The Princess Bride

Nod.

'And the throat it came from? I need this man, so be quick!'

Whispered: 'Westley.'

Inigo reasoned: 'A sailor? Brought here by Rugen?'

Nod.

'And I reach him where?'

The albino hesitated, then pointed to the deadly entrance. Whispered: 'He is on the bottom level. Five levels down.'

'Then I have no more need for you. Quiet him a while, Fezzik.'

From behind him, the albino was aware of a giant shadow moving. Funny, he thought—the last thing he remembered—I thought that was a tree.

Inigo was on fire now. There was no stopping him. Fezzik hesitated by the main door. 'Why would he tell the truth?'

'He's a zookeeper threatened with death. Why would he lie?'

'That doesn't follow.'

'I don't care!' Inigo said sharply, and, in fact, he didn't. He knew in his heart the man in black was down there. There was no other reason for Fezzik to find him, for Fezzik to know of Rugen, for everything to be coming together after so many years of waiting. If there was a God, then there was a man in black waiting. Inigo knew that. He knew it. And, of course, he was absolutely right. But again, of course, there were many things he did not know. That the man in black was dead, for one. That the entrance they were taking was the wrong one, for another, a false one, set up to foil those, like himself, who did not belong. There were spitting cobras down there, though what would actually come at him would be worse. These things he did not know either.

But his father had to be revenged. And the man in black would figure out how. That was enough for Inigo.

And so, with an urgency that would soon turn to deep regret, he and Fezzik approached the Zoo of Death.

Seven

The Wedding

INIGO ALLOWED Fezzik to open the door, not because he wished to hide behind the giant's strength but, rather, because the giant's strength was crucial to their entering: someone would have to force the thick door from its hinges, and that was right up Fezzik's alley.

'It's open,' Fezzik said, simply turning the knob, peering inside.

'Open?' Inigo hesitated. 'Close it then. There must be something wrong. Why would something as valuable as the Prince's private zoo be left unlocked?'

'It smells of animals something awful in there,' Fezzik said. 'Did I get a whiff!'

'Let me think,' Inigo said; 'I'll figure it out,' and he tried to do his best, but it made no sense. You didn't leave diamonds lying around on the breakfast table and you kept the Zoo of Death shut and bolted. So there had to be a reason; it was just a matter of exercising your brain power and the answer would be there. (The answer to why the door happened to be unlocked was really this: it was always unlocked. And the reason for that was really this: safety. No one who had entered via the front door had ever survived to exit again. The idea basically belonged to Count Rugen, who helped the Prince architect the place. The Prince selected the location—the farthest corner of the castle grounds, away from everything, so the roars wouldn't bother the servants—but the Count designed the entrance. The real entrance was by a giant tree, where a root lifted and revealed a staircase and down you went until you arrived at the fifth level. The false entrance, called the real entrance, took you down the levels the ordinary way, first to second, second to third, or, actually, second to death.)

'Yes,' Inigo said finally.

'You figured it out?'

'The reason the door was unlocked is simply this: the albino would have locked it, he would never have been so stupid as not to, but, Fezzik, my friend, we got to him before he got to it. Clearly, once he was done with his wheelbarrowing, he would have begun locking and bolting. It's quite all right; you can stop worrying; let's go.'

'I just feel so safe with you,' Fezzik said, and he pulled the door open a second time. As he did it, he noticed that not only was the door unlocked, it didn't even have a place for a lock, and he wondered should he mention that to Inigo, but decided against it, because Inigo would have to wait and figure some more and they had done enough of that already, because, although he said he felt safe with Inigo, in truth he was very frightened. He had heard odd things about this place, and lions didn't bother him, and who cared about gorillas; they were nothing. It was the creepers that made him squeamish. And the slitherers. And the stingers. And the ... and the everything, Fezzik decided, to be truthful and honest. Spiders and snakes and bugs and bats and you name it—he just wasn't very fond of any of them. 'Still smells of animals,' he said, and he held the door open for Inigo, and together, stride for stride, they entered the Zoo of Death, the great door shutting silently behind them.

'Quite a bizarre place,' Inigo said, moving past several large cages in which were cheetahs and hummingbirds and other swift things. At the end of the hall was another door with a sign above it saying, 'To Level Two.' They opened that door and saw a flight of stairs leading very steeply down. 'Careful,' Inigo said; 'stay close to me and watch your balance.'

They started down toward the second level.

'If I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh at me or mock me or be mean to me?' Fezzik asked.

'My word,' Inigo nodded.

'I'm just scared to pieces,' Fezzik said.

'Be sure it ceases,' Inigo said right back.

'Oh, that's a wonderful rhyme—'

'Some other time,' Inigo said, making another, feeling quite bright about the whole thing, sensing the pleasure in having Fezzik visibly relax as they descended, so he smiled and clapped Fezzik on his great shoulder for the good fellow he was. But deep, deep inside, Inigo's stomach was knotting. He was absolutely appalled and astonished that a man of unlimited strength and power would be scared to pieces; until Fezzik spoke, Inigo was positive that he was the only one who was genuinely scared to pieces, and the fact that they both were did not bode well if panic time came. Someone would have to keep his wits, and he had assumed automatically that since Fezzik had so few, he would find retaining them not all that difficult. No good, Inigo realized. Well, he would simply have to do his best to avoid panic situations and that was that.

The staircase was straight, and very long, but eventually they reached the end of it. Another door. Fezzik gave it a push. It opened. Another corridor lined with cages, big ones though, and inside, great baying hippos and a twenty-foot alligator thrashing angrily in shallow water.

'We must hurry,' Inigo said, picking up the pace; 'much as we might like to dawdle,' and he half ran toward a sign that said, 'To Level Three.' Inigo opened the door and looked down and Fezzik peered over his shoulder. 'Hmmm,' Inigo said.

This staircase was different. It was not nearly as steep, and it curved halfway, so that whatever was near the bottom of it was quite out of sight as they stood at the top preparing to go down. There were strange candles burning high on the walls out of reach. The shadows they made were very long and very thin.

'Well, I'm certainly glad I wasn't brought up here,' Inigo said, trying for a joke.

'Fear,' Fezzik said, the rhyme out before he could stop it.

Inigo exploded. 'Really! If you can't maintain control, I'm going to send you right back up and you can just wait there all by yourself.'

'Don't leave me; I mean, don't make me leave you. Please. I meant to say 'beer'; I don't know how the f got in there.'