And Loving It!

Max: The Chief’s number!

Operator: You still remember him, eh? The dancing lessons didn’t help?

Max: Supervisor!

(click)

Chief: Control. . Chief here.

Max: Chief, you didn’t let me finish. When I said I wanted to say goodbye, I didn’t mean goodbye for now, I meant goodbye forever. Chief, the fact of the matter is, that mission you sent us on isn’t working out exactly as planned. Instead of us recapturing Guru Optimo, Lucky Bucky Buckley has captured us-that is, two thirds of us, anyway. We haven’t seen V. T. Brattleboro since we landed on the island. But 99 and I are in a bucket that is suspended over a well, and the well is filled with crocodiles and boiling oil, and our bucket is dropping!

Chief: Then I think you made a very wise decision, Max.

Max: Decision? What decision?

Chief: To call and say goodbye forever.

Operator: You should have heard that story the first time he told it, Chiefy. He had the Staten Island Ferry in it.

Max: Stay out of this, Operator. Chief, what she means is that Guru Optimo hypnotized 99 into thinking that she’s the Staten Island Ferry. Incidentally, Chief, what do you do for empty bilges?

Chief: Max, offhand, I’d say that that’s not your main problem. You better worry about getting out of that bucket. Can’t you jump out?

Max: There’s a guard here, Chief.

Chief: Maybe V. T. Brattleboro will show up in the nick of time and save you.

Max: Chief, the first thing he did when we landed on the island was try to kill us.

Chief: Well, I just don’t have any other suggestions, Max. But don’t give up. Keep thinking. Maybe you’ll work it out. If you do, give me a call and tell me how you did it. If you don’t. . well, don’t bother to call.

Max: Thank you for those encouraging words, Chief.

Chief: And say goodbye forever to 99 for me.

Max: Actually, Chief, 99 may come out of this all right. I’m hoping that when we hit the oil she’ll float.

Operator: Tell her if she does to contact Ed Sullivan the minute she gets out of the well. He’d be crazy to introduce her from the audience.

Max: I’ll tell her. Goodbye, Chief. Goodbye, Operator.

Chief: I won’t say goodbye, Max. I’m sure you’ll think of some way to escape.

Operator: I’ll say goodbye, Max. I don’t think you could think your way out of a paper bag.

Max: Supervisor!

(click)

Max looked over the side of the bucket into the well. “I thought it was getting a little warm in this bucket,” he said. “We’re only about three yards from the hot breaths of those alligators.”

“Crocodiles,” 99 corrected.

“99, if I want to know the difference between a crocodile and an alligator, I’ll go to a better authority than the Staten Island Ferry.”

The bucket dropped another few inches.

“It won’t be long now, 99,” Max said grimly, looking down into the boiling oil again. “If you have any last words, now’s the time to speak up.”

“Tooooot! Tooooot!” 99 whistled.

“Nicely put,” Max nodded.

5

The bucket dropped to below the top rim of the well. Max stood up and looked at the guard speculatively. “I wonder. .” he murmured. “99, if he was hypnotized by a flash of light, why couldn’t he be unhypnotized by a flash of light?”

“Don’t talk to me while I’m docking,” 99 replied. “Docking is a very tricky business.”

“If I had a flash of light, maybe I could flash it in his eyes and break the spell,” Max said. “But where would I get a flash of light?”

“Will you hold still while I’m docking, please,” 99 complained. “You’re rocking the boat.”

“Sorry, 99. I was shifting around because of that beam of moonlight that’s shining in the dungeon window and hitting me in the eyes.”

“You made me bump the pier.”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“All right. But will you please step out of the way?”

“Pardon?”

“My passengers want to get off.”

“Oh.”

Max moved. The beam of moonlight hit him in the eyes again. “If I could just figure out how to create a flash of light,” he muttered. “But I can’t think with that light in my eyes.”

“Will you move again, please. My Staten Island passengers want to board.”

“Yes. . all right. . Say, would you ask them if they have any idea how I could- The moonlight! Why can’t I use that!” He opened 99’s purse and got her hand mirror from it. Then, holding it up, he caught the reflection of moonlight in it and flashed it against the wall of the dungeon. “Perfect! Now, if I can just flash the light in the guard’s eyes!”

“Will you fasten your seat belt, please,” 99 said. “I’m about to embark.”

“That’s an airliner, 99, not a ferry boat.”

Max flashed the light at the guard, trying to shine it in his eyes. But the guard was squirming too vigorously.

“Man the lifeboats!” 99 cried.

“What seems to be the problem?” Max asked.

“I’m about to ram a lighthouse!”

“99, that isn’t a lighthouse. That’s me. I’m flashing a light around, trying to unhypnotize that guard.”

Again, Max attempted to shine the light in the guard’s eyes. But the guard simply would not hold still long enough. Finally, Max gave up.

“We’re sunk, 99,” he said dismally.

“Shhh! Don’t let my passengers hear you say that!”

“They might as well know the worst. There is no possible way for us to survive. And it’s all the fault of that KAOS agent, V. T. Brattleboro. What a double-dealer! Although, I don’t know why I expected any more. A KAOS agent is the lowest form of life.”

At that instant, the guard, who had been six feet tall, skinny and bareheaded, stopped giggling and squirming, became short, fat and topped by a derby hat, and leaned over the edge of the well and said indignantly, “Oh, yeah!”

“V. T. Brattleboro!”

“Come out from behind that ferry boat and say that!” the KAOS agent said threateningly. “I dare you!”

“So it’s you, is it!” Max replied. “Mister Bad Guy in person! You just pull me out of this well and I’ll thrash you