8 Raymond Knee and his colleagues: C. Raymond Knee, “Implicit Theories of Relationships: Assessment and Prediction of Romantic Relationship Initiation, Coping, and Longevity,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 74 (1998), 360–370.
9 John Gottman reports: Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, 155.
10 And they assign blame to a trait: This has been studied by Raymond Knee, and I have found this in my work with Lara Kammrath. (See also the work of Frank Fincham.)
11 So once people with the fixed mindset: The idea that a fixed mindset can undermine relationships is also found in the work of Roy Eidelson and Norman Epstein, and of Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick. The idea of criticism—attacking the partner’s personality or character—leading to contempt is explored in the work of John Gottman.
12 Brenda and Jack were clients: Daniel B. Wile, After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1988).
13 The story of Ted and Karen: Beck, Love Is Never Enough.
14 “Everything she says and does”: Ibid., 36.
15 “She never takes anything seriously”: Ibid., 36.
16 “What is the mature thing”: Ibid., 246.
17 Aaron Beck tells couples: Ibid., 199.
18 Hillary defended him: Hillary Rodham Clinton, Living History (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2003), 465.
19 Through counseling, Bill came to understand: Bill Clinton, My Life (New York: Knopf, 2004); Bill Clinton on The Charlie Rose Show, June 23, 2004.
20 One evening, Stevie Wonder: H. R. Clinton, Living History.
21 Jennifer Beer studied hundreds of people: Jennifer S. Beer, “Implicit Self- Theories of Shyness,” Journal of Personality & Social Psychology 83 (2002), 1009– 1024. See also the excellent work of Phil Zimbardo on shyness.
22 Scott Wetzler, a therapist and professor: Scott Wetzler, Is It You or Is It Me? Why Couples Play the Blame Game (New York: HarperCollins, 1998).
23 “It doesn’t matter to me”: Ibid., 134.
24 At Columbine, the most notorious: Brooks Brown and Rob Merritt, No Easy Answers: The Truth Behind Death at Columbine (New York: Lantern Books, 2002).
25 Brooks Brown, a classmate: Ibid.
26 He rejected the fixed mindset: Ibid., 47.
27 In his own words: Ibid., 107.
28 “It’s to use your mind”: Ibid., 263.
29 “We can just sit back”: Ibid., 21.
30 Stan Davis, a therapist: Stan Davis, Schools Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying (Wayne, ME: Stop Bullying Now, 2003). See also Dan Olweus, Bullying at School (Malden, MA: Blackwell, 1993).
31 “I notice that you have been”: Ibid., 34.
32 Haim Ginott, the renowned child psychologist: Haim G. Ginott, Teacher and Child (New York: Macmillan, 1972), 167.
33 In a New York Times article: Jane Gross, “Hot Topic at Summer Camps: Ending the Rule of the Bullies,” The New York Times, June 28, 2004.
CHAPTER 7. PARENTS, TEACHERS, AND COACHES: WHERE DO MINDSETS COME FROM? 1 Haim Ginott, the childrearing sage: Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent & Child (New York: Avon Books, 1956), 22–24.
2 Remember chapter 3: This work was with Claudia Mueller and Melissa Kamins.
3 Ginott tells of Philip: Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent & Teenager (New York: Macmillan, 1969), 88.
4 Children Learn the Messages: This research was done with Chauncy Lennon and Eva Pomerantz.
5 Here’s a kindergarten boy: This is from work with Gail Heyman and Kathy Cain: Gail D. Heyman, Carol S. Dweck, and Kathleen Cain, “Young Children’s Vulnerability to Self- and Helplessness,” Child Development 63 (1992), 401–415.
6 We asked second-grade children: This research was with Gail Heyman: Gail D. Heyman and Carol S. Dweck, “Children’s Thinking About Traits: Implications for Judgments of the Self and Others,” Child Development 64 (1998), 391–403.
7 Mary Main and Carol George: Mary Main and Carol George, “Responses of Abused and Disadvantaged Toddlers to Distress in the Day Care Setting,” Developmental Psychology 21 (1985), 407–412.
8 “My parents pushed me”: John McEnroe with James Kaplan, You Cannot Be Serious (New York: Berkley, 2002), 31.
9 However, he says, “Many athletes”: Ibid., 30.
10 “If Tiger had wanted to be”: Tom Callahan, In Search of Tiger: A Journey Through Gold with Tiger Woods (New York: Crown, 2003), 213.
11 Tiger says in return: Tiger Woods, How I Play Golf (New York: Warner Books, 2001), 302.
12 Dorothy DeLay, the famous violin teacher: Barbara L. Sand, Teaching Genius: Dorothy DeLay and the Making of a Musician (Portland, OR: Amadeus Press, 2000).
13 One set of parents: Ibid., 79.
14 DeLay spent countless hours: Ibid., 144.
15 Says Yura, “I’m always happy”: Ibid., 153.
16 We asked college students to describe: This work was with Bonita London.
17 Haim Ginott describes Nicholas: Ginott, Between Parent & Teenager, 132.
18 For thirty-five years, Sheila Schwartz taught: Sheila Schwartz, “Teaching’s Unlettered Future,” The New York Times, August 6, 1998.
19 Marva Collins taught Chicago children: Marva Collins and Civia Tamarkin, Marva Collins’ Way: Returning to Excellence in Education (Los Angeles: Jeremy Tarcher, 1982/1990); Marva Collins, “Ordinary” Children, Extraordinary Teachers (Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads Publishing, 1992).
20 When 60 Minutes did a segment: Collins, “Ordinary” Children, 43–44.
21 Chicago Sun-Times writer Zay Smith: Collins and Tamarkin, Marva Collins’ Way, 160.
22 As Collins looks back: Ibid., 47.
23 “I know most of you can’t”: Ibid., 21–22.
