She froze in place but clearly was not really processing what he said so he repeated it again adding, “All you need to do is have the manager review the tape to prove your story. There are cameras out here too so they’ll know that you didn’t pump any gas.” What he did not add was, “…and they’ll record anything stupid you’re about to do too,” but he suspected that she figured that out on her own. That was his intention anyway.
She slowly said, “You’re right, they do have cameras in there.” She paused to think for a moment and then repeated more confidently, “Yeah, they do have cameras in there.” As she did so, he could virtually see the rage draining from her. She turned to face him and said eagerly, “They have cameras in there” once again, adding, “Thank you.”
He replied, “No problem. You probably ought to explain that to your friend.” She corrected, “She’s my cousin,” then said, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.”
While she pulled her cousin aside and began to calm her down, he got his change from the clerk. As the clerk handed Kane the money, Kane pointed out the cameras to him too. The clerk got a goofy look on his face as the realization that everything was being recorded dawned on him too.
Kane honestly does not know who was telling the truth in this dispute, but the look the clerk gave him seemed to validate the women’s claim. The guy looked very uncomfortable and real “guilty,” something that Kane strongly suspected from his changing story, frustration, and personalization[8] during the interchange. Anyone who is unwilling to admit that he or she made a mistake is almost always going to take the argument to a personal level, sooner or later. At that point, the conflict is no longer about the mistake.
It is possible to de-escalate a tense situation by changing the context. When an argument becomes personal, everyone gets so focused on their anger that they forgot all about their environment, the facts, and right/wrong. When the angry party is able to see the situation in a different light, however, it can give him a face- saving way out, eliminating the emotional need to fight.
The interesting thing is that while the presence of a half dozen highly visible cameras was obvious, no one in the dispute seemed to notice them. Pointing them out changed everyone’s context, kicking things down several notches. Kane will never know for sure if the angry woman was going for a weapon, but he strongly suspects that he prevented something bad, probably something really bad, from happening when he intervened. He did not stick around to find out how it was all resolved because he had to pick his up son from daycare, though he did see a police car coming toward the place as he was driving away.
It is possible to de-escalate a tense situation by changing the context. Kane did not choose sides or make himself a target, but rather pointed out an essential fact that everyone had overlooked. This calmed things down long enough for rational thought to overrule emotion.
Hollywood Fantasy vs. Brutal Reality
When there is much running about and the soldiers fall into rank, it means that the critical moment has come.
In large-scale strategy you can frighten the enemy not by what you present to their eyes, but by shouting, making a small force seem large, or by threatening them from the flank without warning. These things all frighten. You can win by making best use of the enemy’s frightened rhythm. In single combat, also, you must use the advantage of taking the enemy unawares by frightening him with your body, long sword, or voice, to defeat him. You should research this well.
Getting smacked in the head so hard that it stuns your brain like a blast of lightning is a sobering experience. It is virtually indescribable, though, to anyone who hasn’t had the experience. There is a vast difference between living through violence and reading about it or watching it on TV. Perhaps this description can help put things into perspective: The monkey dance, metaphorically beating one’s chest and throwing grass in the air, is a ritual between human opponents too. It is done to get your way or avoid a fight by intimidating the other guy. You can see it when someone puffs his chest up, gets in your face, and yells promises of the ass kicking that’s going to follow. You can see it in animalistic threat displays from the schoolyard bully to the soccer hooligan to the loudmouthed drunk to other patrons in the local bar. You can hear it when the other guy spouts off about the years of
When the quiet person in the corner suddenly stands up and, with focused eyes, deliberately walks your way, that’s real. His thousand-yard stare means serious trouble is coming your way. There is only a thin veneer of civilization, laws written on paper and enforced by people who are much too far away to intervene right here, right now, standing between you and a guy who wants to tear your throat out and piss down your neck.
You can usually walk away from the monkey dance. At worst, you’re likely to resolve things with a bit of fisticuffs and a bloody nose, yet when it turns real, you are not likely to get off that lucky. If you’re smart, you won’t just walk away. You’ll run.
When it comes to self-defense, most people only know what they’ve read in books, watched on TV, or seen in the movies. That’s all well and good, as long as you never need to defend yourself on the street. Sadly, much of the information out there is misleading or inaccurate, sometimes dangerously so.
In most instances, your “deadly” ninja skills simply aren’t real. Sparring in the
For example, at a 2007 shooting incident in Los Angeles, the police found a local drug dealer lying on the ground with a gun in his hand. On the sidewalk near his dead body was one live round. Imitating what he had seen in the movies, the dealer had racked the slide of his pistol, even though there was a bullet in the chamber and he could have begun firing at will. This extra movement took extra time and cost him his life.
While we may not grieve for a dead drug dealer, it is important to understand that much of what looks good in the movies has no bearing in real life. Holding a gun sideways as gangsters are frequently shown to do in movies, for example, increases the chances of a stovepipe, jam, or feeding failure. A stovepipe failure occurs when the shell casing gets pinched in the slide instead of fully ejecting from the gun. When it happens, you cannot fire a second shot without clearing the jam. Even when the gun feeds properly and ejects shells correctly, holding it sideways increases the chances of getting hot brass in your eye. Not exactly what you want to have happen during a life-or- death fight.
Another gun misconceptions from Hollywood is that people who have been shot are almost never knocked off their feet. In fact, it is rare that a shooting victim falls down instantly or is otherwise stopped dead in his tracks by a single shot, even one to the head, though it certainly does happen on occasion. They had a saying in the Old West, “dead man’s ten (seconds).” It was a common experience for a gun- or knife-fighter to continue the battle for another ten seconds after suffering a fatal wound.
A defensive handgun instructor whose class Kane took reinforced this point, stating that it takes a fatally wounded person between 10 and 120 seconds to drop, so you must expect a determined attacker to continue his assault even after he has been shot. Kane was taught to fire and move rather than standing in place as you might do on a gun range. Don’t relax your vigilance until the other person is clearly disabled and unable to continue the fight so that you can escape successfully to safety.
Another common misnomer is the half-hour-long fistfight. Fictional heroes are bashed, mangled, and beaten
