And Loving It!

to within an inch of your lowest form of life!”

“You and who else!” Brattleboro sneered.

“Me and my ferry boat, that’s who!”

Furious, Brattleboro grabbed the crank and began hoisting the bucket from the well. Max and 99 were tossed about. The moonlight, reflected in the hand mirror, flashed in 99’s eyes.

“Max!” she cried suddenly. “Where am I?”

“I couldn’t say exactly, 99. Somewhere between Staten Island and lower Manhattan, but that’s as much as I can tell you.”

“Max, why, for heaven’s sake, would I be there?”

“Because that’s where the Staten- 99, you are the Staten Island Ferry, aren’t you?”

She stared at him. “The Staten Island Ferry! Max, I’m 99! Don’t you remember me? Did Guru Optimo hypnotize you?”

“I’ll explain it later, 99,” Max replied. “Right now, I have to-”

V. T. Brattleboro reached into the bucket, got Max by an arm, yanked, and hurled him across the dungeon, where he splattered against a stone wall, then dropped in a heap to the stone floor.

“Call me a lowest form of life, will you!” Brattleboro said, outraged.

Dazed, Max struggled to his feet. He shook his head, clearing his vision. “Not only are you a lowest form of life,” he responded, “but you are also unclean, irreverent, untrustworthy-”

“Don’t try to win me over with compliments now,” Brattleboro snarled.

“-and nasty to your mother!”

Brattleboro charged.

Max sidestepped and dropped him with a karate chop.

Stunned, Brattleboro dragged himself slowly to his knees.

“Max, we’re supposed to be working together,” 99 said. “Why are you two fighting?”

“Because our friend almost fed us to the crocodiles.”

“I don’t remember that, Max. When did it happen?”

“While you were the Staten Island Ferry, 99.”

“Max! Are you going to start that again! I have never been the Staten Island Ferry!”

“Ed Sullivan is going to be very unhappy to hear that, 99.”

Brattleboro had regained his feet.

“Max! Watch out!” 99 cried.

Max and Brattleboro hit each other with karate chops at the same instant. They dropped to the floor together and lay side by side, unconscious.

99 shook them. “Max. . Brattleboro. . get up!”

Max opened his eyes. “Well, I lost fairly, anyway,” he said. “That’s something.”

Brattleboro opened his eyes. “Well, I lost unfairly, anyway,” he said. “That’s something.”

“It was a draw,” 99 informed them. “You both lost.”

Max and Brattleboro jumped to their feet and raised their hands to karate chop each other again.

“Stop it!” 99 said. “You’re acting like children!”

“He started it,” Max pouted. “The first thing he did when we landed on the island was try to kill us!”

“A little joke-all in fun,” Brattleboro said. “How did I know you’d misunderstand. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known you were going to shoot back at me with a machine gun.”

“All right, your apology is accepted,” Max replied. “But what about when you were dropping us into that well in that bucket.”

“I don’t remember that, Max,” 99 said.

“It didn’t happen. He made it up,” Brattleboro said to her.

“Max, you shouldn’t make up stories,” 99 said.

“Stories? 99, I remember clearly that-” He interrupted himself, looking puzzledly at Brattleboro. “Why aren’t you squirming and giggling any more?” he said. “I saw Guru Optimo zop you with a spell.”

“While he was zopping me with a spell, I was zopping him with a spell,” Brattleboro explained.

“I don’t think I quite understand that.”

“Well, as he hypnotized me into thinking I was ticklish, I hypnotized him into thinking that he had hypnotized me into thinking I was ticklish. But, actually, his zop was canceled out by my zop. So, although I had hypnotized him into thinking he had hypnotized me into thinking I was ticklish, actually, I wasn’t hypnotized at all-he was. Clear?”

“No. But forget it. Let’s go back to where you were dropping us into the well. That was your second attempt to try to kill us.”

“Only teasing,” Brattleboro said. “I would have pulled you out.”

“You pulled us out only because you were angry about me calling you a lowest form of life.”

“Just a minute, Max,” 99 said. “Why don’t I remember any of this?”

Max explained. He told her everything that had happened since Guru Optimo had hypnotized her.

“Well. . I still don’t remember it,” she said.

“But you believe me, don’t you?”

“Yes, Max, of course. That is, all except the part about me being the Staten Island Ferry. That’s preposterous.”

“I agree,” Brattleboro said. “You shouldn’t make up stories, Max.”

Max raised his hand to deliver a karate chop.

“No, Max!” 99 intervened.

“All right,” Max said grudgingly. “I’m willing to forget everything that’s happened up ’til now and declare a truce. But he’ll have to stop trying to kill us.”

“Do you agree?” 99 said to Brattleboro.

“I agree-Max is willing to forget everything that’s happened up ’til now.”

“And the rest, too.”

“Okay-and he’ll have to stop trying to kill us.”

“No,” 99 said, “you’ll have to stop trying to kill us.

“I promise-for what it’s worth,” Brattleboro replied.

“Say ‘We’ll all be friends and we’ll work together,’ ” 99 insisted.

Brattleboro put a hand behind his back and crossed his fingers. “We’ll all be friends and we’ll work together,” he said.

“Now, you, Max.”

Max put a hand behind his back and crossed his fingers, “Ditto,” he said.

“Good,” 99 beamed. “Now, what next?”

Max pointed to Brattleboro. “I think we better bind him and gag him and hide him somewhere before he double-crosses us again,” he said.

“Max!”

“That wouldn’t be very smart,” Brattleboro said. “I couldn’t tell you my plan if I were gagged.”

Max eyed him suspiciously. “What plan?”

“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this case,” Brattleboro replied, “and this is the way it looks to me. I think the real danger is not Guru Optimo, but Lucky Bucky Buckley. When Guru Optimo is alone, he’s probably harmless. It’s Buckley’s influence over him that makes him a threat to civilization as we know it. Right?”

“Maybe yes and maybe no,” Max replied. “What’s your plan?”

“We heard Buckley say that they were going to bed,” Brattleboro continued. “That means that, right now, they’re in separate rooms. Buckley will be in his bedroom, and Guru Optimo will be in his bedroom. In other words, at this particular moment, Buckley is unable to work his influence on Guru Optimo. Right?”

“I’d rather not commit myself,” Max replied. “What about the plan?”

“We’ll separate,” Brattleboro said. “You and 99 will look for Buckley’s room. And I’ll look for Guru Optimo’s room. When we find them, we’ll destroy them both.”

“Why didn’t you just say that? Why all that involved explanation?” Max asked.

“I’m a fuzzy thinker.”