I couldn't kiss him. Not a real kiss anyway.
I moved in to rest my eyelid against his, fluttering my eyelashes against his before pulling back with a grin on my face, as if my intention from the start was just to be a smartass.
He opened his eyes and laughed. “You know that isn't a real kiss, Ry.”
I shrugged. “It is too. It’s a butterfly kiss.”
He rolled his eyes again. “Whatever you say.”
“I bet you haven’t kissed anyone yet, either.” I accused him in an effort to defend myself.
“I did too. I kissed Lizzy, from school.”
It was the first time he'd ever mentioned another girl to me, and for some reason it pitted my stomach.
“Prove it.” I dared, attempting to call him on what I was hoping to be his own bluff.
He turned towards me and eyed me a moment, as if considering his options. Then, before I could register what was happening, I felt his warm lips pressed tightly up against mine.
He held them there for what felt like minutes but, realistically, it was only seconds. His lips were soft, and I felt my heart racing as he pulled away.
He offered me a shrug.
As if, giving me my first kiss, was no different than the time he gave me my first noogie.
It was then that I realized just how I felt about Tyler and, even though Tyler may never be my first boyfriend, I wanted him to be my first for so many other things.
“There,” he said, looking out across my backyard and not at me.
“That was not a butterfly kiss.” I whispered, redundantly, as I reached up to touch my own lips.
He laughed. “No, it was a real kiss.”
“Does that mean I'm ready now?”
He finally looked back at me again, a confused look on his face. “For what?”
“Older boys?”
*************************
Memories of Tyler still plagued me. Even now, years later.
I hadn't been home in five years, and if it weren’t for my parents finally guilting me into it, I'd keep that streak going.
Now, at twenty-three, I lived a safe four-hour drive away from Tyler and our tiny hometown.
I preferred it that way.
Tyler may have been my best friend since diapers, but that all changed the summer I left for college.
Chapter 3
Tyler
After Ryder left for college, I tried calling her every day, but she ignored me. She even had her parents tell me to stop calling her, after about a month of dodging my calls.
They ended up telling me that it’d be best if I just stayed at the community college, and let Ryder go. They told me she needed time to figure out a life of her own, and that I should do the same.
They were good people, like second parents to me even. I could tell they hated being the messenger, so I didn’t attempt to put them in the middle by hounding them for anymore answers.
Ones they probably didn’t even have.
I ended up staying at the local community college that fall, like her parents had insisted. Every year I waited for Ryder to reach out to me, to change her mind about cutting me out of her life, but she never did.
She ended up changing her number.
I knew it was probably because I wouldn't stop randomly texting her out of the blue, fishing for a response. When my message got kicked back to me, letting me know the number was no longer in service, I officially stopped trying to think up ways to get ahold of her.
I hadn’t even realized how much my life truly consisted of Ryder, until she was gone. All my life's plans had included her, and I suddenly had to change my entire future to one she didn’t even exist in.
After I got my degree, I actually landed a job at our local high school. It was weird being back there at first. Especially when every hallway, and classroom, consisted of a memory I’d shared with Ryder. Yet, somehow, after about a year those memories became easier to avoid as I walked the halls.
I ended up getting a place just a few miles from our folks and I visited them pretty frequently.
Her parents kept me filled in on her new life in the city, and I acted as if her absence didn’t faze me anymore.
They let me know she’d graduated this year, and was working at an advertisement company, as a marketing manager.
Apparently, she didn't have any plans of moving home. In fact, they said she seemed happy in the city with her roommates.
I wanted to be happy for her, but I wasn't. I was bitter. The truth was, I’d always been hypocritical and selfish when it came to Ryder. Not intentionally but now as I look back on it, it was embarrassingly obvious.
*************************
When Ryder started high school as a freshman, I was already a sophomore and playing football. I’d dated a few girls my freshman year but, since I never saw them outside of school, I didn’t talk about them with Ryder.
In fact, when it came to girls and Ryder, I kept them separate. That’s how I liked to keep things. Ryder was always a piece of my life that I compartmentalized. I kept her separate from many things, until it was inevitable for them to collide.
I knew, with Ryder joining us all in high school, it would put an end to that option.
I was standing by my locker on the first day of school and I saw Ryder walking down the sophomore hall, clearly looking for me.
