head penny and signal the Chief, these KAOS assassins will get away.”
“And, incidentally, we’ll die in this vault,” 99 added.
“Let’s not worry about that, 99,” Max said. “I don’t think we’ll have any trouble getting out of the vault. The only reason I haven’t broken out, so far, is that I want to be sure the KAOS assassins aren’t still hanging around.”
“Max!” 99 said, delighted. “You mean you really know how we can get out of here?”
“It’s as simple as one-two-three, 99,” he replied. “Or, at least, it will be as soon as we get rid of this mule. Madame DuBarry, would you mind moving over a step? You’re standing on my foot.”
“Hee-haw!”
“What did he say, Max?”
“He said I started it-I stood on his foot first.”
“Max, tell him to leave.”
“He’s a guest, 99.”
“I don’t care. Our lives depend on it. You said you can’t get us out of here until he leaves. If he’s any kind of a friend at all, he’ll vamoose.”
“Hee-haw!”
“What did he say, Max?”
“Do you want all of the details or just the gist of it?”
“The gist will do.”
“He said it’s not that simple, 99. He has the same trouble with disappearing and reappearing as the old prospector has. He says he was gone the whole winter of ’61, too. And, what was worse, he says, while the old prospector got to spend that winter in Miami Beach, he, Madame DuBarry, spent it in an abandoned igloo on a runaway ice floe in the Bering Strait.”
“Max. . he said all
“It’s the inflection he puts on the ‘haw’ that does it 99.”
99 sighed wearily. “Max, why don’t you try to get us out of here even though the mule is in with us? If your plan is as simple as one-two-three, what difference will it make whether the mule is here or not?”
“Quite a bit of difference, 99,” Max replied. “Because, my plan is to count ‘one-two-three’ and then run and throw my weight against the door of the vault. And it’s next to impossible to run and throw your weight against the door of a vault when you’re pinned against the wall by a mule.”
“Oh, Max!” 99 moaned. “You mean that’s really your plan? To break down the door of the vault by throwing your weight against it? Max, that won’t do any good at all. Didn’t you hear what Arbuthnot said? He said this vault could withstand the force of dynamite and an earthquake and severe vibration and almost anything!”
“I heard him, 99. And he probably thought he was being entirely truthful. Just because he’s an assassin, that doesn’t mean he’s a fibber, too. Some of history’s most honest men have had other flaws in their characters. So, in all fairness, let’s not assume that Arbuthnot was lying. Let’s just assume that he made a hasty judgment.”
“Meaning what, Max?”
“99, I have no doubt at all that when this vault was constructed it was built to withstand the force of dynamite, an earthquake or severe vibration or almost anything. But, 99, this vault, now, is centuries old.”
“A century is a hundred years, Max.”
“Decades old?”
“That’s more like it, Max. But, I don’t see- Oh. You mean you think it’s not as strong as it used to be?”
“Did you see the hinges on that door, 99? I could pry those hinges off with a toothpick. All I have to do is throw my weight against that door once and it will go flying right out of the bank. Now, if Madame DuBarry would just leave, so I could back off and get a good running start. .”
“Max. . I have sort of an idea. . Madame DuBarry is facing the back of the vault. So, that means his heels are near the door.”
“Which heels, 99? He has four, you know.”
“His hind heels, Max. In other words, his kicking heels. So, why can’t he kick down the door for us?”
“99, that’s an excellent idea. Frankly, it’s the kind of idea I usually get. Now, let’s see what the mule thinks of it. Madame DuBarry, an idea has just occurred to me. Suppose-”
“Hee-haw!”
“What did he say, Max?”
“In addition to the crack about people who try to take credit for other people’s ideas, you mean? Well, he said it’s an excellent idea. And he’s going to- He’s doing it now, 99!”
“Yes. . I can- Oh, Max!”
“It could happen to anybody, 99. His timing was off, that’s all.”
“I felt him rear up to kick, and then-poof!”
“I just hope he didn’t end up on that runaway ice floe in the Bering Strait again,” Max said. “His disappearance won’t hamper us any, though, 99. Now, I have room to back off and get that running start and knock that door down. I’ll just get down here at this far end. .”
“Careful, Max. .”
“Stay flattened against the wall, 99,” Max said. “I can’t see you in this darkness, and I don’t want to run into you.”
“I’m out of the way, Max.”
“Then. . here I go! One-two-three-!”
A second later there was a thud. Then silence.
“Max? Max. . are you all right? Max. . where are you, Max?”
“I–I-I–I’m st-t-t-t-t-ill here, 9-9-9-9-9.”
“Max, why do you sound so strange?”
“I–I-I–I’m st-t-t-t-t-ill vibrat-t-t-t-t-ing, 99.”
“I guess the door isn’t as weak as it looks, right, Max?”
“Right, 99,” Max replied. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t break it down. I’ll just have to keep charging it, that’s all. A few more times and those hinges will snap and that door will go flying. All right. . stay back against the wall, 99. I’m going to try it again.”
“Max, maybe you better not.”
“Don’t stop me when I’m winning, 99. One-two-three-go!”
A second passed, then the thud was heard once more.
“Max?”
“If at first you don’t succeed, so forth and so forth and so forth, 99. Just stay back out of the way. One-two- three-Go!”
Thud!
“One. . uh, two. . three-Go!”
Thud!
“One. . one and a half. . two. . two and a half. . two and three quarters. . three-go.”
Thud.
“Max?”
“99. . I’d rather not discuss it. I’m broken in body and spirit.”
“You just need a rest, Max. Take time out, then try it again.”
“Yes. . I’ll just lean against the back of the-”
There was a crash. Light suddenly flooded into the vault. Blinking, 99 saw Max lying outside on the floor, on top of the rear wall.
“Max. . what happened?” she asked, baffled.
“When I leaned against the back wall of the vault, 99, it fell out. The whole vault, apparently, is about to crumble.”
“Except for the hinges,” 99 said.
“Except for the hinges,” Max nodded, rising. He looked around. “Well, there are no KAOS assassins hanging around. So, I guess we can get back to the saloon and look for that Coolidge-head penny.” He headed for the door. “Come on, 99. Let’s get over to the saloon and find that penny before this seminar ends and all those KAOS
