“Is there some way we can find out, Max?”
“We could hold something in front of it. I wouldn’t suggest holding a mind in front of it, though. It just might be a mind-destroying laser beam.” He reached into his pocket. “How about a slightly damp pack of matches?” he said.
“In this case, you’ll have to make the decision, Max.”
“All right, we’ll try it.”
Max held the matches in front of the nozzle. There was a sizzling sound, and they completely disappeared.
“If that had been a mind, it wouldn’t be a mind anymore,” Max said. “What you just saw at work, Hymie, was a mind-destroying laser beam. I know because if it’d been an automatic sprinkler system, I would have had a very wet slightly damp pack of matches right now.”
“How do we get past it, Max?”
“We can’t. A laser beam is impossible to destroy. If you try to hit it with a hammer, you just lose your hammer.”
“Max. . couldn’t we duck down and go under it?”
“Well, yes, if you want to cheat, I suppose you can do that,” Max said. “But if I have to make a choice between losing my mind and cheating- Mmmmmm. . who’ll duck first, Hymie, you or me?”
Together, Max and Hymie crouched, passed the laser beam, then proceeded. But, a few yards on, Max stopped Hymie again.
“Experience proves itself again,” he said, pointing. “There’s another one.”
Hymie studied the nozzle-like protrusion. “Another mind-destroying laser beam?” he asked.
“Aha! You’re wrong!” Max cackled. “That’s because you don’t have my experience, Hymie. I was dealing with KAOS when you were still a gleam in some mechanical engineer’s eye. This is not a mind-destroying laser beam. Look at it a little more closely-but not too closely-and you’ll see that it’s scorched around the opening. Now-what does that suggest?” He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t mean that somebody left the iron on while they went to answer the telephone and the call was from an especially talkative friend. It means, Hymie, that this is a napalm spray. It sprays flame.”
“Well, then-”
“Which reminds me of a little joke,” Max broke in. “What command is given to a firing squad of soldiers who are using napalm sprays?”
“Max, I don’t think-”
“Go on-guess.”
“I don’t know, Max.”
“Ready, aim, fire!”
“That’s the usual command, Max.”
“I know that, Hymie. But when the soldiers are using napalm sprays, the command ‘fire’ has special significance. Because fire comes from the sprayers. Understand?”
Hymie nodded. “That’s very funny, Max.”
“You have a very warped sense of humor, Hymie,” Max said disappointedly. “There’s nothing at all funny about napalm. If you walk in front of that nozzle, for instance, you’ll get yourself burned to a crisp.”
“What shall we do, Max?” Hymie asked patiently.
“Well, we could turn back, and climb out of the pool and get the car out of hiding, and drive into Las Vegas, and see if we could find a store open, and try to buy some asbestos clothing.”
“Isn’t there an easier and faster way, Max?”
“Hymie, I don’t like what’s happening to you. You’re getting so you
They crouched, passed the napalm sprayer, then proceeded.
“I can understand why they don’t have any guards in this corridor,” Hymie said.
“You’re right-it is damp in here,” Max said. “One tour of duty, and a guard would be down with pneumonia.”
“That’s not what I meant, Max. I meant that with all these defensive gadgets, it would be almost impossible for an intruder to make it to the end of the corridor.”
“Unless he was experienced,” Max nodded. He pointed again. “For instance,” he said, “see that fire extinguisher hanging on the wall up ahead?”
“Yes, What is it really, Max?”
“A fire extinguisher, probably,” Max replied. “KAOS isn’t totally heartless. If you get hit by that napalm spray, you probably get a second chance.”
“That’s very thoughtful,” Hymie said.
“Maybe not,” Max said. “If I know KAOS, that fire extinguisher is filled with gasoline.” He pointed once more. “Oh-oh-see that!”
“Just beyond the fire extinguisher, you mean? That nozzle that looks like those other nozzles? What is it, Max?”
“An electric eye,” Max replied. “And baby blue, or I’ll be very much surprised.”
“Is the color significant, Max?”
“Baby blue means that the electric eye operates a trapdoor,” Max replied. “With experience, you learn these things. Red would indicate that it fired a series of machine guns imbedded in the walls. And an orange electric eye opens and closes the garage doors.”
“I’m not going to ask you how to get by this,” Hymie said. “Let’s just cheat and save time.”
Crouching, they passed the electric eye. A moment later, they reached the door at the end of the corridor. Hymie turned the knob, opened the door a crack and peeked through it.
“What do you see?” Max asked.
“Just what I expected-a laboratory,” Hymie whispered. “And I see Ways and Means and Number One. They’re feeding information into her memory banks.”
“Making a deposit, eh?”
“I don’t see any guards,” Hymie said.
“Probably all in bed with terrible colds,” Max said.
“Do you have your gun, Max?”
Max got his pistol from his shoulder holster. Water poured from the barrel. “I think there’s going to be a hitch,” he said.
Hymie got out his own gun. It, too, was wet. “Well, we’ll just have to rush them and overpower them,” he said.
“Right. I’m ready when you are.”
“Maybe it would be better to try to slip up on them and surprise them,” Hymie said.
“You’re right,” Max nodded. “When I rush somebody, I always yell ‘Geronimo!’ And that always gives it away. Slipping up is much quieter.”
“Ready, Max?”
“Ready, Hymie.”
Hymie opened the door and he and Max entered the laboratory. Wayne Ways and Melvin Means had their backs to them, facing Number One, a refrigerator-size computer with a face that was a confusion of dials, gauges, buttons and levers.
“She looks just like I pictured her,” Max said.
“Shhhh!”
Max and Hymie crept closer and closer. They were only a few steps from Ways and Means when suddenly there was a ringing sound.
Ways and Means whipped around.
“You!” Means cried, staring at Max.
“You!” Ways cried, staring at Hymie.
The ringing sounded again.
“Your slipper, Max,” Hymie said.
