Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

“I hate to resort to violence,” Max said, “but-” He reached back and gave the mule a sound slap on the hindquarters.

Madame DuBarry snorted indignantly, then switched his tail-and disappeared.

Max and 99, deprived of their mount, crashed to the floor.

7

Max and 99 picked themselves from the floor of the jail, where they had landed when Madame DuBarry, the mule, had disappeared.

“The poor thing,” 99 said. “The way he comes and goes, I guess he has no control at all over when he appears and disappears.”

Max dusted himself off. “If you want to believe that, 99, you may,” he said. “But it’s my guess that that mule knows exactly what it’s doing. Why is it that- Whooooooooops!”

Max was suddenly lifted off his feet and thrust upward. His head cracked against the ceiling. The mule had abruptly reappeared beneath him, and now he was seated precariously astride its neck.

“Max! Are you all right?” 99 cried fearfully.

“Yes. .” Max replied, rubbing his skull, looking pained. “Don’t ask me about the mule, though. I think I would be wise, from now on, to withhold comment on all animals. Unfortunately, I seem to be able to communicate with them.”

“Well. . at least, he’s back, Max. Now, we can follow through on your plan to ride him to the saloon. And, you’re already on his back-so, in a way, his sudden reappearance was a blessing.”

“99, stop looking at the bright side. There are times when looking at the bright side is harder to take than getting batted against the ceiling by a reappearing mule. Now, get up here with me, and- 99, what are you looking at?”

99 had gone to the doorway and opened the door a crack. She was peeping out. “I thought I caught a glimpse of movement out the window,” she replied, keeping her voice low. “It was Arbuthnot and the other assassins. They’re leaving the hotel!”

“Don’t tell me they’re coming over here!” Max said.

“No, they’re not.”

“You’re a good wife, 99. I told you not to tell me that, and you didn’t. I just wish I could get that kind of cooperation from the KAOS agents. Do you suppose if I married- No, nevermind. . Where is Arbuthnot going?”

“They seem to be headed. . Yes, they’re going into the bank, Max,” 99 reported.

“That fits in with what that assassin who brought our breakfast to us told us,” Max said. “The morning meeting is being held in the back. That’s perfect! It will give us plenty of time to search the saloon for the Coolidge-head penny. What’s happening now, 99?”

“The last one just entered the bank, Max. Now, the door is closing. I think it’s safe for us to leave.”

“Good. Open the door, 99, so the mule can get out. Then hop up here behind me.”

99 opened the door. Immediately, the mule began moving. He strolled through the doorway and across the porch-with 99 alongside, trying to mount.

“Hop up, 99!”

“I can’t, Max. He won’t stop.”

“Then skip!”

“I can’t do that, either.”

The mule ambled down the porch steps, then out into the street.

“Jump up, 99!”

“Max, I can’t hop up, I can’t skip up, and I can’t jump up. As long as he’s moving, there isn’t any way I can get on him.”

“But, 99, you’re leaving tracks in the dust!”

“I can’t help it, Max!”

The mule, having reached the saloon, strolled up onto the porch, then halted.

Max looked back. “99, why did you tell me you couldn’t hop, skip or jump? Look back there! Beside every mule track, there is a hop, skip and jump track.”

“Max, I didn’t say I couldn’t hop, skip or jump. I said I couldn’t hop, skip or jump up. That ‘up’ makes a lot of difference.”

Max got down from the mule. He looked back at the tracks again. “Well. . maybe those hop, skip and jump tracks will confuse Arbuthnot,” he said. “He probably won’t associate them with us. Just looking at us, neither one of us looks like a hopper, skipper and jumper. He’ll probably think the mule was accompanied by a drunken jack rabbit.”

“We better not stand out here on the porch, Max.”

Max nodded agreement, then led the way into the saloon. 99 and the mule followed.

Max pointed to a crack in the floor near the bar. “There!” he said. “That’s the crack the Coolidge-head penny dropped through. I’ll remember that crack as long as I live.”

“Max. . are you positive that’s the crack?” 99 said doubtfully. “I seem to remember that the crack was over here near the tables.” She pointed. “Weren’t you standing right here by this table, and didn’t the penny roll just a few feet and drop down this crack. . uh, right over here?”

“99, the crack the penny dropped down is etched in my memory. It was that crack right over there.”

“That isn’t the crack you pointed to first, Max. That crack is almost ten feet from the first crack.”

“In the meantime, I changed my mind,” Max explained. “I had the actual crack confused with the first crack because the first crack, as you can see, has the same sort of look as the- Well, of course, it doesn’t look exactly like the actual crack. But the similarity is-” He frowned and peered at the crack that 99 had indicated. “You really think it was this crack over here by the tables, eh?”

“Well, Max. . now that you mention it. . I mean, if you’re so positive that it was one of those cracks over there by the bar, then maybe I’m wrong. After all-”

“99, don’t give up so easily,” Max said. “Stick to your convictions. If you’re absolutely positive that this crack over here is the right crack, then don’t let me talk you out of it.”

“I’m just not so sure, any more, Max. In fact, now that I recall, I think you’re right-it dropped through that crack over there by the bar.”

“99, I’m afraid you’re wrong. I distinctly remember that the crack was near one of these tables. I said to myself at the time, ‘Well, what an attractive-looking table that coin is dropping into a crack near to.’ Now, I’m not sure exactly which crack by which table it was, but the one thing I do know is that the crack it dropped into was nowhere near the bar.”

99 shrugged. “All right, Max-if you’re that positive. I agree, it was somewhere over here near the tables.”

“Unless, of course, it was near the bar,” Max said, scowling again. “It could have rolled farther than I remember. As a matter of fact, now that I remember, it did roll farther than I remember. It probably rolled allllllll- the-way across the saloon and dropped into one of those cracks near the bar. Let’s start looking there, anyway.”

They walked to the bar, then stood around the crack that Max had pointed out.

“That looks like it,” Max said.

“It looks very crack-like,” 99 agreed.

“Hee-haw!” the mule said.

“Is he agreeing or disagreeing, Max?” 99 asked.

“Agreeing, 99.”

“Are you sure?”

“That’s the nice thing about translating animal talk, 99. You can make it mean anything you want it to mean.” He got down on his knees and put his eye to the crack. “This is it,” he announced.

“Do you see the penny, Max?”