'That boy was in one hell of a fight,' he said.
'Yes, he was.'
'Did he work from models? It ain't like no eagle I ever saw. You'd have to be out in the wild and just seen the bird after it got out of a mix-up to get that look.'
'Or, possibly, see it in a man's face, and project it onto a bird's. But he'd been out West. He'd been all over, doing his paintings. He'd been all over the world, to Harvard, in a war, in every major peace demonstration, on committees, and the illustrator of a best-selling book by the time he was twenty-five.'
'Is he using the eagle as his country?'
'I don't know. Possibly. I suspect that such a bird would be less alive, more rigid. This bird is too alive to be symbolic. Maybe it's his own revulsion for bloodshed he's displaying. I don't see much heroic about that bird, I see a shaken survivor. But I don't think you can know too much from it.'
'Yes, ma'am,' said Bob.
'For some reason, he had to finish this painting. Or finish the bird. He showed up late, in a pickup truck. He was dirty and sweaty. I asked him what he was doing? He said, 'Mother, don't worry, I can handle it.' I asked him what he was doing here. He said he had to finish the bird.
'Then he came out here and he painted for seven straight hours. I had seen the preliminary sketches. It was different, conventional. Good, but nothing inspired. On that last night, this is the one place he had to go, the one thing he had to do.'
'Can you tell me about him? Was he different after he got back from England? What was going on with him, ma'am?'
'Did something happen to him? Is that what you're asking?'
'Yes, ma'am. The intelligence officer I spoke to about all this said that the security services monitoring him believed he'd changed in England.'
'They kept a watch on all the bad boys, didn't they?'
'They sure tried.'
They walked outside, where a few more rustic pieces of furniture languished. She sat.
'He was burnt out by seventy. He'd been marching since sixty-five. I think like all the young people then, it was more of a party than a crusade. Sex, drugs, all that.
What young people do. What we would have done in the forties if we hadn't had a war to win. But by seventy, I had never seen him so low. All the marching, the jail sentences, the times he was beaten up, the people he'd seen used up: it seemed to do no good. There was still a war, boys were still getting killed, they were still using napalm.
He was traveling, also painting, he had a place in Washington, he was everywhere. He spent four months in jail in 1968 and was indicted two more times. He was very heroic, in his way, and if you believed in his cause. But it wore him out. And there was the problem with Jack. That is, his father, who was forced by circumstance and perhaps inclination to accept the government's view of the war.
His father was still in the State Department and was, I suppose, actively engaged in planning some aspect of the war. Jack and Trig had been so close once, but by the end of the sixties they weren't even talking. He once said to me, 'I never thought that decent, kind man who raised me would turn out to be evil by every value I hold dear, but that's what has happened.' Rather a cruel judgment, I thought, for Jack had always loved and supported Trig, and I think he felt Trig's alienation more painfully than anyone. I do know that Trig's death ultimately killed Jack, too. He died three years later. He never really recovered.
He was a casualty of that war, too, I suppose. It was such a cruel war, wasn't it?'
'Yes, ma'am. You were telling me about 1970. Trig goes to England.'
'Yes, I was, wasn't I?
'I need to get out of here,' he said. I have to get away from it.' He took a year at the Ruskin School of Fine Art at Oxford. Do you know Oxford, Mr. Swagger?'
'No, ma'am,' said Bob.
'He really was a wonderful artist. I think it had more to do with his decision just to get out, though, than with any particular artistic need.'
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Well, somehow, for some reason, it worked. He came back more excited, more dedicated, more passionate and more compassionate than I'd seen him since 1965. This was the early winter of 1971. He had evidently made some personal discoveries of a profound nature over there. He met some kind of mentor. I believe the name was Fitzpatrick, some charismatic Irishman. The two of them were going to end the war, somehow. It was so uncharacteristic of Trig, who was so cautious, so Harvard. But whatever this Fitzpatrick had sold him on, it somehow transfigured Trig. He came back obsessed with ending the war, but also obsessed with pacifism. He had never formally been a pacifist before, though he was never an aggressive or a brutal young man. But now he formally believed in pacifism.
I felt he was on the verge of something, possibly something great, possibly something tragic. I felt he was capable of dousing himself with gasoline on the Pentagon steps and setting himself aflame. He was dangerously close to martyrdom. We were very worried.'
'Yet he was planning something else. He obviously was planning the bombing.'
'Mr. Swagger, let me tell you what has haunted me all these years. My son was incapable of taking a human life.
He simply would not do it. How he ended up dynamiting a building with a man inside it is beyond my capacity to understand. I understand that it was meant to be a 'symbolic act of defiance,' against property and not against flesh. Yet another man was killed. Ralph Goldstein, a young mathematics teaching assistant, a name largely lost to history, I'm afraid. You see it in none of the books about my son's martyrdom, but I got a wretched note from
