“ ‘It’s me’-that’s the password.”
“Oh. Well, then, I guess I didn’t forget it.” He nodded to 99. “Still sore?” he asked.
“Are you angry at Max, 99?” the Chief asked.
“He doesn’t mean sore that way,” 99 replied. “He means physically sore. That was a long car trip, Chief. And we were so crowded.”
“Oh. . that,” the Chief said. “I’m sorry I didn’t have a plane available. But you probably saw a lot of nice scenery.”
“And exchanged a lot of shop talk,” Max added. “Chief, do you know that at KAOS they’re giving trading stamps? They get fifty stamps for every Control agent eliminated, and a hundred stamps for every mission completed successfully. We ought to have that here at Control. It would be a great incentive.”
“Max, the fact that you’re doing a good job, and doing it for a good cause, ought to be enough,” the Chief said.
“Of course, that helps,” Max admitted. “But, on the other hand, do you know what you can get for a hundred and fifty trading stamps? You can get a rain cover for your sandbox.”
“That’s fine, Max, but-”
“I think we’d all work a little bit harder if we knew, while we were out on a case, we weren’t getting rain in our sandboxes,” Max said.
“I know, Max, but-”
“Nobody likes to come home to soggy sand.”
“All right, Max. The next time I talk to HIM, I’ll suggest that Control start giving trading stamps.”
“Have you talked to HIM lately, Chief? Did you tell him how I stepped into the breech when Hymie was incapable of carrying on as a leader?”
“Max, that wasn’t Hymie’s fault,” 99 said. “He was brainwashed. He didn’t know what he was doing.”
“I realize that, 99.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to mention it to HIM-since it wasn’t Hymie’s fault,” the Chief said.
“Fair? I’m talking about politics, Chief.”
“Even so, Max, I don’t think-”
There was a knock at the door.
“Give the password,” the Chief called out.
“It’s me, Hymie,” a voice replied.
“Enter.”
The door opened and Hymie stepped in. The evil KAOS look was gone from his expression. “Reporting for duty, Chief,” he said.
“Chief, doesn’t Hymie get a two week vacation, too?” Max asked. “I realize that his bungling nearly lost us the case, but it isn’t fair to hold that against him. He’s only a machine.”
“Max, being a machine, he doesn’t need a two week vacation,” the Chief said.
“I just needed a brainwashing, Max,” Hymie said.
Max shook his head. “No, Hymie. A brainwashing was what you had. What you needed was an unbrainwashing.”
“No, Max-Hymie is right,” the Chief said. “Unbrainwashing is very difficult. Brainwashing, on the other hand, is fairly simple. So, our scientists simply brainwashed him into thinking he was a Control agent.”
Max turned to Hymie. “Isn’t that a little confusing for you?” he asked.
“I do have a slight headache,” Hymie replied. “But I’m told it will pass.”
Max dug into his pocket. “Have an aspirin or an explosive powerful enough to blow up a body of water the size of Lake Ontario,” he said, offering a tablet to Hymie.
“Max, I-” the Chief began.
But at that moment his phone rang.
The Chief picked up the receiver and identified himself, then, covering the mouthpiece, whispered to Max, 99 and Hymie. “It’s HIM,” he said.
“Mention the trading stamps idea,” Max suggested.
HIM and the Chief had a lengthy conversation. The longer they talked, the more worried the Chief appeared to be. Finally, the talk ended. The Chief looked quite disturbed.
“Well. . we’ve reported in,” Max said. “I suppose there’s no point to hanging around any longer. Shall we go, 99?”
“Max. . something is bothering the Chief. Don’t you even want to know what it is?”
“99, since the Chief is not concerned about me, I see no reason why I should be concerned about him.”
“I don’t understand, Max. Why do you think the Chief isn’t concerned about you?”
“He had HIM on the phone, 99. It was the perfect opportunity. And not one word about trading stamps.”
“Max,” the Chief said, “I didn’t think it was appropriate. HIM is quite worried. We have a major crisis on our hands.”
“Naturally,” Max said glumly. “It just so happens that I have a reservation on a flight to Hawaii that leaves in one hour. In addition, I have engaged a little grass shack on the beach at Waikiki for two weeks. Considering all that, it is hardly surprising that we suddenly have a major crisis on our hands. But I am not interested in hearing about it, Chief.”
“I didn’t intend to tell you about it, Max,” the Chief said. “It’s Classified.”
“Good! I’m glad it’s Classified. I’m glad you had no intention of telling me-” Max interrupted himself, looking hurt. “Chief, I’m authorized to hear Classified secrets,” he said.
“Max, you better go. You’ll miss your flight.”
“You’ll tell Hymie the Classified secret, though, I’ll bet,” Max grumbled. “The minute I step out the door, you’ll be whispering in his ear.”
“If it’s going to upset you that much, Max, I’ll tell you what HIM told me. I just didn’t want you to go off on your vacation feeling guilty.”
“Guilty, Chief?”
“It concerns Number One, Max.”
“Why should I feel guilty about that?” Max asked, puzzled.
“Well. . you took over the case when Hymie was brainwashed. So, in the official record, it’s listed as your- Well, to be brutally frank, Max-it’ll be listed as your failure.”
“My failure! Chief, I brought her back!”
“Forget it, Max. Go on your vacation.”
“Hang my vacation!” Max said. He grasped the Chief by the lapels. “What is it, Chief?”
“Max, if you’ll let me go. .”
“Tell me! Tell me!”
“Max, it isn’t your fault. It’s just that Number One is still grinding out love poetry. And, in that condition, she’s of no use to us anymore. But, don’t blame yourself.”
Max released the Chief’s lapels. “Why should I blame myself?” he asked.
“You shouldn’t.”
“Then why did you say I shouldn’t?” Max asked. “If you really thought I shouldn’t, you wouldn’t even have mentioned it.”
“All right, Max. If it’ll make you feel better, pretend I didn’t say it.”
Max thought for a moment. “It isn’t my fault,” he decided. “No matter what anybody says, it isn’t my fault. All I did was rescue her and bring her back. That was a good thing to do. It wasn’t a bad thing. So why should I feel guilty? I shouldn’t. I have no reason in this world to feel guilty.” He sighed deeply. “Tell me, Chief-how can I make it up to her?”
“Make what up to her, Max?”
“Whatever it was that I did that makes me feel so guilty.”
“Max, there isn’t anything you can do,” the Chief replied. “Apparently there’s nothing anybody can do. Our scientists have been working over her ever since you brought her back, but they haven’t accomplished a thing. She’s still as lovesick as before.”
“Can’t they kind of work around the problem, Chief?”
