The World According to Garp

mentioning what he took to be the utter assholery of her father, Fat Stew.

“Haven't you ever been here before?” Cushie asked Garp.

“Maybe with my mother,” Garp said, “but it's been a while.” Of course he knew what “the cannons” were. The pet phrase at Steering was “getting banged at the cannons'—as in “I got banged at the cannons last weekend,” or “You should have seen old Fenley blasting away at the cannons.” Even the cannons themselves bore these informal inscriptions: “Paul banged Betty, '58,” and “M. Overton, '59, shot his wad here.”

Across the languid river Garp watched the golfers from the Steering Country Club. Even far away, their ridiculous clothing looked unnatural against the green fairway and beyond the marsh grass that grew down to the mudflats. Their madras prints and plaids among the green-brown, gray-brown shoreline made them look like cautious and out-of-place land animals following their hopping white dots across a lake. “Jesus, golf is silly,” Garp said. His thesis of games with balls and clubs, again; Cushie had heard it before and wasn't interested. She settled down in a soft place—the river below them, bushes around them, and over their shoulders the yawning mouths of the great cannons. Garp looked up into the mouth of the nearest cannon and was startled to see the head of a smashed doll, one glassy eye on him.

Cushie unbuttoned his shirt and lightly bit his nipples.

“I like you,” she said.

“I like you, Cushion,” he said.

“Does it spoil it?” Cushie asked him. “Us being old friends?”

“Oh no,” he said. He hoped they would hurry ahead to “it” because it had never happened to Garp before, and he was counting on Cushie for her experience. They kissed wetly in the well-pounded grass; Cushie was an open-mouthed kisser, artfully jamming her hard little teeth into his.

Honest, even at this age, Garp tried to mumble to her that he thought her father was an idiot.

“Of course he is,” Cushie agreed. “Your mother's a little strange, too, don't you think?”

Well, yes, Garp supposed she was. “But I like her anyway,” he said, most faithful of sons. Even then.

“Oh, I like her, too,” Cushie said. Thus having said what was necessary, Cushie undressed. Garp undressed, but she asked him, suddenly, “Come on, where is it?”

Garp panicked. Where was what? He'd thought she was holding it.

“Where's your thing?” Cushie demanded, tugging what Garp thought was his thing.

“What?” Garp said.

“Oh wow, didn't you bring any?” Cushie asked him. Garp wondered what he was supposed to have brought.

“What?” he said.

“Oh, Garp,” Cushie said. “Don't you have any rubbers?”

He looked apologetically at her. He was only a boy who'd lived his whole life with his mother, and the only rubber he'd seen had been slipped over the doorknob of their apartment in the infirmary annex, probably by a fiendish boy named Meckler—long since graduated and gone on to destroy himself.

Still, he should have known: Garp had heard much conversation of rubbers, of course.

“Come here,” Cushie said. She led him to the cannons. “You've never done this, have you?” she asked him. He shook his head, honest to his sheepish core. “Oh, Garp,” she said. “If you weren't such an old friend.” She smiled at him, but he knew she wouldn't let him do it, now. She pointed into the mouth of the middle cannon. “Look,” she said. He looked. A jewel-like sparkle of ground glass, like pebbles he imagined might make up a tropical beach; and something else, not so pleasant. “Rubbers,” Cushle told him.

The cannon was crammed with old condoms. Hundreds of prophylactics! A display of arrested reproduction. Like dogs urinating around the borders of their territory, the boys of the Steering School had left their messes in the mouth of the mammoth cannon guarding the Steering River. The modern world had left its stain upon another historical landmark.

Cushie was getting dressed. “You don't know anything,” she teased him, “so what are you going to write about?” He had suspected this would pose a problem for a few years—a kink in his career plans.

He was about to get dressed but she made him lie down so that she could look at him. “You are beautiful,” she said. “And it's all right.” She kissed him.

“I can go get some rubbers,” he said. “It wouldn't take long, would it? And we could come back.”

“My train leaves at five,” Cushie said, but she smiled sympathetically.

“I didn't think you had to be back at any special time,” Garp said.

“Well, even Dibbs has some rules, you know,” Cushie said; she sounded hurt by her school's lax reputation. “And besides,” she said, “you see Helen. I know you do, don't you?”

“Not like this,” he admitted.

“Garp, you shouldn't tell anybody everything,” Cushie said.

It was a problem with his writing, too; Mr. Tinch had told him.

“You're too serious, all the time,” Cushie said, because for once she was in a position where she could lecture him.

On the river below them an eight-oared shell sleeked through the narrow channel of water remaining in The Gut and rowed toward the Steering boathouse before the tide went out and left them without enough water to get home on.

Then Garp and Cushie saw the golfer. He had come down through the marsh grass on the other side of the river; with his violet madras slacks rolled up above his knees, he waded into the mud flats where the tide had already receded. Ahead of him, on the wetter mud flats, lay his golf ball, perhaps six feet from the edge of the remaining water. Gingerly, the golfer stepped forward, but the mud now rose above his calf; using his golf club for balance, he dipped the shiny head into the muck and swore.

“Harry, come back!” someone called to him. It was his golfing partner, a man dressed with equal vividness, knee-length shorts of a green that no grass ever was and yellow knee socks. The golfer called Harry grimly stepped closer to his ball. He looked like a rare aquatic bird pursuing its egg in an oil slick.

“Harry, you're going to sink in that shit!” his friend warned him. It was then that Garp recognized Harry's partner: the man in green and yellow was Cushie's father, Fat Stew.

“It's a new ball!” Harry yelled; then his left leg disappeared, up to the hip; trying to turn back, Harry lost his balance and sat down. Quickly, he was mired to his waist, his frantic face very red above his powder-blue shirt— bluer than any sky. He waved his club but it slipped out of his hand and sailed into the mud, inches from his ball, impossibly white and forever out of Harry's reach.

“Help!” Harry screamed. But on all fours he was able to move a few feet toward Fat Stew and the safety of shore. “It feels like eels!” he cried. He moved forward on the trunk of his body, using his arms the way a seal on land will use its flippers. An awful slorping noise pursued him through the mud flats, as if beneath the mud some mouth was gasping to suck him in.

Garp and Cushie stifled their laughter in the bushes. Harry made his last lunge for shore. Stewart Percy, trying to help, stepped on the mud flats with just one foot and promptly lost a golf shoe and a yellow sock to the suction.

“Ssshhh! And lie still,” Cushie demanded. They both noticed Garp was erect. “Oh, that's too bad,” Cushie whispered, looking sadly at his erection, but when he tried to tug her down in the grass with him, she said, “I don't want babies, Garp. Not even yours. And yours might be a Jap baby, you know,” Cushie said. “And I surely don't want one of those.”

“What?” Garp said. It was one thing not to know about rubbers, but what's this about Jap babies? he wondered.

“Ssshhh,” Cushie whispered. “I'm going to give you something to write about.”

The furious golfers were already slashing their way through the marsh grass, back to the immaculate fairway, when Cushie's mouth nipped the edge of Garp's tight belly button. Garp was never sure if his actual memory was jolted by that word Jap, and if at that moment he truly recalled bleeding in the Percys' house—little Cushie telling her parents that “Bonkie bit Garp” (and the scrutiny the child Garp had undergone in front of the naked Fat Stew). It may have been then that Garp remembered Fat Stew saying he had Jap eyes, and a view of his personal history clicked into perspective; regardless, at this moment Garp resolved to ask his mother for