A Beautiful Mess

That spark. Where you feel the fireworks and your heart skips a beat. Where all you do is think about that person; in a non-stalkerish way of course.

Where you talk all of the time about absolutely nothing but you feel like you’re connecting on a certain level with the person. Where you understand one another and for once you’re selfless because you think about what the other person needs before yourself.

I’m a smart girl when it comes to education. Taking tests and doing homework. Staying up at all hours of the night to do projects and write papers. But when it comes to relationships I fucking suck at it, which is probably the biggest understatement of the year.

Decade.

Century.

Millennium.

My problem is not finding a guy but actually feeling something for them. A lot of people say that I’m picky but I don’t want to waste my time. Wasting my time on someone when I know from the beginning when I first shake their hand or look into their eyes that it won’t last.

We won’t last.

Life is too short to waste your time, so I’m not. It’s a smart thing, but it’s also the dumbest thing because my life is quickly passing me by and before I know it I’m going to be on my death bed. So while my dad is talking about the good vs. the bad and the right vs. wrongs in life I’m thinking about finally starting mine.

Going to college parties.

Getting drunk and then suffering from the horrible hangovers.

Wearing sweats and ratty t-shirts to class.

Messing around and enjoying it.

We have long since moved on from that red light and have now pulled into the parking lot of the school. I see kids moving in and parents hugging their kids and I’m instantly nervous. My palms began to sweat and my heart plummeted and before I knew it I was freaking out. I had never been away from home for an extended period of time.

I guess part of it was because my mom died in a car accident when I was four. It was just any normal day where she was running errands and picking up groceries. And then my dad got a call from the police saying his wife, and my mom, was gone.

Ever since then my dad and I had been really close. Of course there were some awkward times when Daddy had to teach me about periods. Buying me tampons and pads at the convenience store. He took me bra shopping and we argued about whether or not a bikini was skimpy or non-skimpy.

But there were also really good times. He took me prom dress shopping and cheered me on at all of the soccer games. I could pick his voice out over anybody else’s at my chorus concerts. He took me to the movies to see chick flicks when he really wanted to see aliens and zombies attacking people. Trust me, we saw plenty of those as well. I’ve lived a pretty good life and I’m lucky.

Daddy must have heard me take a gasp of air because the next thing I knew he was placing his hand over mine and squeezing. He was giving me reassurance and telling me everything was going to be okay.

Getting my suitcases out of the car we started to walk into the building where I would be living for my freshman year. With shaky fingers I got my key and swipe card from my Resident Advisor and then walked to the front door of room 312. I began to slide my key into the hole when the door opened and out walked this drop-dead gorgeous guy.

He was wearing cargo shorts with a green top that brought out the bluish-green color of his eyes. His blonde hair was shaved and he had little bit of scruff on his face.

My jaw dropped open and my heart started to beat twice, maybe even three times, as fast but at the same time it felt like it had slowed down. I had always read in books or saw in movies the first time two people meet and they feel that instant connection. I’d always thought it was bullshit but also the most romantic thing I had ever seen. That instant connection with the sparks and fireworks. With the rapidly beating heart and the serenity you felt while you just stared at this person and probably acted like a total idiot and looked like a moron with a stupid look on your face.

Blinking a few times to make sure he wasn’t just a figment of my imagination I was brought back to reality and could see Daddy out of the corner of my eye looking between the two of us and shaking his head back and forth. Clearly he wasn’t pleased. The cute guy put his hand out in front of me and started to say something when some girl nudged him out of the way and grabbed me in a hug.

My bags dropped to the floor and she started squealing and jumping up and down. She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed back and said, “I’m Jade. You must be Ashlynn?”

I began to laugh and said, “Well, if I wasn’t then that would have been really awkward.”

I heard somebody laughing and I turned to my left and noticed that it was the cute guy. I looked back at Jade for an answer.

Waving her hand around she said, “Oh, that’s Jason, my twin brother. He’ll be around a lot. I hope you don’t mind.”

I turned to him and I knew that my eyes were bugging out of my head. Mind? Not in the slightest.

He put his hand out again and said, “I’m Jason. It’s nice to meet you Ashlynn.”

I put my hand out to shake his and the second our skin touched, I felt a jolt of electricity jump through me. That ain’t no spark, it’s like being shocked back to life.

I could tell he felt it too but he quickly let go of my hand and turned to his sister. “So I’ll see you ladies later?”

Jade just nodded her head and said, “Yeah, be here around nine.”

Jason nodded his head up and down and then turned to me. “I’ll see you later Ashlynn.”

Oh you most certainly will. Instead lamely, I said, “Ok.”

As soon as he left Jade helped Daddy and I carry all of my bags in. After organizing my room and working through the hassle of getting the television plugged in and getting the damn internet to connect to my laptop it was time for Daddy to leave.

Jade was sitting on her bed listening to music when I started to walk Daddy out. Before the door closed the entire way Jade yelled, “Nice to meet you Mr. Miller.”

Daddy poked his head back in and said, “You too Jade. Take care of my little girl.”

I heard Jade giggling and then she said, “Oh I most certainly will. Advil, Midol, and Tylenol are all in stock!”

Once the door closed I put my hand in Daddy’s and we walked back to his car in silence. I’d known I was going to be starting college four hours away but it wasn’t actually hitting me until that moment.

We walked over to the driver’s side and Daddy unlocked the car and opened the door. His back was to me and when he turned around there were tears in his eyes and I instantly wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. He wrapped me in his arms as well and his head rested on top of mine. We stood like that for a while and then Daddy put me at arm’s length. He wiped away his tears and said, “Ugh, something must have flown in my eye.”

I just chuckled and said, “I love you Daddy.”

He continued wiping away his eyes and sniffled. I wrapped my arms around him again and kissed him on the cheek saying, “Always.” He kissed me on the top of the head and said, “Well you better get back in there. Just remember to have fun but be smart in your decisions.”

I nodded my head and said, “I will.”

He nodded his head and poked his lower lip out. That look said that he was in deep concentration and lost in his thoughts. He kissed me again on the cheek and then got into the car and started it up. I closed his door and started to walk backwards waving to him.

He put his seatbelt on and then lowered his window and said, “Watch out for that boy, Ash. I can tell he’s one of the bad ones and I don’t want to clean up the mess afterwards.” As soon as the words left his mouth Daddy winked at me, backed out of the parking spot, and began to drive away.

I kept waving to him and then under my breath I said, “Don’t I know it,” and my, oh my, was I looking forward to getting to know that beautiful mess of a man.