“Sounds gross.”
“Yeah, well, you’re gross.”
I roll my eyes. Jordy’s been one of my closest friends for the last few years. We met at the very first gay bar I ever went to. He came over to me and said, “First time?” I nodded and he grinned. “Knew it. You can always spot the newbies. You look both frightened and excited. Come with me.”
He introduced me to a couple of his friends, and we hit it off right away.
“Hey, turn that up,” Charlie tells the bartender.
I glance up at the TV screen hoisted up in the corner of the bar. They’re talking about The Unwanted, a band that was formed in my hometown of Gaspar. I try not to pay attention, but my ears perk up when I hear his name.
“Merrick Kingston along with Sky Montgomery of the rock band, The Unwanted, were photographed in Paris with a couple of women. . .each. Don’t worry, ladies, doesn’t look like these two are settling down any time soon. The band is on the last leg of their tour and will soon be heading home for a well-deserved vacation. The band comes from a small town in Ohio, but I don’t think small-town life is enough for these rock stars. You can. . .”
“All right, turn that off. It’s just stupid tabloid gossip.”
“What?” Charlie spins in my direction but points his finger at the TV. “Those are facts.”
“Nobody cares.”
“I think a lot of people care,” AJ says. “Especially the people of Gaspar. That’s not that far away from us. What is it? Like an hour?”
“Forty-five minutes,” I murmur.
“Oh yeah, you’re from there, right? Did you know any of them?” AJ questions.
“I wish I knew a couple of them,” Charlie says, taking a sip of his drink. “I would do very naughty things to those little rock gods.”
“None of them are really little,” Jordy adds.
“Even better.”
“If y’all are just gonna salivate over these guys, I’m gonna go hang out with my straight friends,” I say.
Jordy shoves me in the shoulder. “Oh please. You know we’re more fun.”
“Why do you hate the band so much?” Charlie asks.
“I don’t hate them.”
Which is pretty true. I don’t hate Carlos, Jay, or Sky. I know them, but was never really close with any of them. Merrick on the other hand. . .it’s a long story.
I wouldn’t say I hate him either, though. I’m just over him and his bullshit.
A tiny voice in the back of my head says, are you though?
“So, are you gonna head back home and hope to get a sighting?” Jordy’s eyes twinkle with excitement.
I shake my head but can’t help but smile at my friend. “I go visit my mom all the time. I doubt I’ll see any of them though.” Read: I hope I don’t see one specific person.
“I’ve been through that town, not a whole lot to it. I can see why you left,” AJ says.
“It’s not like I went far.”
“Yeah, but we have more city life here. Gay bars, for one. Places that stay open past ten, for two. And plenty more fish in the sea.”
He’s right about that. I left Gaspar because I had a job offering here in Chaparral, but having more nightlife was definitely a plus, and getting away from Gaspar was good for me. I needed to distance myself from everything that reminded me of Merrick Kingston. I thought it would work, but I’m not sure it did. He and his band got so big, there’s no escaping them. They’re on TV, the radio, billboards, magazine covers. Everything.
I haven’t told anybody about my experience with Merrick. At first, it was a secret we both kept. After our first kiss, we went a long while without bringing it up. Both of us were scared of what we’d acknowledged by kissing, and nothing happened between us for at least six months.
Between the ages of seventeen and eighteen were our best times. That’s when we had the same dreams. The same plans for the future. We were still scared to tell people, but we knew when we did, we’d do it together.
When Merrick turned eighteen and graduated high school, he started leaving Gaspar for months at a time with the guys in his band. They traveled to nearby cities and bordering states, playing any and everywhere they could. They had their own plans then.
I started college, and when Merrick would be back in town, we’d meet up. Things were already changing then, but we pretended our plans were still going to happen. He never brought up when he’d come out, so I didn’t either. What we had remained a secret.
By the time we were twenty, I was halfway through with college, and I had come out to my family and close friends. I found a boyfriend, too.
Merrick wasn’t happy about any of it.
4
Alejandro
6 Years Ago
My phone pings with an alert. When I look at the screen, my heart drops and I lose all the breath in my lungs.
Kingston: Hey, I’m home. Wanna meet up?
I don’t respond for almost two hours, because I know what he means by meeting up. Every time we get together after he’s been gone, we hook up. But I have a boyfriend now, and that means I have to tell him that I came out already.
My boyfriend, Shae, drops down on the couch next to me. “Why do you look so worried over here?” He kisses my cheek and squeezes my thigh.
I grin and put my pencil down on the table in front of me, then lean back into the couch and take his hand in mine.
“I’m fine. What do you have going on tonight?”
He huffs. “Study group. Hopefully I won’t be there all night. Why? What’s up with you?”
“I may go see an old friend. He just came back to town.”
Shae, with his buzzed blond hair and blue eyes is the epitome of a pretty boy. He’s got very little facial hair and baby
