The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“Three one-way tickets to Vladivostok!” Max said. “And snap to it!”

“Oh. . there you are,” the ticket clerk said. “I hope you enjoyed your stay in Alexandria. Did you see the sights?”

“What we saw was Paris and Madrid,” Max replied.

The clerk nodded knowingly. “Some of these guided tours do get a bit off the beaten track,” he said.

“Just give us our tickets,” Max said impatiently.

The clerk opened a drawer and got out three prestamped tickets. “I saved these for you from yesterday,” he said.

“Are they still good?”

The clerk sniffed the tickets. “Oh, a bit musty from being in the drawer,” he said. “But they’ll air out by the time you get to the plane.”

Max snatched the tickets and he and 99 and von BOOM rushed from the terminal and boarded the plane. They were just in time. As soon as they were in their seats, the doors closed and the airliner taxied out for a take- off.

“Max, the past twenty-four hours have been a total loss,” 99 said. “If we’d just stayed here, at least we could have got some sleep.”

“Don’t be a cranky secret agent, 99. Nobody likes a cranky secret agent.”

“Besides, it wasn’t a total total loss,” von BOOM said. “I had a small adventure. How many small adventures does a scientist have in a lifetime?”

“What small adventure is that, Professor?” 99 asked.

“Being chased down the street in Spain by hundreds and hundreds of fierce bulls. What a story to tell the folks back home!”

“I don’t think I’d mention it if I were you, Professor,” Max advised.

“Really? Why not?”

“Because of the comment. If I know anything about the folks back home, somebody is bound to say, ‘That’s a lot of bulls.’ ”

Von BOOM looked thoughtful, then nodded. “You’re right-I’ll forget it.” he said.

7

When the airliner reached Vladivostok, Max, 99 and von BOOM got off as quickly as possible, hurried in one door of the terminal and out the other door, got into a taxi, and ordered the driver to take them to the railroad station.

“Max, aren’t we doing more rushing than is necessary,” 99 complained. “We haven’t seen a KAOS agent since we were aboard that ship.”

“That doesn’t mean that they’re not all around us, 99. We’re not supposed to see them. KAOS is a secret organization, you know.”

“But, Max, if they’re all around us, why haven’t they tried to abduct Professor von BOOM?”

“I told you, 99, they’re a secret organization. That’s their secret.”

“Max, I think we’ve lost them-completely.”

Max looked mildly troubled. “I wish I could confer with the Chief,” he said. “He certainly picked an inconvenient time to go on vacation.”

“Max, I’m sure you can contact him by shoe-phone. He wouldn’t leave on vacation without telling someone where he was going. Suppose HIM wanted to get in touch with him?”

“You may be right, 99. I’ll try.”

Max removed his shoe and dialed.

Operator: Maxie, did you get permission to take the Telephone Company’s shoe to Russia?

Max: I have the Chief’s permission, Operator. And speaking-

Operator: Oh sure, he’d give you his permission. It isn’t his shoe. Why should he care? Nobody cares about our telephone but us.

Max: That’s not true, Operator. I care about it. Now-

Operator: If you care about it, Max, how is it that you can walk all over it?

Max: I’m not going to get involved in a silly argument with you, Operator. Connect me with the Chief. And don’t tell me he’s on vacation. I know that. But I also know that you know where he is. So, just get him on the phone, and don’t give me a lot of guff.

Operator (timidly): Did you get up on the wrong side of the world this morning, Max?

Max: Operator-

Operator: All right, all right.

(clicks and buzzes)

Chief: Aloha! Chief here. .

Max: Aloha, Chief? You mean while I’m chasing around the world, fighting off sand storms, river pirates and bulls, you’re basking in the sun in Hawaii? Is that fair, Chief? After all-

Chief: Max, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. This isn’t exactly a vacation I’m on. It’s more of a working vacation. I’m- Just a moment, Max. I want to turn over. I’m getting a little too brown on that side. All right. . now, why did you call, Max? Trouble?

Max: No, Chief. That’s the trouble.

Chief: Could you give me that again, Max? We must have a bad connection.

Max: I said our trouble is that we’re not getting any trouble. We haven’t encountered a KAOS agent in days, Chief. Doesn’t that strike you as a little suspicious?

Chief: Mmmmm. . you’re right, Max. It might mean, of course, that you’ve been so clever that you’ve eluded them completely. But-

Operator: Aw, come on, Chief!

Chief: As I was about to say, but that hardly seems likely. It must be some kind of a maneuver, Max. They must be planning something. Maybe they’re waiting for just the right moment to strike. You better stay on your toes.

Operator: Don’t you dare, Max! You might bend our shoe!

Chief: The only thing I can suggest, Max, is that you play it by ear. If you’re suddenly attacked by a horde of KAOS agents, you’ll know that, until now, they’ve been playing cat and mouse. And your trouble-that is, your lack of trouble-will be over-one way or the other. But, on the other hand, if you reach the North Pole without seeing any more KAOS agents, you’ll know that you’ve out-foxed them. It could happen, Max. It’s a crazy world.

Operator: Not that crazy, Chief. You’d better get in out of that sun.

Max: All right, Chief. Thanks for the advice-I think. And. . aloha, Chief. .

By then, the cab had reached the railroad station. Max, 99 and von BOOM got out and entered the terminal. Max bought tickets for two compartments-one for 99 and one for himself and von BOOM-on the Trans Siberian Railway, and soon after that they boarded the train. Max and von BOOM left 99 at her compartment, then entered their own compartment, which was next door. A few minutes later, the train whistle blew, then the train began moving slowly out of the station.

“Very odd,” Max muttered, settling in a seat. “I took a very close look at every person we met from the time we left that taxi to the time we reached this compartment and not one of them looked anything like a KAOS agent.”

“What does a KAOS agent look like?” von BOOM asked.