Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

If you haven’t yet, you will eventually begin to recognize the power.

Once you notice how strong it is, you might want to use it to your benefit. Sometimes you want to give it away because:

You know it is strong.

It gets attention.

It seems exciting.

But be careful! If you give it away too soon, it starts to decrease. It becomes less and less and less. But if you hold on to it and protect it and respect it, it will grow and grow and grow. When you do find true love, your true love will also respect that power and help you to protect it. When the time is right to share it, it doesn’t decrease when you release it . . . it grows! That’s when intimacy and sex are great! It feels great physically, it feels great in your heart, and it feels powerful. With the right person, your sexual power and all this other power you’ve been growing is a gift for both of you.

It’s important to keep that power within you until you know you have found true love. Depending on your values, that may mean marriage. Too many girls give it away in middle school or high school when they don’t really know that they have true love. Sex doesn’t make true love. True love lasts, right? What’s the rush? Don’t give it away!

And if you’ve already given some of it away to guys who don’t respect and protect you, you can stop! Just because you’ve made one (or two or three or twenty-five) mistakes, it doesn’t mean you have to keep giving your power away over and over again. If you’ve felt that loss of power before, you know what we mean. Girls who have felt that power loss learn that sex in the wrong relationship isn’t worth the stress, the worry, the emotions and the physical risks. But if you make new choices to protect yourself and your sexual power, you’ll have something special to share when you do have true love. You can build your Girl Power back up!

People who try to take your power away from you aren’t interested in you. They are just interested in stealing something special. The person who values your Girl Power, protects it and helps it grow wants what is best for you. He is interested in you. He knows that your Girl Power is special. And he likes that!

Take control of your body. Learn how it works. Make a plan for your sexual involvement. Protect and grow your Girl Power. Save it for yourself and true love. Be Powerful!

Acknowledgments

Girlology would have never blossomed like it has without some magical connections. We are so grateful for the special people who have been placed in our paths, particularly our energetic and hip editor Amy Hughes who has been wonderfully enthusiastic about Girlology since that first day at Starbucks. We would have never met her without another writer, Marcia Higgins White, who put us in the public eye. The other amazing connection occurred with Jennifer Craig, our legal eagle, Nikki and Abby at Skirt! magazine, and Sally Pascutti and Stephanie Hunt our intuitive wordsmiths. We know how these magical connections really occur, and we are grateful.

We are also indebted to many steadfast cheerleaders. Robin Berlinsky, Gina English, Carolyn Evans, Beth Rucker and Beth Cairns have provided great ideas and energy. We relied heavily on the awesome mom-daughter groups who provided critical review, insight and suggestions. They include Lyn, Rachel and Sarah Neil; Laura, Megan and Jamie Spinella; Susan Simonian and Katie Houle. We also appreciate the patience and support of our colleagues at Charleston Pediatrics and East Cooper Women’s Center.

We’d each like to thank our parents for their unwavering support and tolerance of our “openness.” We love you dearly. Our husbands, also tolerant and unconditionally loving, have been incredibly patient and encouraging. Thanks Michael and Steve for keeping it all together while cheering us on. Our daughters, Emily, Caroline, Ella, Anne Claire and Maehler, have been our inspiration. We hope each of you will grow up to be confident and secure with your power and not be embarrassed that your moms go around talking about puberty and sexuality.

Finally, we are most appreciative of the thousands of mothers who have trusted us to start important conversations with their daughters, and to the daughters who have taught us so much. Keep on talking!

About the Authors

In a casual conversation one day, Dr. Melisa Holmes, an ob-gyn and Dr. Trish Hutchison, a pediatrician, laughed about how often mothers seem to stiffen with fear when the topics of puberty and sexuality come up. “How do I start the conversation?” “What do I say?” “Can I just bring my child to you and let you give her the talk?” These questions are a daily occurrence in both of their offices. Fortunately, moms have come to the right place because Drs. Holmes and Hutchison are both passionate about helping girls feel good about and understand their changing bodies.

In over twenty years of combined experience as popular, overbooked physicians, Dr. Holmes and Hutchison have answered these questions innumerable times. Now they can’t believe how much fun they have providing programs to families to help get these conversations started!

Since 2002, these physicians have developed two programs for mother-daughter pairs, a series of classes for older teens (males and females), and several programs for parents only. All of their classes fill up rapidly and each class generates a new group of waiting participants for the next program. The demand has spread far beyond their hometown of Charleston, South Carolina and beyond what these two practicing physicians can offer.

Dr. Holmes is a native of Atlanta, Georgia, a magna cum laude graduate of the University of Georgia, and a graduate of the Medical College of Georgia. Following her ob-gyn internship and residency at the Medical College of Virginia, Melisa joined the faculty at the Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) in Charleston where she holds joint appointments in Obstetrics/Gynecology and Pediatrics, and has been named among the Best Doctors in America. During her twelve years of clinical practice, she was director of the MUSC Teen Clinic and founder and director of the Sexual Assault Follow-up Evaluation (SAFE) clinic. As a nationally recognized advocate for adolescent health, she has served on the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology Committee on Adolescent Health Care, and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. She has written numerous peer-reviewed scientific papers in the medical literature, as well as textbook chapters on a variety of subjects related to adolescent gynecology and care of the sexual assault victim. In the medical community, she is a nationally recognized speaker on topics of adolescent gynecology, teen sexuality, interpersonal violence, and other issues in women’s health. Her daughter Emily has been a special consultant to Girlology, her middle daughter, Caroline, knows her time is coming soon, and her youngest, Ella (still a baby) will keep Dr. Holmes in touch with girls for a long time to come.

Dr. Hutchison is a South Carolina girl. She grew up in Rock Hill, graduated cum laude from the College of Charleston and earned her M.D. at the Medical University of South Carolina. After completing her Pediatrics internship and residency at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Trish came back to Charleston, where she was in private practice for ten years. She currently practices in the Adolescent Medicine Department at MUSC where she directs Girls2Women, a young women’s health center. She, too, has been named among the Best Doctors in America. She developed her interest in adolescents during years of peer counseling and youth mentoring. Today, she continues to enjoy the challenges and rewards of adolescent medicine. In her community, her practice has always been full of adolescent girls and boys. She has an amazing way with teens and at the same time earns their parents unwavering respect and trust. She is recognized as a wonderful resource in her community for health-