The Anything Box

pushed her down at recess, and blood streamedfrom her knee to her ankle, she took her bandages and her tear- smudged face tothat comfort she had so readily—if you'll pardon the expression—at hand, andemerged minutes later, serene and dry-eyed. I think Davie pushed her downbecause of her Looking. I know the day before he had come up to me, red-facedand squirming.
'Teacher,' he blurted. 'She Looks!'
'Who looks?' I asked absently, checking the vocabulary list in my book,wondering how on earth I'd missed where, one of those annoying wh words thatthrow the children for a loss.
'Sue-lynn. She Looks and Looks!'
'At you?' I asked.
'Well—' He rubbed a forefinger below his nose, leaving a clean streak onhis upper lip, accepted the proffered Kleenex and put it in his pocket. 'Shelooks at her desk and tells lies. She says she can see—'
'Can see what?' My curiosity picked up its ears.
'Anything,' said Davie. 'It's her Anything Box. She can see anything shewants to.'
'Does it hurt you for her to Look?'
'Well,' he squirmed. Then he burst out. 'She says she saw me with a dogbiting me because I took her pencil— she said.' He started a pell-mell verbalretreat. 'She thinks I took her pencil. I only found—' His eyes dropped. 'I'llgive it back.'
'I hope so,' I smiled. 'If you don't want her to look at you, then don't dothings like that.'
'Dern girls,' he muttered, and clomped back to his seat.
So I think he pushed her down the next day to get back at her for thedogbite.
Several times after that I wandered to the back of the room, casually inher vicinity, but always she either saw or felt me coming and the quick sketchof her hand disposed of the evidence. Only once I thought I caught a glimmerof something—but her thumb and forefinger brushed in sunlight, and it musthave been just that.
Children don't retreat for no reason at all, and though Sue-lynn did notfollow any overt pattern of withdrawal, I started to wonder about her. Iwatched her on the playground, to see how she tracked there. That onlyconfused me more.
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She had a very regular pattern. When the avalanche of children first
descended at recess, she avalanched along with them and nothing in the
shrieking, running, dodging mass resolved itself into a withdrawn Sue-lynn.
But after ten minutes or so, she emerged from the crowd, tousle-haired,
rosy-cheeked, smutched with dust, one shoelace dangling, and through some
alchemy that I coveted for myself, she suddenly became untousled, undusty and
un-smutched.
And there she was, serene and composed on the narrow little step at the
side of the flight of stairs just where they disappeared into the base of the
pseudo-Corinthian column that graced Our Door and her cupped hands received
whatever they received and her absorption in what she saw became so complete
that the bell came as a shock every time.
And each time, before she joined the rush to Our Door, her hand would
sketch a gesture to her pocket, if she had one, or to the tiny ledge that
extended between the hedge and the building. Apparently she always had to put
the Anything Box away, but never had to go back to get it.
I was so intrigued by her putting whatever it was on the ledge that once I
actually went over and felt along the grimy little outset. I sheepishly
followed my children into the hall, wiping the dust from my fingertips, and
Sue-lynn's eyes brimmed amusement at me without her mouth's smiling. Her hands
mischievously squared in front of her and her thumbs caressed a solidness as
the line of children swept into the room.
I smiled too because she was so pleased with having outwitted me. This
seemed to be such a gay withdrawal that I let my worry die down. Better this
manifestation than any number of other ones that I could name.
Someday, perhaps, I'll learn to keep my mouth shut. I wish I had before
that long afternoon when we primary teachers worked together in a heavy cloud
of Ditto fumes, the acrid smell of India ink, drifting cigarette smoke and the
constant current of chatter, and I let Alpha get me started on what to do with
our behavior problems. She was all raunched up about the usual rowdy loudness
of her boys and the eternal clack of her girls, and I—bless my stupidity—gave
her Sue-lynn as an example of what should be our deepest concern rather than
the outbursts from our active ones.
'You mean she just sits and looks at nothing?' Alpha's voice grated into
her questioning tone.
'Well, I can't see anything,' I admitted. 'But apparently she can.'
'But that's having hallucinations!' Her voice went up a notch. 'I read a
book once—'
'Yes.' Marlene leaned across the desk to flick ashes in the ash tray. 'So
we have heard and heard and heard!'
'Well!' sniffed Alpha. 'It's better than never reading a book.'
'We're waiting,' Marlene leaked smoke from her nostrils, 'for the day when
you read another book. This one must have been uncommonly long.'
'Oh, I don't know.' Alpha's forehead wrinkled with concentration. 'It was
only about—' Then she reddened and turned her face angrily away from Marlene.
'Apropos of our discussion—' she said pointedly. 'It sounds to me like that
child has a deep personality disturbance. Maybe even a psychotic—whatever—'
Her eyes glistened faintly as she turned the thought over.
'Oh, I don't know,' I said, surprised into echoing her words at my sudden
need to defend Sue-lynn. 'There's something about her. She doesn't have that
apprehensive, hunched-shoulder, don't-hit-me-again air about her that so many
withdrawn children have.' And I thought achingly of one of mine from last year
that Alpha had now and was verbally bludgeoning back into silence after all my
work with him. 'She seems to have a happy, adjusted personality, only with
this odd little—plus.'
'Well, I'd be worried if she were mine,' said Alpha. 'I'm glad all my kids
are so normal.' She sighed complacently. 'I guess I really haven't anything to
kick about. I seldom ever have problem children except wigglers and yakkers,
and a holler and a smack can straighten them out'
Marlene caught my eye mockingly, tallying Alpha's class with me, and I
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turned away with a sigh. To be so happy— well, I suppose ignorance does help.
'You'd better do something about that girl,' Alpha shrilled as she left the
room. 'She'll probably get worse and worse as time goes on. Deteriorating, I
think the book said.'
I had known Alpha a long time and I thought I knew how much of her talk to
discount, but I began to worry about Sue-lynn. Maybe this was a disturbance
that was more fundamental than the usual run of the mill that I had met up