matter how good you are for him, until you understand what his makeup is, what drives him, what motivates him, and how he loves, you will be vulnerable to his deception and the games he plays.
But with this book, you can get into a man's mind-set and understand him better, so that you can put into play your plans, your dreams, and your desires, and best of all, you can.gure out if he's planning to be with you or just playing with you.
So act like a lady, and think like a man.
PART ONE
1
There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head.rst, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you'll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is.ltered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly ful.lled his destiny as a man. And until he's achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.
Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the.rst thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough to wrestle, climb, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to work hard to do chores around the house, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel the snow, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect to watch out for his mother and his younger siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of these things is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.
The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, it's only magni.ed. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he's achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only.t into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in sync. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.
This is certainly how it worked for me. I'll never forget how disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy I was when, in my early twenties, I was laid off from the Ford Motor Company. I was already a college dropout, and now, without a job, I hardly had enough money to take care of myself, much less a family. This left me unsure of my future what I was going to do, how much I was going to make, and what my title would be. The titles college graduate and Ford inspector were gone; having no job pretty much meant that my chances of bringing home a good paycheck were zero; and I hadn't a clue how I was going to make money. It took me a while to.nd my footing. I dabbled in various jobs: I owned a carpet cleaning business; I sold carpet; I sold Amway products, the Dick Gregory Bahamian Diet, and ALW Insurance and Commonwealth Insurance. It was madness what I was doing to try to get my life together. Finding someone serious to settle down with was the absolute last thing on my mind.
Then, one night a woman for whom I used to write jokes encouraged me to go to a local comedy club and sign up for amateur night. See, I knew I was funny, and I made a few dollars very few dollars writing material for up- and-coming local comedians who were trying to.nd their way into the industry. But I hadn't a clue, really, how to go about getting into the business for myself. Still, this woman saw something in me and told me to take the stage.
So I did. And I killed. I won $50 which today may not seem like a lot of money, but when I was broke at that time, it felt like $5,000 for telling jokes. I also was guaranteed another.fty dollars if, as the winner, I opened the following week's amateur night competition. The next day, I went to a printer and spent.fteen dollars of my winnings on business cards that, along with my phone number, read: Steve Harvey. Comedian. They were.at and.imsy and didn't have any raised lettering, but those business cards announced that I was Steve Harvey (who I am), and that I had a special talent in comedy (what I do). How much I was going to make remained to be seen, but at least I had the who I am and the what I do lined up.
If men aren't pursuing their dreams if we're not chasing the who we are, the what we do, and the how much we make, we're doomed. Dead. But the moment that we.gure out the puzzle and feel like our dreams are taking shape, new life breathes into us it makes us vibrant, enthuses, and animates us. From the moment I became a comedian, I stepped onto that stage ready to be the very best.
Even today, no matter how tired I am, no matter what is going on in my life, I am never late for work, and I've never once missed a gig. Why? Because when I wake up, my dream is in check; I'm living it out live and in color every day, whether it's on the radio during the Steve Harvey Morning Show, or on television with my various projects, or onstage, during my Steve Harvey Live shows. Who I am is certain I'm Steve Harvey. What I do is certain: comedy. And how much I make is right in line with what I've always wanted for my family and me.
And now, I can pay attention to my family. All the faux paint in my house, the metal ceilings, the leather chairs, the dogs outside, the cars in the yard, college tuition for my kids everything is paid for, everyone is set. I can provide for them the way I've always wanted to, I can protect them the way that I was raised to, and in my family's eyes, I am, unquestionably, a man. Which means I have a clear mind when I go to sleep at night.
This is the drive that every man has, whether he's the best player in the NBA, or the best peewee football coach in rural Minnesota; whether he's the head of a Fortune 500 company, or the supervisor on the line at the local bakery; whether he's the kingpin of a major cartel, or the chief corner boy on the block. Encoded in the DNA of the male species is that we are to be the provider and the protector of the family, and everything we do is geared toward ensuring we can make this happen. If a man can afford a place to stay, then he can protect his family from the elements; if he can afford a pair of sneakers for his child, he can feel con.dent enough to send him or her to school feeling secure and upbeat; if he can afford meat at the grocery store, then he can feel assured that he can feed his family. This is all any man wants; anything less, and he doesn't feel like a man.
Even more, we want to feel like we're number one. We want to be The Best somewhere. In charge. We know we're not going to be head man in every situation, but somewhere in our lives, we're going to be the one everyone answers to because it's that important to us. We want the bragging rights the right to say, I'm number one. Women don't seem to care about this so much. But for us men? It's everything. After we've attained that, it's critical that we can show off what we get for being number one. We have to be able to.aunt it, and women have to be able to see it otherwise, what's the use of being number one?
You need to know this because you have to understand a man's motivation why he's not home, why he spends so much time working, why he's watching his money the way he does. Because in his world, he's being judged by other men, based on who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. That affects his mood. If you know he's not where he wants to be or not on track for being where he wants to be, then his mood swings at the house will make more sense to you. Your inability to get him to sit and just talk now makes sense. His on the grind mentality becomes more clear to you. Really, it's all tied to the three things that drive him.
So if this is on his mind, and he hasn't lined up the who he is, the what he does, and the how much he makes in the way that he sees.t, he can't possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means that you can't really have the man you want. He can't sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you.
In my experience, these facts don't always sit well with most women. Many of you.gure that if a man truly loves you, the two of you should be able to pursue your dreams together. Stability is important to you, but you'd rather build the foundation of your relationship together, no matter the man's station in life. This is honorable, but
