“Not very easily,” the Chief replied. “Just to test her, they asked her to design a new air defense system. And she advised them to ring the country with butterfly nets.”
“I don’t get the connection,” Max said.
“That’s because you’re not a female,” 99 said. “I understand it, Max. Butterflies are sort of romantic. When you were young and you went on a picnic out into the country with your best girl, didn’t you notice the butterflies?”
“I guess I did, now that you mention it,” Max replied. “Only, in those days, we called them ants.”
“Oh, Max! You’re not a bit romantic!”
“Chief, maybe it would help if we took Hymie over to her,” Max said. “I still think she has a crush on him.”
“Ways and Means tried that, Max-remember?” Hymie said. “It didn’t work. She didn’t pay any attention to me. She just went right on turning out that garbage.”
“Let’s give it one more try, anyway,” Max said. “What’ve we got to lose?”
“Well. .” the Chief said. He turned to Hymie. “If you have no objections. .” he said.
Hymie shrugged. “What choice do I have?” he replied. “I’m only a machine.”
The Chief, Max, 99 and Hymie got into Max’s car and drove to the installation where Number One was being treated. As they approached Number One’s quarters, they were met by a scientist in a white coat.
“How’s the patient?” the Chief asked.
“No change,” the scientist replied glumly. “Right now, she’s working on the forty-ninth stanza of an ode in celebration of blind dates.”
“She
“Have you tried a diet of fruit juices?” Max asked.
“Something like that-considering the fact that she’s a machine,” the scientist replied. “She’s getting nothing but lemon oil.”
“How about an aspirin?” Max asked.
“Thanks-I think I will,” the scientist replied. “This case has given me a splitting headache.”
Max dug into his pocket and handed the scientist a tablet. “This may ease it,” he said. “Then, on the other hand, it may cure it permanently. Lots of luck.”
“We came over,” the Chief explained to the scientist, “because we think we may have the solution to the problem. As you know, Hymie and Number One were once steadies. We thought-”
“But that’s all over,” the scientist broke in.
“How can you be so positive about that?” Max asked. “Maybe Number One isn’t finished with Hymie at all. Maybe she’s just being coy. Maybe she just wants him to be the first to apologize.”
“Apologize for what, Max?” 99 asked.
“Don’t ask me,” Max replied. “I wasn’t even there. Ask Hymie.”
99 turned to Hymie. “Apologize for what?” she asked.
“I didn’t do a thing,” Hymie replied.
“There you are-that’s it,” Max said. “She wanted you to do something, Hymie, and you didn’t. No wonder she’s angry. Now, go in there and apologize.”
“For what, Max?”
“For nothing.”
Hymie shrugged. “Well, if you think it’ll help. .”
Followed by the scientist, Hymie entered Number One’s quarters. A moment later, there was a clanging, a hissing, a rattling, and a banging. Then Hymie came rushing out, with the scientist right behind him.
“Wow!” Max said. “I saw her when you opened the door. She’s really steamed up about something, isn’t she? Was it something Hymie didn’t apologize for?”
“He didn’t get a chance,” the scientist reported. “The instant she set eyes on him, she went into a tantrum.”
“That’s love for you,” Max said.
“Max, face it-it isn’t Hymie who’s the object of Number One’s affections,” 99 said. “We’ll probably never know who it really is. It might be some face that passed in the night.”
“She’s a lost cause, I’m afraid,” the scientist sighed.
“That’s very tragic,” Max said sadly. He looked at his watch. “However, I have a reservation on a flight to good old Wicky-Wacky-Woo. So, if you’ll excuse me. .”
“I suppose we might as well all go,” the Chief said. “There’s nothing more we can do here.”
99 addressed the scientist. “What will happen to her?” she asked.
“In time, we’ll have to scrap her,” he replied.
Tears came to 99’s eyes.
“99. . do you mind?” Max said. “I don’t want to be late for my flight.”
“All right, Max.”
They returned to the car, then headed back toward Headquarters, where Max would drop the Chief, 99 and Hymie before driving on to the airport. But when they had gone no more than a block, a call came on Max’s radio for the Chief. The scientist was asking them all to return.
“I have a reservation,” Max protested.
“Max, don’t you even want to know what it’s about?” 99 asked.
“Couldn’t you write me a letter about it?”
“Max, turn this car around!” the Chief commanded. “That’s an order!”
When they reached the installation, they hurried to Number One’s quarters. The scientist was waiting for them. Instead of telling them why he had called them back, however, he whispered to the Chief, then led him into a conference room.
“You can mail that letter to me in care of the third little grass shack up from the beach,” Max said to 99, edging away.
“All right, Max. Try not to feel too guilty.”
“99! Will you stop that! This isn’t my fault!”
“Who said it was, Max?”
“You keep implying-”
The Chief and the scientist reappeared from the conference room.
“I have some good news,” the Chief announced. “Number One has revealed the object of her affections.”
“I knew it!” Max crowed. “It was Hymie all along, wasn’t it?”
The Chief shook his head. “Max,” he said, “do you remember exactly when it was that Number One began grinding out love poetry?”
“Of course,” Max replied. “We were all there. No, come to think of it, 99 wasn’t present. The way it happened was, Hymie and I were slipping up on Ways and Means, and all of a sudden my telephone began ringing. We found out later that it was at about that time that Number One went haywire.”
“That’s the way Number One described it,” the scientist said.
“You mean she’s talking again?” 99 asked.
“She had a few rational moments,” the scientist replied. “And we got the whole story.”
“Well, good,” Max said. “I’m glad the story is going to have a happy ending.” He began moving away. “If you’ll excuse me now. . I have a date with Waikiki-the biggest sandbox in the world.”
“Max. .” the Chief said. “I’m very sorry about this, but. . your vacation is canceled, Max.”
Max returned. “That’s a very unfunny joke, Chief.”
“Max, it isn’t a joke. You’re needed here. I have an assignment for you. You see, Max, when Number One saw you in that laboratory at the Leg Up ranch, she- Well, Max. . it was love at first sight.”
Max stared at him. “Me?”
The Chief nodded. “I’m assigning you to keep company with Number One, Max.”
“Chief! That’s preposterous! I’m a human, and she’s a machine!”
“Max, I know that. And you know that. But Number One doesn’t know that. Or, at least, if she does, she’s willing to overlook it.”
