The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“Why don’t you call from the car on the way to the coast?” von BOOM suggested.

“Because we’re going to walk,” Max replied. “This is a secret mission. If we hired a car, we could be traced. Don’t forget, KAOS is still hot on our trail. So, we have to slip out of town without being seen. We can’t leave any leads that KAOS might follow.”

“You’re right, Max,” 99 said.

“Of course I am. Now, let’s get going. I’ll telephone the Chief as soon as we get on the road.”

With Max in the lead, they started toward the exit. But on the way he stopped at the ticket desk.

“Excuse me,” Max said to the clerk, “but could you tell me the way to the coast?”

“East coast or west coast?”

“The closest one to Alaska.”

“That’s the east coast,” the clerk replied. “It’s just east of here.”

“Thank you.”

Max started out again, then turned back.

“Ah. . which way is east?” he asked.

The clerk pointed.

“Thank you again,” Max said.

As they left the station, 99 said, “Max, won’t the KAOS agents be able to trace us by talking to that ticket clerk?”

Max halted. He thought a moment, then replied, “You might be right, 99. Just a second.”

He returned to the ticket desk, spoke to the clerk again, then rejoined 99 and von BOOM.

“It’s all taken care of, 99,” Max said. “This time, I asked for directions to the west coast. So, any information he gives the KAOS agents will only confuse them.”

Max, 99 and von BOOM made their way through the town. When they reached the countryside, they stopped again, and Max took off his shoe and dialed.

Chief: Chief here. .

Max: Aloha, Chief. Wicky-wacky and all that.

Chief: Nevermind the aloha, Max. I’m back in Washington. I had to cut my vacation short. I got an urgent call from HIM. A crisis is afoot.

Max (surprised): Is that what it is! I always thought a crisis was an emergency. Well, live and learn. Right foot or left foot, Chief?

Chief: Max, what I meant was- Nevermind. A crisis is an emergency. Now, why are you calling? Have you lost von BOOM?

Max: I’d rather hear about the crisis, Chief. Is it anything important?

Chief: Max, I don’t know what it is. All I know is, I got a call from HIM. He ordered me to return to Washington immediately and to stand by. That’s what I’m doing.

Max: Oh, Chief. . why don’t you call him and ask him what the crisis is? I’d think the suspense-

Chief: Max! Forget it! Just tell me why you called.

Max: I’m on my way to the coast, Chief, and I want a submarine to meet us and transport us to Alaska. We can’t wade to Alaska, you know, Chief.

Chief: I’m aware of that, Max. Where do you want the sub to meet you?

Max: On the beach.

Chief: But where, Max?

Max: Straight east from the railroad station.

Chief: All right. I’ll get in touch with the Navy and have them send the sub. Is that all, Max?

Max: Chief, how’s this for an idea? Suppose I call HIM and tell him how anxious you are to know what the crisis is? He probably doesn’t realize how worried you are.

Chief: I’m not worried, Max.

Max: Not worried? Chief, don’t you realize there’s a crisis afoot?

(The line went dead.)

“What crisis, Max?” 99 asked, as Max hung up.

“Nobody knows, 99. Not even HIM HIMself.” He looked up the road. “We better get a move on,” he said. “We don’t want to keep that submarine waiting.”

Max, 99 and von BOOM walked all day, and then all evening. Then, shortly after dark, Max called them to a halt. He cupped an ear.

“What is it, Max?” 99 whispered.

“Either the bathtub is running over or we’re near the ocean,” Max replied.

99 and von BOOM listened.

“It is the ocean, Max, ” 99 said. “We’ve reached the coast.”

Slowly, cautiously, Max, 99 and von BOOM proceeded. Soon they felt sand underfoot. A while later, they heard a sound.

“It must be the sub, Max,” 99 whispered.

“I doubt it, 99. A submarine could never get this close to the shore. If it’s anything, it’s an inflatable rubber raft.”

Suddenly they heard a low whistle.

“I was right,” Max said. “It’s an inflatable rubber raft-and it’s leaking air.”

“Maybe that was a signal, Max.”

“We’ll see. Hello, there!” he called. “Is that you?”

A voice came back through the darkness. “This is me. Is that you?”

“You were right, 99-it was a signal,” Max said. “Come on, let’s get aboard the raft.”

They moved silently across the beach in the direction from which the voice had come. Then, in the dimness, they saw the figure of a man.

“I wasn’t sure it was you,” the man said. “I had a tip that the secret police might be waiting for me.”

Max halted. “You mean KAOS?” he said.

“Yeah, man, like chaos and then some. If they caught me smuggling in these rock ’n’ roll records, they’d put the smash on me.”

There was silence for a second. Then Max said, “I think there’s been a little mistake. When I asked you if you were you, why did you let me think you were?”

“I’m me, man,” the voice replied. “What’re you trying to tell me? You mean you’re not you?”

“Of course I’m me,” Max answered sharply. “You’re the one who’s not you.”

“What happened to me, then?” the man asked. “I was me when I left Alaska. Man! I didn’t know it was going to be that kind of trip!”

“Max, could I try?” 99 said.

“Be my guest.”

“You see,” 99 said to the man, “you’re you, but you’re not the you we were expecting. We’re looking for a submarine that-”

“Yeah, I know that sub,” the man broke in. “They got a dock for it about a mile up the coast. It makes regular trips, picking up all the secret agents that it’s their vacation time. They used to park out there in the briny deep and send a rubber raft ashore. But it was a ricky-tick nuisance. So they got themselves some money from Congress and had a harbor dug out and a dock put in. Money’s the answer to everything.”

“That must be where the sub is supposed to meet us, Max,” 99 said.

“You secret agents going on vacation?” the smuggler asked.

“Secret agents only,” Max replied. “I’m Agent 86, this is Agent 99, and this is- Von BOOM? Von BOOM-where are you?”

“You mean that dumpy little fella that looks like he needs a keeper?” the smuggler asked. “He took off. It was right after you got here. I said I’d had a tip about the secret police, and-”