all the horror movies, there’s always a beautiful girl, and she’s always alone in this mysterious room-a library most of the time-and then there’s always a scream and she disappears through a secret panel. That’s exactly what’s happened here!”
“Max, that mule isn’t exactly a beautiful girl!”
“99, he probably
“But this isn’t a mysterious room.”
“Isn’t a mysterious room? 99, a mule who thinks he’s a beautiful girl has just disappeared through a secret panel, and you don’t think that’s mysterious? What does it take?”
“All right, Max,” 99 said. “A beautiful girl just screamed and then disappeared through a secret panel. But, where is it?”
“I don’t know, 99,” Max replied. “But now that we know for sure that it’s here, we shouldn’t have any trouble finding it. Where was the mule standing when he disappeared?”
“Right here beside me in the middle of the saloon, Max.”
Max walked to the spot that 99 had pointed out and looked down at the floor. “Fantastic!” he said. “I could have wasted the whole day examining the walls in here, and all the time the secret panel would be here in the floor. The man who thought this up was a genius. Either that or he’d never seen any horror movies and didn’t know where secret panels belong.”
“He certainly did a great job of hiding it, though,” 99 said. “That looks exactly like bare floor to me, Max.”
“To me, too.”
“Max, isn’t it possible that the mule just disappeared-the way he did before.”
“That would be too much of a coincidence, 99,” Max replied. He began stomping on the floor. “Hear that! Does that sound hollow to you, 99?”
“No. Max.”
“Mmmmmm. . it doesn’t sound hollow to me, either. It sounds more like-”
“It sounds like a noisy neighbor!” a voice said.
Max and 99 turned toward the sound of the voice. They found Arbuthnot and the other assassins standing in the entrance doorway. Arbuthnot had a pistol pointed at them.
“A noisy neighbor?” Max asked.
“Yes!” Arbuthnot replied, furious. “How do you expect us to hold a meeting over in the bank with you doing all that stomping over here in the saloon! You’ve made a mess of the whole morning, Smart! I was right in the middle of my lecture on ‘Safe-Cracking-A Moral Confrontation with the Establishment,’ when suddenly I was interrupted by a terrible racket that sounded like stomping. I sent one of my men out to see what was causing it. But just as he was leaving the bank, the noise stopped.”
“I’d failed to find the trapdoor,” Max explained.
“Then, next, right in the middle of my lecture on ‘Getting a Good Night’s Sleep and Having a Nourishing Breakfast Before an Assassination,’ the stomping started again.”
“I was looking for the secret panel in the floor,” Max told him.
“Well, you ruined my whole morning!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Arbuthnot looked at him narrowly. “You were looking for a secret panel on the floor? And a trapdoor? Why?”
“Oh. Well, I, uh. . That’s my hobby. Some people play with electric trains and some people save stamps and some people look for secret panels and trapdoors.”
Arbuthnot looked down at the floor. He moved further into the saloon, then stomped. “It’s solid,” he said. “What’s supposed to be under there?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If you’re hooked on looking for trapdoors and secret panels, you don’t care where they lead,” Max said. “The kick is in finding them. As a matter of fact, if you find one that leads somewhere, you’re usually disappointed. Because you have to follow it and find out where it leads to, and that gives you less time to go look for another trapdoor or secret panel.”
“Smart, I don’t believe you,” Arbuthnot said. He moved to another stop-a place near the tables-and stomped again. “Aha!” he said. “It’s hollow underneath.”
“You’re probably over the wine cellar,” Max said.
“Oh. . yes. .” Arbuthnot replied, looking disappointed. He shrugged. “All right, Smart, don’t tell me why you were doing all that stomping,” he said. “It doesn’t make any difference. I’m going to lock you up again. And, this time, I’m sure you won’t get free. I won’t make the mistake of sending food to you again. I’ve learned my lesson. Kindness doesn’t pay.”
“I think you mean ‘Crime doesn’t-’ ” Max began. Then he interrupted himself, and, after a second of looking thoughtful, he said, “I guess, in this case, at least, you’re probably right.”
Arbuthnot gestured toward the doorway. “Out!” he commanded.
“Back to the jail, eh?” Max said.
“Not this time,” Arbuthnot replied. “I have a surprise for you. Out the door, then turn right toward the bank.”
Max and 99 marched out of the saloon, followed by Arbuthnot. When they reached the porch, they headed for the bank. The other assassins joined Arbuthnot, tagging after them.
“I’m sorry, 99,” Max said. “All this could have been avoided if I hadn’t done that stomping.”
“In the final analysis, it wasn’t the stomping that led me to you,” Arbuthnot told Max.
“Oh?”
“No. When the stomping started the second time, I sent my man out again. But just as he got outside, the stomping stopped-the way it had the first time.”
“That was when I decided there wasn’t a secret panel in the floor,” Max said.
“Anyway, my man cane back,” Arbuthnot went on. “He didn’t know where the stomping sound was coming from. I didn’t want to be interrupted again, though. So, my men and I left the bank and began an investigation, hoping to learn where the stomping sounds were coming from.”
“That’s logical enough,” Max said. “But what was it that ultimately led you to us.”
“I’d rather not say,” Arbuthnot replied.
“Ah, come on.”
“You won’t believe it.”
“Sure, I will. Promise. Cross my heart and etc., etc.”
“Well. . we followed what appeared to be drunken jack rabbit tracks,” Arbuthnot said sheepishly.
8
“Inside,” Arbuthnot said, when they reached the bank.
“If you think you can buy us off-”
“Inside!” Arbuthnot repeated, prodding Max with the gun this time.
Max and 99 stepped through the entrance into the bank. One of the KAOS agents drew out a spray bottle and disinfected the doorway. Then Arbuthnot and all the KAOS assassins followed Max and 99 into the bank.
“If you think you can buy us off-” Max began once more.
“Back to the vault!” Arbuthnot ordered, waving the pistol.
Max led the way toward the rear of the bank. “A vault!” he whispered to 99. “Arbuthnot must have millions with him if he has to keep it in something as big as a vault. Maybe we ought to give bribery some second thoughts, 99. I mean, what’s so terrible about accepting a little gift of money in return for doing an enemy a favor?”
“Max! It’s dishonest!”
“No more dishonest than taking a company stamp to mail a letter, 99,” he whispered. “If I do that, why shouldn’t I accept a few million dollars from Arbuthnot as a bribe? We could look at it as a six-cent stamp.”
