And Then an Epiphany
It wasn’t until a couple of years after I got divorced that a male friend shared his thoughts on what femininity means to men. I was fascinated (and relieved!) by what he said. He talked of feminine softness, warmth, radiance, and empathy—the qualities I had come to believe were of little, if any, value. After going through years of distress and heartache, I was thrilled to discover that my inner qualities, which I had hidden away, were actually honored and appreciated by men all along. Ironically, asking men what they thought had never occurred to me.
With that revelation, I began to transform my life. Although the change didn’t happen overnight, little by little I let go of the façade and persona of masculinity in my appearance and attitudes. I focused on softness, warmth, sensuality, beauty, and color. As I gradually gave myself permission to relax into my femininity I happily returned to the essence of my girlhood; my former passions were reignited. And for the first time since I was a young woman, I felt elated that I could not only accept who I was, but also embrace it without needing to change myself to be what I was not. I had finally rediscovered myself … the truth of my glorious femininity.
Femininity Shunned
So, what happened to the glorious feminine?
In talking with women about femininity over the years, I have found so much confusion and ambiguity around the term. Even the word femininity seems to have become politically incorrect, its rich meaning forgotten. In fact, the very definition of femininity seems to be obscure today. Looking up the word in the dictionary tells us next to nothing. Merriam-Webster defines the word femininity as: “(1) The quality or nature of the female sex; (2) Effeminacy; (3) Women, womankind.” A little vague, don’t you think?
Unfortunately, femininity has lost the highly-honored status it once had. Expressing authentic femininity that manifests qualities such as a radiant smile, a gentle voice, sweetness and ladylike mannerisms is no longer promoted as a virtue. Western media and society have suggested that femininity is, for the most part, weak, insignificant, and subordinate. Due to this negative social conditioning and devaluation, we have come to view femininity as undesirable. The beauty of these fine qualities has been dulled and diminished. And so, we have largely stopped expressing our authentic feminine core for fear of being ostracized or judged. Ironically, we women have been the toughest critics of these softer qualities, while men have quietly continued to adore our feminine qualities all along.
Though we have been conditioned for decades to believe that the masculine persona is worthier and more valuable than the feminine, the reality is that shifting into predominantly masculine energy only serves to weaken us. Our feminine bodies aren’t biologically and hormonally designed to handle the type of stress masculine men can handle. Likewise, men cannot handle the types of stresses we women excel at handling. As a male friend quipped, “Does anyone know a man who could handle a roomful of children without going berserk? I don’t.”
A masculine man thrives on the energy of being mission driven. He’s pumped when he’s tackling large-scale problems, being heroic, physically protecting loved ones and tribes, and inspired by radiant feminine energy to overcome challenges and break through to a sense of freedom. A feminine woman, on the other hand, thrives on relating, connection, compassion, empathy, radiance, and softly influencing others (especially men) through her inner and outer beauty. There is no “superior” or “inferior” in our different qualities and strengths.
And so shunning our innate nature has not been without major consequences, and the list is long. We are spending more of our lives today…
Feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
Being alone and lonely.
Having less access to our innate creativity.
Losing our attractive softness and becoming angular.
Losing our sense of trust and intuition.
Experiencing adversarial energy with men rather than cooperative and inspiring energy.
Being more prone to empty materialism.
Experiencing more weight issues.
Becoming less attractive generally.
Inspiring less adoration from men.
All of which leads us to feel more emotional emptiness in our lives.
With so many aspects of our lives coming apart, a growing number of us are finally realizing that something is very wrong.
The False Promise
We women have rightly fought for equal rights with men. Yet, were we so eager to declare victory that we settled for less by willingly trading in our true birthright, our femininity, in exchange for equality? If men get to exercise their rights to remain in their natural masculine energy, while we women have to suppress our natural feminine energy, is that really equality? How can we compete with men who are already great at being masculine? Why put ourselves at this unfair disadvantage? We were told we could have it all, but after half a century, do we? How can we realistically have it all when we’re operating as “imitation men” and not from our natural feminine essence? That’s not equality—it’s being a slave to political correctness. We should never have had to give up our femininity to gain equal rights to men.
Let’s Face It—Women Make Lousy Men
As one man best expressed it:
“When women try to become masculine, they give up their true strength. Women are already upstream in the Universe—they just need to flow with the current rather than fight it and try to go the wrong way.”
– Rob
Many women today believe that to succeed in the workplace they must set aside their femininity and operate from their masculine energy. However, for those of us with a strong feminine core, this means an endless struggle to stay in an energy that is foreign to us. Because a masculine role is not natural to us, we aren’t living from an authentic place. We keep ourselves from fully expressing our innate competencies. As a result, we are not performing at our best. Even worse, we accumulate stresses that take a toll on our mental and physical well-being.
