'I found the contract, you bastard,' raged Thor, waving it at him. 'I found the deal you did. You sold all our power to...to a lawyer and a...an advertiser and, and all sorts of other people. You stole our power! You couldn't steal all of mine because I'm too strong, but you kept me bewildered and confused, and made bad things happen every time I got angry. You prevented me getting back home to Norway by every method you could, because you knew I'd find this! You and that poison dwarf Toe Rag. You've been abusing and humiliating me for years, and - '
'Yes, yes, we know all that,' said Odi n.
'Well...Good!'
'Thor - ' said Kate.
'Well I've shaken all that off now!' shouted Thor.
'Yes, I see - '
'I went somewhere I could get good and angry in pence, when I knew you'd be otherwise occupied and expecting me to be here, and I had a hell of a good shout and blew things up a bit, and I'm all right now! And I'm going to tear this up for a start!'
He ripped right through the contract, threw the pieces in the air and incinerated them with a look.
'Thor - ' said Kate.
'And I'm going to put right all the things you made happen so I'd be afraid of getting angry. The poor girl at the airline check-in desk that got turned into a drink machine. Woof! Wham! She's back! The jet fighter that tried to shoot me down when I was flying to Norway! Woof! Wham! It's back! See, I'm back in control of myself!'
'What jet fighter?' asked Kate. 'You haven't told me about a jet fighter.'
'It tried to shoot me down over the North Sea. We had a scrap and in the heat of the moment I, well, I turned it into an eagle, and it's been bothering me ever since. So now that's dealt with. Don't look at me like that. I did what I could. I took care of his wife by fixing one of those lottery things. Look,' he added angrily, 'all this has been very difficult for me, you know. All right. What else?'
'My table lamp,' said Kate quietly.
'And Kate's table lamp! It shall be a small kitten no more! Woof! Wham! Thor speaks and it is so! What was that noise?'
A ruddy glow was spreading across the London skyline.
Thor, I think there's something wrong with your father.'
'I should bloody well hope so. Oh. What's wrong? Father? Are you all right?'
'I have been so very, very foolish and unwise,' wept Odin, 'I have been so wicked and evil, and - '
'Yes, well that's what I think, too,' said Thor and sat on the cnd of his bed. 'So what are we going to do?'
'I don't think I could live without my linen, and my Sister Bailey, and... It's been so, so, so long, and I'm so, so old. Toe Rag said I should kill you, but I...I would rather have killed myself. Oh, Thor...'
'Oh,' said Thor. 'I see. Well. I don't know what to do now. Blast. Blast everything.'
'Thor -'
'Yes, yes, what is it?'
'Thor, it's very simple what you do about your father and the Woodshead,' said Kate.
'Oh yes? What then?'
'I'll tell you on one condition.'
'Oh really? And what's that?'
'That you tell me how many stones there are in Wales.'
'What!' exclaimed Thor in outrage. 'Away from me! That's years of my life you're talking about!'
Kate shrugged.
'No!' said Thor. 'Anything but that! Anyway, he added sullenly, 'I told you.'
'No you didn't.'
'Yes I did. I said I lost count somewhere in Mid-Glamorgan. Well, I was hardly going to start again, was I? Think, girl, think!
Chapter 33
Beating a path through the difficult territory to the north-east of Valhalla - a network of paths that seemed to lead only to other paths and then back to the first paths again for another try - went two figures, one a big, stupid, violent creature with green eyes and a scythe which hung from its belt and often seriously impeded its progress, the other a small crazed creature who clung on to the back of the bigger one, manically urging him on white actuaily impeding his progress still further.
They attained at last a long, low, smelly building into which they hurried shouting for horses. The old stable master came forward, recognised them and, having heard already of their disgrace, was at first disinclined to help them on their way. 'The scythe flashed through the air and the stable master's head started upwards in surprise
