreed to use her as bait.”
“Are you so sure? What if the Pack hadn’t agreed to protect her? She might be dead already. Hate to break it to you, but you don’t rule the universe and you don’t get to take all the credit for what happened to Nadya. We all feel horrible that she was bitten. No one wanted it to happen. We thought she’d be safe.”
“I should have known better, but Aren made me feel invincible. I’d never had a partner before. We talked about a future.” I looked at my hands, unable to meet her eyes. “But he never really trusted me. It was all a lie, and I can’t trust another man who lies to me.”
Lana stared at my wrist. She didn’t like Nero any more than I did.
“I get that. I do.” She met my eyes. “But I’ve also seen how protective you are of Nadya. You’re every bit as territorial about your family as Aren is. He was protecting the youngest members of his family.”
“Maybe so, but I told him everything about my sister. I trusted him with secrets I’d never share with another person.”
“I’m not saying what he did was right.” Lana got up and looked back at me. “What I’m asking you to do is look past all this guilt and anger and ask yourself something… Would you respect a man who spills his brother’s secrets?”
I stared at her, feeling like she just slapped me.
Lana went on, lowering her voice. “Tomorrow night is Adam and Aren’s thirtieth birthday so we’re going all out with a private party downtown at Harrah’s Hotel. Logan’s band is playing, and the whole Pack will be there.” She pointed at the envelope in my hand. “That invitation will get you inside. I hope you’ll consider coming.”
She walked toward the door before I realized she was leaving. I couldn’t stop pondering her question. Would I have respected him less if he hadn’t protected his brother’s children?
His voice echoed through my mind.
Was I so scared to trust someone again that I jumped on the first chance to push him away?
I followed Lana to the door, still clasping the envelope in my hand.
She stopped at the door and turned around. “I hope I see you tomorrow night.”
My voice pinched. “What if he doesn’t want me there?”
Lana started to smile. “I’m pretty sure you’re
I closed the door behind Lana and carefully opened the invitation. I ran my finger over the raised lettering of Aren’s name like a lovesick teen.
Tossing the card on the kitchen counter, I walked out onto the balcony and stared at the mountains in the distance. The wind teased its way through my hair, and I closed my eyes. Aren filled the canvas of my mind. The way he smiled and laughed, the way he touched my skin before he kissed me until the rest of the world faded away.
But he’d lied to me. Just like Sebastian had baffled me with bullshit until he ruined my life. I opened my eyes, rubbing absently over the scar at my collarbone. The bite. My constant reminder that love without honesty wasn’t love.
I went back inside and laid out my yoga mat. I couldn’t think anymore.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
“I’m heading home, Aren.” Maggie poked her head in his office. “Don’t stay too late.”
I looked up at the sound of her voice. “Thanks for your help today. Goodnight.”
The desk clock read five-thirty p.m. as she closed the door behind her. Time had ceased to have much meaning for me. Most nights I worked through dinner and into the night. Since Barry’s death, I’d been shouldering the extra work, but instead of hiring a replacement I stayed later, grateful for the added distraction. In my office, buried in business deals, construction plans, and mergers, I could keep my mind occupied. The moment I walked out of the building, the wolf inside of me searched for Sasha.
There was no explaining to raw animal instinct that she was never coming back.
It was crazy. I missed walking into a stifling hot room and knowing Sasha was meditating. I missed the way she always had me guessing. I missed holding her, the taste of her mouth. I even missed her guns. How many times had I dreamed of disarming her and making love until dawn, only to wake up alone?
Too many.
I stopped by my brother’s place a couple of times under the guise of visiting my niece and nephew, but in reality I wanted to talk to Nadya. She was the only remaining link to my mate.
Lana kept inviting me over for meals, filling me with advice about time healing all wounds, that if Sasha didn’t come to her senses, I’d find someone else. Someone better. While that might be true for Sasha, for a wolf like me, I was through. Sasha was my mate. There wouldn’t be another.
I ground my teeth together and pressed the remote for the stereo. Elvis’s voice filled my office while I struggled to lose myself in my work.
Unable to ignore my stomach any longer, I locked up the office just after ten p.m. and headed to my car. My cell phone buzzed as I got in:
Lana’s text made me grumble as I jammed my phone back into my pocket. The last thing I wanted was a fucking birthday party. In fact, I couldn’t imagine being any less interested in a party.
But it wasn’t just my birthday. It was Adam’s day, too. We’d always celebrated our birthday together, and this would be our first celebration without Dad. I had to go.
Shit.
I still didn’t have to be happy about it, which was a good thing. I was having a tough time remembering what happy felt like.
