The Little Black Book of Violence

forcefully invading the other person’s territory, moving very aggressively.

Whenever you claim turf, you put yourself in a win-lose mentality. It’s yours now, so it cannot be his. That type of thinking frequently leads to violence. No matter how much you like the place, a bar is just a bar. You don’t own it; you don’t need to defend it. Do the smart thing and walk away.

Wilder had a karate instructor in the 1980s named Kevin who, when sparring, would push students around the dojo instead of hitting them. Each time the student tried to close distance to strike, he would find himself pushed backward or to the side. Sensei would say firmly, “You’re in my space.” It made no difference to this instructor where the student was, only that the student was in his space. Insofar as sparring was concerned, the entire dojo was his space. He had the skills and ability to take over his opponent’s territory with impunity.

If you assume the other person is automatically going to retreat when you move in on him, you have made a mental mistake. Expect a fight; be thankful if you find retreat instead, but be prepared for the alternative. Whenever you invade the other guy’s territory, expect a fight like the karate students discovered when sparring with their sensei.

If invading the other guy’s space often leads to a fight, the important question becomes whether or not that space is really worth fighting for. Is a pool table worth it? What about a parking space, a place in line, or good spot at a concert near the stage?

Let’s use the pool table example. It’s pretty simple; if you are willing to fight over a table in a bar that you don’t even own, you are operating at a tribal level. You are behaving like a monkey who is willing to fight over one fruit tree when the jungle is full of perfectly good fruit trees that are just a swing and a hop away. A monkey doesn’t own the fruit tree and you don’t own that section of the bar. Fighting for such things is dangerous and stupid.

Invading someone’s space causes confrontation, forcing him to either retreat or fight.

Here are a few behaviors to watch for when looking at people who may be trying to establish their territory, especially in a bar. Understanding these behaviors can help you avoid inadvertently crossing someone you did not intend to insult.

• Moving a coaster or ashtray that is not in their way after a person sits down is, in essence, a way of saying that it is now their space and the object serves as a border. This is done not only in bars but also in restaurants and business environments too.

• Placing an object of status on the table such as a wallet, cell phone, file folder, or expensive fountain pen can serve the same purpose. It says, “This is my space and I am brandishing power or prestige to prove it.” By displaying an object of status this person is trying to show the world that he is in some way better than everyone else.

• Sitting with your back to the wall tells others that you are careful, prepared, and ready to defend yourself. Perhaps you’re a bit paranoid too, yet keeping one’s back protected is a sign of a hardened target.

• Sitting at the head of table tells others, “I am the top dog.” Want to cause a problem without saying a word? Go to somebody else’s house and sit at the head of the table without first being invited to do so. See how far that gets you. It is a fast way to becoming very unwelcome.

• Sitting with legs wide apart and/or leaning back tells others, “I am surveying my domain.” Add a chair tipped back against the wall, particularly when on the higher level of a split-level floor, and you have a message that is loudly broadcast. It’s an attempt to convey authority. This is your space, and no one else’s.

The same thing happens in other venues too. Take jail, for example. Although he has never committed nor been convicted of any crime, Wilder has, unfortunately, spent a few days in jail when he was falsely accused of wrongdoing. Sitting at the wood and metal table in a jail cell that weekend, Wilder calmly watched the television mounted up on the ceiling. Another inmate walked up to him and waved a plastic bag in front of him, shaking it down low by his waist. The bag contained scraps of paper, green and white. Wilder looked at the bag and then glanced down at the counter, suddenly realizing that it was a game table. A checkerboard had been carved into the surface.

Without an exchange of words, Wilder got up and went back to his rack. What happened? The man with the paper scraps wanted to play checkers, but asking Wilder to move would have meant invading Wilder’s territory. A potential refusal to move would have opened the possibility of a fight, or at least an escalation. A shake of a bag, on the other hand, was not a threat. It was not a real question either, yet the implication was clear. In this way, they both got what they wanted without an overt invasion of the other’s territory.

Wilder got up and went to his bunk and the other guy sat down at the game table. No invasion, no issue. If you invade another guy’s territory, you force him to either retreat or fight. Odds of violence vary by circumstance, of course. While jailhouse confrontations are pretty common, aggressive behaviors can occur just about anywhere. Keep this in mind next time you think of invading someone’s territory.

Humans are by nature territorial. We have a concept of personal space, something found in most every culture throughout the world. We often claim other territory as well, staking claim on something we believe is ours by right or by might. Whenever someone encroaches on our territory, it generates an emotional response and, oftentimes, a physical one as well. Invading someone’s space almost always guarantees a confrontation, forcing him to either retreat or fight.

Darn Near Everybody Has a Knife… And it Changes Everything in a Fight

Rapidity is the essence of war: take advantage of the enemy’s unreadiness, make your way by unexpected routes, and attack unguarded spots.

- Sun Tzu

When you take up a sword, you must feel intent on cutting the enemy.

- Miyamoto Musashi

Do a little drill for the next few days. Carefully look at people’s pants pockets, especially guy’s pockets. You will see metal clips for securing folding knives within the pocket and bulges or outlines of pocketknives that are bouncing around freely therein. On their belts, you will see holsters for multi-tools, fixed blades, and other types of knives too. Knives, knives everywhere… so many knives, in fact, that about 70 percent of the adult male population in the United States carries one on a regular basis.

After the tragedy of 9/11, stadium security has dramatically increased across the country. Nevertheless, walking through security at Qwest Field (Seahawks Stadium in Seattle) Kane and Wilder spotted 22 people illegally carrying knives before they got to their seats. It’s not that these people were a bunch of hardened criminals, mind you, but rather that knives are so common and carried so habitually that people bring them darn near everywhere. Even the heightened security had not stopped them because there were no metal detectors and no pat-down searches, only bag checks and visual inspections.

Knives are supposed to be tools, but more often than not, they are seen as weapons. If you are looking at young men when you do the drill, you will see more knives: older men less, women fewer still. Young men often carry a knife as a security blanket, a subtle way of saying, “I am dangerous.” Here’s the kicker. They are… even if they don’t know it.

There are two kinds of people who carry knives—those who know what they are doing and the vast majority of others, those who don’t. It doesn’t really matter though. Skilled or unskilled, nearly any person can cripple or kill