Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

back into the uterus. It settles into the thick, lush, nutrient-rich endometrium (remember the “bed”?).

• Blood vessels from the mother begin to feed the pregnancy, and it continues to grow for the next nine months into a real, live baby! The birth of that baby is another story we don’t have space for in this book, but it is incredible!

It’s an amazing miracle!

8

S-E-X

When you hear the word sex, what do you think of? Your parents or grandparents may refer to sex as “the birds and the bees.” Whatever. Most people think of that penis-in-vagina thing, but there’s really a lot more to it. What about feeling attracted to someone? Holding hands? Kissing? Touching? Intercourse? Oral sex? All of these are part of sex. And the penis-in-vagina thing is usually near the end, not the beginning, of sex. See? There’s a lot to talk about when we say that very big little three-lettered word, S-E-X.

Sex: The Basics

Let’s start with the basics. From a scientific viewpoint, pregnancy is just a sperm and an egg coming together at just the right time to make a new living creature. For many animals, that’s about all there is to it. You might see frogs mating in your backyard (maybe you just thought they were playing piggyback). You probably have seen a dog trying to mate with another dog (or sometimes someone’s leg). But for humans, who have the unique ability to feel love, to communicate, to bond with other humans and to express feelings, sex is a much bigger deal! It should involve a lot of emotional closeness and intimacy, a lot of trust and comfort. It should be something that both people are ready for and agree to do.

Puberty is when your body becomes sexually mature. But to be mature enough for responsible sexual activity is another whole long and involved process that includes your emotions, your sense of self and your ability to be in a healthy relationship. Just because you have the parts and the plumbing doesn’t mean you’re ready to use them (more about this later).

There are a lot of ways to safely explore your body’s feelings and pleasures besides having sex. There’s other stuff, like “petting” or making out, before “going all the way.” Girls with Girl Power need to know about the basics of sex, but they also know that Empowered Girls wait until they are mature enough to deal with all the responsibilities and consequences that come with sex. They don’t have sex before they KNOW they are ready.

The actual “activity” of sexual intercourse can sound sort of icky and awkward, but in the right relationship, when there is love and trust and comfort, it is not icky at all. Bear with us while we explain a few details. (Here comes the birds and the bees part you’ve been waiting for! )

Birds and the Bees?What do they have to do with sex? Great question. It all goes back to Victorian times when sex was never mentioned, and people were so uptight about sex that they made up an explanation for reproduction based on plants in nature. The birds were part of plant reproduction because they spread seeds. They would eat berries and seeds, then spread them as they left their droppings throughout nature. That’s the birds’ part. The bees then were responsible for helping things in nature to grow by pollinating them. So the Victorian families gave that explanation about seeds and pollination to help explain sex to their “children.” That explanation usually occurred on the eve of their weddings. Talk about some confusion!! Aren’t you glad we’re just getting this sex stuff all out in the open?

Foreplay

When a couple is sexually excited, they may kiss and touch each other. It feels good physically and emotionally. Usually, their hearts beat fast, they start breathing more heavily and they may also get sweaty. As a man gets sexually excited, he will get an erection. As the woman gets sexually excited, her vagina will make extra liquid (it’s called lubrication) that makes the vagina more slippery. The vagina will also start to expand some and become more elastic or stretchy. Her nipples and clitoris may also get hard or erect. All this excitement and touching or caressing is called foreplay. It prepares the man’s body and the woman’s body for sexual intercourse, but sexual intercourse doesn’t HAVE to happen just because there is sexual excitement.

Now to That Penis-in-Vagina Thing

Sex can happen in lots of different “positions,” but usually the woman is on the bottom and the man is on the top and they are facing each other. The man’s erect penis is inserted into the woman’s vagina. It seems like that might take some awkward positioning, but we fit together in this way like two puzzle pieces. Once the penis is inside her vagina, the couple will move their bodies to make the penis move in and out or back and forth because it feels good for both of them. The in-and-out movement feels good on the penis for the man and also feels good on the vagina and clitoris for the woman. The closeness also feels good emotionally if both are relaxed and wanting to do what they’re doing.

As the sex continues, the excitement builds to the point where an orgasm may occur. For a man, an orgasm is when ejaculation occurs. Before ejaculation, there is a small amount of fluid (called pre- ejaculate or pre-cum) that leaks out of the penis and may contain sperm. So sperm can be present even if ejaculation has not occurred. And remember, it only takes ONE sperm to get pregnant. After the male ejaculates, the penis gets soft again, and he can’t have another orgasm until he gets another erection.

For a woman, orgasm is less obvious on the outside (and it doesn’t usually involve all the crazy screaming you see on TV or in the movies), but she feels a strong and pleasurable physical reaction through her whole body. Some women can have more than one orgasm during sex, but most don’t.

We’re making it sound pretty unexciting and scientific here, but sex, in the right setting with the right person, is an amazing and wonderful connection. Don’t think from this simple description that it isn’t really special.

Like a Virgin

Lots of teens AND adults pay a lot of attention to the word virgin. In the truest sense of the word, a virgin is a person (male or female) who is sexually “pure.” That means she or he has never had sex. But as you’ll learn throughout this book, there’s a lot more to sex than just a penis in a vagina. Is a girl still a virgin if she has oral sex? Some teens think they are still “technically” a virgin even if they are doing some pretty outrageous sexual things as long as a penis doesn’t go in the vagina. How “pure” is oral or anal sex? Although it might prevent pregnancy, infections can still be a big risk. As far as we’re concerned, the word virgin doesn’t hold much significance medically because “technical virgins” are still at risk for infections and the emotional consequences of sex. The meaning of virgin is deeper than a “technical” definition; it involves purity of the mind as well as the body, and it’s something that you have control over. Just don’t try to fool yourself into thinking “technical virginity” is risk free. Face the truth and protect yourself from the consequences. We’ll discuss what those risks are later in this chapter.

The Big O

(We don’t mean Oprah, but we love her anyway.)

“O”

Orgasms feel great, no question. And lots of people make a huge deal out of them. It’s important to understand that sometimes orgasm doesn’t happen at all during the penis-in-vagina part of sex, particularly for women. Most women need to feel very relaxed, comfortable and safe to experience orgasm. Sex isn’t just about orgasm, and it can still feel good even if an orgasm doesn’t happen. Being