I Am a Strange Loop

complexity that are seldom given any thought, but that turn out to be rich and full of surprise. Imagine, then, what happens in the case of more complex feedback loops.

Feedback and Its Bad Rap

The first time my parents wanted to buy a video camera, sometime in the 1970’s, I went to the store with them and we asked to see what they had. We were escorted to an area of the store that had several TV screens on a shelf, and a video camera was plugged into the back of one of them, thus allowing us to see what the camera was looking at and to gauge its color accuracy and such things. I took the camera and pointed it at my father, and we saw his amused smile jump right up onto the screen. Next I pointed the camera at my own face and presto, there was I, up on the screen, replacing my father. But then, inevitably, I felt compelled to try pointing the camera at the TV screen itself.

Now comes the really curious fact, which I will forever remember with some degree of shame: I was hesitant to close the loop! Instead of just going ahead and doing it, I balked and timidly asked the salesperson for permission to do so. Now why on earth would I have done such a thing? Well, perhaps it will help if I relate how he replied to my request. What he said was this: “No, no, no! Don’t do that — you’ll break the camera!”

And how did I react to his sudden panic? With scorn? With laughter? Did I just go ahead and follow my whim anyway? No. The truth is, I wasn’t quite sure of myself, and his panicky outburst reinforced my vague uneasiness, so I held my desire in check and didn’t do it. Later, though, as we were driving home with our brand-new video camera, I reflected carefully on the matter, and I just couldn’t see where in the world there would have been any danger to the system — either to the camera or to the TV — if I had closed the loop (though a priori either one of them would seem vulnerable to a meltdown). And so when we got home, I gingerly tried pointing the camera at the screen and, mirabile dictu, nothing terrible happened at all.

The danger I suppose one could fear is something analogous to audio feedback: perhaps one particular spot on the screen (the spot the camera is pointing straight at, of course) would grow brighter and brighter and brighter, and soon the screen would melt down right there. But why might this happen? As in audio feedback, it would have to come from some kind of amplification of the light’s intensity; however, we know that video cameras are not designed to amplify an image in any way, but simply to transmit it to a different place. Just as I had figured out in the calm of the drive home, there is no danger at all in standard video feedback (by the way, I don’t know when the term “video feedback” was invented, nor by whom; certainly I had never heard it back then). But danger or no danger, I remember well my hesitation at the store, and so I can easily imagine the salesperson’s panic, irrational though it was. Feedback — making a system turn back or twist back on itself, thus forming some kind of mystically taboo loop — seems to be dangerous, seems to be tempting fate, perhaps even to be intrinsically wrong, whatever that might mean.

These are primal, irrational intuitions, and who knows where they come from. One might speculate that fear of any kind of feedback is just a simple, natural generalization from one’s experience with audio feedback, but I somehow doubt that the explanation is that simple. We all know that some tribes are fearful of mirrors, many societies are suspicious of cameras, certain religions prohibit making drawings of people, and so forth. Making representations of one’s own self is seen as suspicious, weird, and perhaps ultimately fatal. This suspicion of loops just runs in our human grain, it would seem. However, as with many daring activities such as hang-gliding or parachute jumping, some of us are powerfully drawn to it, while others are frightened to death by the mere thought of it.

God, Godel, Umlauts, and Mystery

When I was fourteen years old, browsing in a bookstore, I stumbled upon a little paperback entitled “Godel’s Proof”. I had no idea who this Godel person was or what he (I’m sure I didn’t think “he or she” at that early age and stage of my life) might have proven, but the idea of a whole book about just one mathematical proof — any mathematical proof — intrigued me. I must also confess that what doubtlessly added a dash of spice to the dish was the word “God” blatantly lurking inside “Godel”, as well as the mysterious-looking umlaut perched atop the center of “God”. My brain’s molecules, having been tickled in the proper fashion, sent signals down to my arms and fingers, and accordingly I picked up the umlaut-decorated book, flipped through its pages, and saw tantalizing words like “meta-mathematics”, “meta-language”, and “undecidability”. And then, to my delight, I saw that this book discussed paradoxical self-referential sentences like “I am lying” and more complicated cousins. I could see that whatever Godel had proved wasn’t focused on numbers per se, but on reasoning itself, and that, most amazingly, numbers were being put to use in reasoning about the nature of mathematics.

Although to some readers this next may sound implausible, I remember being particularly drawn in by a long footnote about the proper use of quotation marks to distinguish between use and mention. The authors — Ernest Nagel and James R. Newman — took the two sentences “Chicago is a populous city” and “Chicago is trisyllabic” and asserted that the former is true but the latter is false, explaining that if one wishes to talk about properties of a word, one must use its name, which is the expression resulting from putting it inside quotes. Thus, the sentence “ ‘Chicago’ is trisyllabic” does not concern a city but its name, and states a truth. The authors went on to talk about the necessity of taking great care in making such distinctions inside formal reasoning, and pointed out that names themselves have names (made using quote marks), and so on, ad infinitum. So here was a book talking about how language can talk about itself talking about itself (etc.), and about how reasoning can reason about itself (etc.). I was hooked! I still didn’t have a clue what Godel’s theorem was, but I knew I had to read this book. The molecules constituting the book had managed to get the molecules in my head to get the molecules in my hands to get the molecules in my wallet to… Well, you get the idea.

Savoring Circularity and Self-application

What seemed to me most magical, as I read through Nagel and Newman’s compelling booklet, was the way in which mathematics seemed to be doubling back on itself, engulfing itself, twisting itself up inside itself. I had always been powerfully drawn to loopy phenomena of this sort. For instance, from early childhood, I had loved the idea of closing a cardboard box by tucking its four flaps over each other in a kind of “circular” fashion — A on top of B, B on top of C, C on top of D, and then D on top of A. Such grazing of paradoxicality enchanted and fascinated me.

Also, I had always loved standing between two mirrors and seeing the implied infinitude of images as they faded off into the distance. (The photo was taken by Kellie Gutman.) A mirror mirroring a mirror — what idea could be more provocative? And I loved the picture of the Morton Salt girl holding a box of Morton Salt, with herself drawn on it, holding the box, and on and on, by implication, in ever-tinier copies, without any end, ever.

Years later, when I took my children to Holland and we visited the park called “Madurodam” (those quote marks, by the way, are a testimony to the lifelong effect on me of Nagel and Newman’s insistence on the importance of distinguishing between use and mention), which contains dozens of beautifully constructed miniature replicas of famous buildings from all over Holland, I was most disappointed to see that there was no miniature replica of Madurodam itself, containing, of course, a yet tinier replica, and so on… I was particularly surprised that this lacuna existed in Holland, of all places — not only the native land of M. C. Escher, but also the home of Droste’s famous hot chocolate, whose box, much like the Morton’s Salt box, implicated itself in an infinite regress, something that all Dutch people grow up knowing very well.

The roots of my fascination with such loops go very far back. When I was but a tyke, around four or five years