And Loving It!

“Don’t you like the color of the ceiling, Max?”

“Off-white? How could I complain about that?”

“Then what?”

“I just can’t quite put my finger on it, 99.”

“Well, you’ll be able to soon, Max. At the rate it’s descending, I’d say that the ceiling will be within finger reach in about ten minutes.”

Frowning, Max looked about. He suddenly brightened. “That’s it, 99! Look-the door is disappearing!”

99 glanced toward the door. Only about half of it was still visible. The lower half seemed to have sunk below the floor.

“I don’t see why that pleases you so, Max. What good is half a door?”

“That’s not the point, 99. The point is, the ceiling is not descending!”

“Then how do you explain the fact that it’s getting lower?”

“It isn’t, 99. It’s an optical illusion.”

“You mean we’re not going to be crushed, Max?”

“Oh no, we’re going to be crushed, all right. But not because the ceiling is descending. It’s because the floor is rising. That explains why the door is disappearing.”

“Oh.”

“99, that’s a very important discovery. But you don’t seem very interested.”

“Max, if I’m going to be squashed between the ceiling and the floor, I don’t see what difference it’s going to make to me in the long run whether the ceiling is rising and the floor is descending or the floor is rising and the ceiling is descending or vice versa or anything else.”

“That’s shortsighted of you, 99. It so happens that the difference may make the difference between life and death. You see, if the ceiling were descending, we could assume that the force of gravity was being used to lower it. But the floor could not be raised by gravity, could it?”

“I don’t think so, Max.”

“Do you understand what I’m getting at, 99? A mechanical power, obviously, is being used to raise the floor. What does that suggest?”

“It’s time to duck, Max.”

“Pardon.”

“The ceiling is going to bump you on the head.”

“Oh.”

Max and 99 sat down on the floor.

“To continue,” Max said, “it means that the mechanical apparatus that is raising the floor is probably being operated by some sort of electric motor.”

“Is that what you were getting at, Max? I could have told you that.”

“I see,” he replied shortly. “And what brilliant reasoning did you use, 99, to figure it out?”

“I heard the motor go on when the ceiling began to descend.”

“I told you, 99-the ceiling is not descending, the floor is rising.”

“Well, whichever.”

“You’ve caught Brattleboro’s fuzzy thinking, 99.”

“Max, what good is it going to do us to know that the mechanical apparatus is operated by an electric motor?”

“Guess, 99. What should we do next?”

“Duck again, Max.”

They flattened themselves on the floor.

“And what else, 99?”

“Send out for syrup?”

“I don’t quite follow that, 99.”

“In a very few minutes, Max, we’re going to be flatter than a couple of pancakes.”

Max shook his head. “That’s not it. The thing to do now is contact the Chief and have him contact the Electric Company and have the Electric Company shut off the electric power to the island.”

“Max! That’s a brilliant idea!”

Max got his shoe phone and dialed. “Let’s just hope the Chief’s line isn’t busy,” he said.

Operator: Number, please.

Max: It’s me, Operator. Connect me with the Chief.

Operator: Me who?

Max: Me Max.

Operator: The Max who was dropped into a well of boiling oil and devoured by crocodiles? Where are you calling from?

Max: From a Squash Room, Operator. Will you connect me with the Chief, please.

Operator: How did they get the Squash Room into a crocodile?

Max: They didn’t. And I don’t have time to discuss it. 99 and I are about to be ground between the upper and nether millstones. So connect me with the Chief.

Operator: One moment please.

(click)

Chief: Control. . Chief here.

Operator: It’s Max calling, Chief. He and 99 are going to pretend to be dirt.

Chief: What?

Max: Operator, I said no such thing!

Operator: You said you were about to be ground.

Chief: Did you say that, Max? If you’re going to use that shoe phone to talk nonsense to the operator, I’m afraid I’ll have to take it away from you. It’s not a toy.

Max: Chief, what I told the operator was that 99 and I are about to be ground between the upper and nether millstones. And what I meant by that was, we’re trapped in a Squash Room and the floor is rising toward the ceiling. We are, in short, about to be squashed!

Chief: Oh. How did you get out of the boiling oil, Max?

Operator: How did you get out of the crocodile, Max?

Max: That isn’t important. Chief, I have a favor to ask. Would you please call the Electric Company. I want-

Chief: Just a minute, Max. I’ll have to use the other phone.

Max: All right. (A sound of dialing, then of muffled conversation)

Chief: Okay, Max, I called the Electric Company. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Max: Tell them-

Chief: Max, I don’t still have them on the line. You just said to call them.

Operator: This is fun! Call the Gas Company next, Chief.

Max: Operator, stay out of this! It’s a matter of life and death! Chief, call the Electric Company back. Tell them to shut off the power to this island! There isn’t a second to lose!

Chief: Why didn’t you tell me that the first time, Max. I’ll feel silly calling them again.

Max: Chief, please. They probably don’t know who it was the first time.

Chief: Sure they do. I said, hello, this is the Chief. And they said, hello, this is the Electric Company. And I said, how’re things at the Electric Company? And they said, fine, how’re things at the Chief place? And I said, great, and then we couldn’t think of anything more to say.

Max: Swallow your pride, Chief. Call again.

Chief: I’ll do it. But I’m going to tell them I’m you.

(Sound of dialing and muffled conversation again)